{"id":920,"date":"2017-09-12T16:24:38","date_gmt":"2017-09-12T20:24:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.sallybsedgwick.com\/conversation\/?p=920"},"modified":"2017-09-12T13:27:48","modified_gmt":"2017-09-12T17:27:48","slug":"who-are-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/who-are-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Who Are You?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"MirrorOnce again the “isms” and the “I know betters” and the wave of hopelessness, name calling, and violence that has been washing through the United States and other parts of the world is in the forefront of the news. Recently (or it feels recent), I’ve written about white privilege,<\/a> addressed hopelessness,<\/a> and shared laments.<\/a> All Spirit Moxie posts address the day-to-day actions we can do to change the world and ourselves for the better. Weekly \u201cfill-in\u201d content for Spirit Moxie is usually photos tagged as #randomsigns and #changingtheworld and share images and words for hope, or at least thought.<\/span><\/p>\n

But behind, or beneath, or through the dark places, I have a simple theory. One of the underlying causes of this violence is that people either don\u2019t know who they are or are uncomfortable with it. When you truly know yourself, you aren\u2019t threatened by the \u201cother\u201d because it can\u2019t touch you or reduce your inner strength. In other words, you have no need to bully or attack others to prove your worth.<\/span><\/p>\n

As you probably know, I’m female, white, middle class, heterosexual, educated, American, Christian, and aged, well, more than 50. All of this is just fine with me. I’m kind of allergic to movies, most metals, and insect bites. I prefer conversations about ideas rather than about people or even about most situations. I love to dance, have only once been proven wrong as to music I don\u2019t enjoy, am an introvert who loves parties, and get energized in airports and on planes. Other than following where this idea that’s named Spirit Moxie leads me as a vision of how we can change\/improve the world, I love to cook, read mysteries, and explore. Sometimes I even see myself as fabulous. So while I like compliments, I don’t on most days need them.<\/span><\/p>\n

I could go on because who a person is is truly fascinating \u2014 yes, you are a fascinating topic, too. (If you reacted to this by saying, \u201cNo!,\u201d you’re wrong. By definition. Really.) But this sounds a bit general so let me be slightly more specific.<\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s start with bullies. To me, it seems that a bully attacks others because by doing so the bully reduces his (or her) own insecurities. It\u2019s a way of saying, \u201cMy putting you down proves that I am better, stronger, more attractive, smarter, etc. than you.\u201d If bullies truly felt good, strong, attractive, and smart\u2014and act accordingly in that knowledge\u2014they would have no need to bully. If they are secure in who they are, bullies would realize that the act of bullying actually detracted from their true selves. Bullying actually is evidence of weakness.<\/span><\/p>\n

Homophobia (and related \u201cobias\u201d) seems, to me, to be the same. Peopled who are secure in their sexuality have no problem being around others with different balances of hormones and pheromones. Only if you\u2019re not completely sure of your sexuality is the \u201cother\u201d threatening.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"CloudyAll of this on the individual level. I know that people I know who are truly comfortable in their own skin aren\u2019t racist (in the overt, hating people that don\u2019t look like me way<\/span>\u2014being aware of one\u2019s racism is a different topic<\/span>) or ageist. If they have something to prove it is against another\u2019s actions, but not about their very being.<\/span><\/p>\n

In the larger world, this doesn\u2019t seem to be true for wholesale violence. Mass violence manifests in several ways. Defending perceived (which may or may not be real) encroachment of space or resources is a historic one. But the violence I am addressing here is the violence that results from being taught that the other (race, sexuality, custom) is somehow evil or wrong. (T<\/span>his includes religious persecution.) And that it is part of one\u2019s personal identity to destroy the other. Then violence can become a societal expectation, a privilege, or an obligation. Nazis and other white supremacists claim part of their identity by embracing Aryanism. It is apparently true that many people are carefully taught to distrust or even hate someone different from themselves.<\/p>\n

But I still think extreme expressions of this indicates unease. When violence is ingrained as a socially acceptable norm, it has been transferred to physical competition and maybe a need to belong. But when people are secure in who they really are they have no trouble putting aside or even decrying violent (whether physical or verbal) expectations. <\/span><\/p>\n

Unfortunately I have one final warning \u2014 or maybe just an observation. Even when we know that physical differences are <\/span>expected<\/span> and not threatening, we still come to the world with our own experiences and expectations of what \u201cnormal\u201d is in terms of behavior and practice. This means we often assume we know what is best for others, how other people should act and what that action means, and how we ourselves are perceived. It\u2019s hard to grasp that we might, simply, be wrong. An unthreatening (I hope) example is a friend\u2019s horror at people randomly crossing the street, apparently with no regard to traffic laws, crosswalks, or their own safety. However, when I visited Belize City, that was how people crossed the street. If you waited for a light or for there to be no traffic, you would never get to the other side. Which is right? <\/span><\/p>\n

That was a trick question. \u201cRight\u201d doesn\u2019t enter into it. The rules are just simply, different, depending on where you are.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, where are we? Unease about the \u201cother\u201d is often, I dare say almost always, unease at something within ourselves. And no this doesn\u2019t necessarily make us bad or wrong, but simply points towards areas of self-growth and self-knowledge. Even more, toward self-love. <\/span><\/p>\n

So, when you are sure you know what is best for your neighbors, your friends, your family, your employees, and that dude on the street, and you want to advise or help \u2014 at least ask them what they think. Be willing to be wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"ShadowThe secret to adding to a peaceful world is to know who you are.<\/span><\/p>\n

So now, it\u2019s your turn. Who are you?\u00a0 <\/span>Double dare you to answer here in at least 20 words, but in no more than 50 or so. Go.<\/span><\/p>\n

Who are you?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

______________________________________<\/p>\n

Illustrations from the top:
\nMirrors \u2014 photos by Spirit Moxie, graphic adaptations by Gary Templeton<\/a>
\nShadow \u2014 Spirit \u00a0Moxie<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Once again the “isms” and the “I know betters” and the wave of hopelessness, name calling, and violence that has been washing through the United States and other parts of the world is in the forefront of the news. Recently … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[14,16,13,15],"class_list":["post-920","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-asides","tag-bullying","tag-homophobia","tag-racism","tag-white-supremacists"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DJHl-eQ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/920","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=920"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/920\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":931,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/920\/revisions\/931"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=920"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=920"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.spiritmoxie.com\/conversation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=920"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}