{"id":1516,"date":"2022-08-30T21:41:00","date_gmt":"2022-08-31T01:41:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/?p=1516"},"modified":"2022-08-31T10:38:08","modified_gmt":"2022-08-31T14:38:08","slug":"questioning-thoughts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/questioning-thoughts\/","title":{"rendered":"Questioning Thoughts"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Or \u201cIt Ain\u2019t True, Darlin\u2019 \u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It shouldn\u2019t have bothered me. My excuse is that I was tired and stressed and helping with that particular project was one of the things I\u2019d enjoyed the most about this volunteer gig. So when, for maybe the third time, I was told I wasn\u2019t needed to help anymore, I decided I was being dismissed because I was too slow, not as accurate as I thought, and so forth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"dinosaur<\/figure>
\n

A bit later I laughed at myself. This was a classic example of letting other\u2019s words get me down. In retrospect, I didn\u2019t even know if their words were about me. Perhaps the whole project was already under control (it certainly worked in the end). Perhaps the organizers were feeling stressed and saying \u201cno\u201d made them feel more in control. Shoot – maybe I threatened them (that has happened, not sure why). <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

One of the hardest things to understand is that what we think about things isn\u2019t actually real. It is just what our mind is saying about whatever the \u201cfact\u201d or event is. Our minds process what\u2019s happening so we can make sense of it and to keep us safe. My default response to what I hear as negative comments is an explanation of why I\u2019m inadequate. Inadequacy is my default safe place. While that sounds negative, think about it. For me, even though I think I\u2019d like to be seen as fabulous, I\u2019ve never been physically harmed when I\u2019ve felt inadequate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps your default is to be right or self-righteous. Whatever your default response, it is a feeling that helps you feel comfortable. It feels safe and familiar, even if part of you wishes you reacted differently. For me feeling inadequate may not be pleasant, but it is a familiar place that has kept me out of trouble and helped me fit in for as long as I can remember.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another default response for some people can seem like the opposite of this. Perhaps you push boundaries beyond any reasonable expectation. Danger reminds you that you\u2019re alive. For you, it\u2019s safer to place yourself in situations where life seems disposable\u2014on your own terms. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe anything new is simply seen as \u201cdangerous.\u201d And so welcomed. Or, as a classic defense, something to be rejected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

None of these responses are bad or wrong or unusual. But learning to see thoughts as thoughts, with no intrinsic reality, can be very freeing. When I can notice the \u201cinadequate\u201d conversation, I\u2019m free to question it and change it to showing me as competent, interesting, and curious. To hear alternative versions of things we are sure we absolutely know are true helps us see that, just maybe, we can look at that truth a bit differently. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"tree\"<\/figure>
\n

There are several tools and reflections available to explore this. Perhaps one of the best known is The Work<\/a><\/em> from Byron Katie.<\/a> What she does is so simple that some find it threatening, feel manipulated, and dismiss her. Basically, what she says is that if thoughts are causing you pain, question them. Whatever truth there is in what happened, in this minute you have choices on how you look at those thoughts and, by extension, the events you\u2019re thinking about. Here is the link to what she calls The Work, <\/a>which is based on four questions:
Is it true? 
Can you absolutely know it\u2019s true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? 
Who would you be without that thought? <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

The answers to these questions are followed by simple, non-judgmental curiosity about \u201cturnarounds\u201d where you consider what may be true when you reverse the thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Rising<\/figure>
\n

More recently, I finally read Bren\u00e9 Brown\u2019s<\/a> book Rising Strong: how the ability to reset transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead<\/em>. <\/a>This book was a gift I received from someone over seven years ago that initially I resisted reading. (My mind had these thoughts that for me the book wasn\u2019t useful.). This book also helps us look at how we relate to our thoughts – plus how we form thoughts and can change them. Brown looks at this challenge from a more experiential direction than Katie.  Brown’s discussion includes exploring our default responses.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

On a lighter, or at least different, note, I\u2019ve always wanted to have people (originally I was thinking of teenagers, but now think anyone) play with just retelling their truth by creating an alternative, if imagined, story. Preferably I imagine the absurd such as picturing my colleagues in my initial \u201cthey don\u2019t want me\u201d scenario actually answering a completely different question, seeing me as an alien, or being given a pro forma script where they were forced to say no. Elves and fairies or more serious notes describing some of the personal things they might be experiencing, such as illness, could also be in the mix.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A few years ago, I was part of a writing workshop led by Martha Beck.<\/a> I don\u2019t remember what the assignment and prompt was, but this poem was the product and worth sharing for the last three lines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It Ain\u2019t True, Darlin\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They\u2019re only words within our head
Our thoughts are just opinion bred
Yours only tell me more of you
Or mine shows that my sight\u2019s askew.

For scorn is just an itch that\u2019s grown
So we won\u2019t see the hurt we\u2019ve sown
Or a belief we think will save
Us from a fault we really crave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So if you truly seek to be
The one that in your heart you see
Let loose and sing with me this song
And laugh at life and dance along<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember this is always true:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your thoughts aren\u2019t me
And mine aren\u2019t you!
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have you questioned your thoughts? If you\u2019re willing to share, I would love to hear from you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

_______________________-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Notes from the top. All images by Spirit Moxie:

Photo from the part of the volunteer gig that did work. “Dinosaur Wrangler”
Tree on the grounds of where I learned about The Work<\/a><\/em> (Ojia, CA)
Screenshot of Rising Strong<\/em> <\/a>cover on our Kindle – an Amazon Spirit Moxie link<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A friend has actually set “It’ Ain’t True Darlin'” to music as \u201cWord Dance.\u201d When there\u2019s a working recorded version, we’ll share!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Or \u201cIt Ain\u2019t True, Darlin\u2019 \u201d It shouldn\u2019t have bothered me. My excuse is that I was tired and stressed and helping with that particular project was one of the things I\u2019d enjoyed the most about this volunteer gig. So when, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[32,21,49],"class_list":["post-1516","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-main-conversation","tag-making-a-difference","tag-presence","tag-thoughts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DJHl-os","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1516","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1516"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1516\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1533,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1516\/revisions\/1533"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1516"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1516"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1516"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}