{"id":232,"date":"2013-09-26T08:12:43","date_gmt":"2013-09-26T12:12:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.sallybsedgwick.com\/conversation\/?p=232"},"modified":"2013-09-26T18:19:43","modified_gmt":"2013-09-26T22:19:43","slug":"be-willing-to-be-wrong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/be-willing-to-be-wrong\/","title":{"rendered":"Be Willing to Be Wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"The<\/a>Being willing to be wrong or, perhaps even harder, being willing to change is a challenge that has received a lot of attention from those looking at our actions and the affect those actions have in forming a more positive world. There are articles from the Dali Lama and Deepak Chopra, random sermons, social medial quotes, and disturbing studies on how difficult it is to change your mind<\/a>, even with facts. But the consensus is that this willingness to see another version of what you know is true is the heart of healing our world.<\/p>\n

This week I\u2019ve learned that \u201cbeing wrong\u201d is a dangerous topic on which to write! The week included my walking off with someone else\u2019s shopping cart, trying to pay with a membership card, and turning in the wrong driveway. And that\u00a0 all happened in just one day. Perhaps none of those events mattered that much, but my apparent inability to do anything right began in the middle of a funeral. \u201cI should have told Josh,\u201d I whispered to the friend sitting next to me. \u201cYes, you should have.\u201d And there you have it. Sometimes one is wrong, willingly or not.<\/p>\n

\"IMG_1248\"<\/a>Like a two-year old, my immediate response to almost anything is \u201cno\u201d or \u201ccan\u2019t\u201d or \u201cwon\u2019t.\u201d If I weren\u2019t wrong a lot, I\u2019d never be so bountifully blessed with great friends, beautiful places, and incredible experiences. A few months ago I moved into a small jewel of an apartment with all my worldly goods, many of which I hadn\u2019t seen or touched for more than a decade (a story for another time).\u00a0For example, I was sure the two big pictures should go by the window and the quilt should go by the corner cupboard to define the \u201cdining room.\u201d \u201cNo,\u201d said Phyllis, \u201cthe quilt goes in the middle of the pictures. And you should put nails up to hang stuff in the kitchen.\u201d No, I thought. Quilt on the end. No nails.<\/p>\n

\"IKEA<\/a>But at IKEA I found some incredible \u201crails\u201d to hang things on for the kitchen \u2013 a compromise to my original \u201cno.\u201d And when the pictures were hung, the quilt clearly belonged in the middle. Now this is a tiny example. While my apartment might look better, the world as a whole isn\u2019t affected by better accessibility in my kitchen or by picture placement. Or is it? Is a willingness to be wrong a way for some other truth, perhaps in this case about friendship, hospitality, and beauty, to blossom?<\/p>\n

And there are other angles. A common one is assuming you understand what is going on with someone else. \u201cTell me where I\u2019m wrong.\u201d When Martha Beck<\/a> trains her life coaches, this is one of the first phrases they learn. This is a concrete way to see whether your assumptions about someone are true. In her recent three-day workshop that I attended, she used that phrase over and over again when engaging with participants. Maybe because they\u2019re in awe of her, no one came up with anything…<\/p>\n

\"6027755162_55bb4ed607_o\"<\/a>But this isn\u2019t always true. One of Beck\u2019s gifts is her ability to tell stories about herself. Yourself is really the only person you can tell stories about. And this \u201cwillingness to be wrong\u201d piece comes up over and over in her voice and other voices as people work to heal the planet, beginning with themselves, often in relation to things that seem simple or silly as we go through our day. Remember how sure someone was that you never_______\u00a0 \u2013 pick a topic. Eat grapes. Wear red. Answer texts. Fly kites. And how they argued with you when you bought grapes, \u201cbut you never eat them!\u201d? I\u2019d guess that most problems between people are based on \u201cbeing right.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ah, but what about the big issues? As I look out the window while writing this, the world is quite clearly flat. And I can\u2019t think of a single action I might perform right now that doesn\u2019t support that notion or that might be threatened by my being wrong.\u00a0 But I am wrong. Or am I really? We used a level on every picture when we were hanging them. Isn\u2019t that as true as the curved earth picture that sometimes appears at the top of this page?<\/p>\n

The problem with being wrong is that we\u2019re so sure we aren\u2019t. Something is categorically, unequivocally the way we say it is. I used the \u201cflat world\u201d example because currently, although it was once controversial, whether the world is round isn\u2019t a hot, political topic, and I\u2019m more interested in our theory than an argument. But how might those who disagree with us on the hot topics be right? Even if you realize you can\u2019t give up your opinion, what can you learn from the other side? Or is it even a side? Play games with it. If you think it is stupid that so and so is doing whatever, come up with at least three reasons that might make sense. (\u201cWhy are they buying only one small thing when there\u2019s no parking and the line is 20 minutes long?\u201d Well? Maybe they got to the car and realized they\u2019d forgotten one thing. Maybe they desperately needed to kill time and impossible shopping does that for them. Maybe they live next door, even if you\u2019re sure there\u2019s no housing there.)<\/p>\n

While I haven\u2019t listed controversial topics, you\u2019re welcome to. In fact, I hope you will. But when you do include a bit of the other side. This really is the beginning of making the world work. So let\u2019s start!<\/p>\n

_____________________________<\/p>\n

The Place Where We Are Right<\/p>\n

From the place where we are right
\nflowers will never grow
\nin the Spring.<\/p>\n

The place where we are right
\nis hard and trampled
\nlike a yard.<\/p>\n

But doubts and loves
\ndig up the world
\nlike a mole, a plough.
\nAnd a whisper will be heard in the place
\nwhere the ruined
\nhouse once stood.<\/p>\n

\u2014Yehuda Amichai (via Parker Palmer on Facebook<\/a>)<\/p>\n

_______________________
\nPhoto credits from top:<\/p>\n

The wrong way – smlp.co.uk
\nRounds and Then Some (Quilt by Loni Kula) – Spirit Moxie
\nIKEA rails – Spirit Moxie
\nDuty Call: Someone is WRONG on the Internet – xkcd.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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