{"id":1811,"date":"2026-08-23T20:40:24","date_gmt":"2026-08-24T00:40:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/?p=1811"},"modified":"2026-08-23T00:42:03","modified_gmt":"2026-08-23T04:42:03","slug":"boxes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/boxes\/","title":{"rendered":"Boxes"},"content":{"rendered":"

For years it felt as if I made connections, had exciting experiences, and embraced interesting job opportunities because of how I was related to others. I was the daughter of a dynamic, interesting mother who loved me. I was the wife of an intelligent, professional man. When both those relationships ended (death\/divorce), I then had multiple opportunities just because I\u2019m female.<\/p>\n

Of course that\u2019s an exaggeration. During this time I was loved, challenged, and pursued possibilities that were completely mine. But in retrospect, this view reflected a lot of truth and dramatically showed me that how others view us and how we view ourselves affects us significantly.<\/p>\n

\"StorageThink of it as boxes. Once someone believes they know something about you, they make it part of your box. Let\u2019s say that one day you don\u2019t eat shrimp. Now I know people allergic to shrimp – so that\u2019s part of their box if you\u2019re cooking for them. -But let\u2019s say that on one day, you just didn\u2019t want any shrimp. Because of that one time decision, I assume it\u2019s part of your box – until we go out and you order some. \u201cBut I thought you didn\u2019t like shrimp.\u201d \u201cWhat????,\u201d you say. \u201cWhere did you get that idea?\u201d This is a fairly superficial example, but there are always others. One friend decided I was always late, -so she started arriving at our meeting places extra early so she could support her assumption.<\/p>\n

Both age and gender identity are more insidious examples of boxes. I pretty much don\u2019t share my age because many people instantly put me into the box labeled \u201cold.\u201d It becomes an explanation for why I forget names – which has been an issue for me as long as I can remember. Many assume it explains health issues, which may partly be true, but I know drinking more water and walking more will mitigate many things we blame on age. Plus, I have friends much younger than I am who have health issues too. Many people I meet use the age box as an explanation of any ache, mishap, or uncertainty, such as a dislike for driving after dark.<\/p>\n

Gender? One friend defines himself as \u201cbi,\u201d although I firmly have placed him in the box labeled \u201cgay.\u201d But it\u2019s his box and I really have no right to do that. Another male friend is more comfortable dressed as a woman, both for performance and general comfort, but doesn\u2019t label himself at all. It just is an is. To me, that box just acknowledges and embraces presentation.<\/p>\n

\"CardboardI think it is the assumption that our personal box is the right one, somehow a better box than those of others around us, that contributes to people\u2019s unease around identities that are different from theirs, which is also a reflection of what we encounter as negatively in news and some conversations.<\/p>\n

There are a myriad of \u201cboxes\u201d in our lives. All those assumptions we make about others affect us too. Plus I\u2019m not even talking here about overriding assumptions, such as race, which are a lot more more complex than I have space to address here.<\/p>\n

Most boxes are somewhere in between. Boxes help us manage all of the connections around us. The real challenge is for you to be aware of the boxes you choose or don\u2019t choose to define yourself and others.<\/p>\n

Are the walls of your boxes solid or permeable as you encounter things during your day? Do you confront boxes that don\u2019t fit, that you don\u2019t want, and that feel inconsistent? \u201cYou always do such and such\u2026.\u201d isn\u2019t true just because someone says it.<\/p>\n

Play with it. Could you have made an incorrect assumption about someone you know? How do you react to how others talk about you and to you. Is it affirming? Do think something isn\u2019t true? Make it a game! I would love a chance to hear how it goes!<\/p>\n

_________________________________<\/p>\n

All photos by Spirit Moxie<\/p>\n

Storage shelves
\nBox at transit station<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For years it felt as if I made connections, had exciting experiences, and embraced interesting job opportunities because of how I was related to others. I was the daughter of a dynamic, interesting mother who loved me. I was the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[96,32],"class_list":["post-1811","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-asides","tag-assumptions","tag-making-a-difference"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s6DJHl-boxes","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1811","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1811"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1811\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1816,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1811\/revisions\/1816"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1811"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1811"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1811"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}