I’m home from the World Domination Summit (WDS) and pretty much recovered from traveling to four different venues, through four airports, a couple of train stations, three time zones, and one bus transfer. Oh, and mastering (I think) public transportation in Portland.

This is my second year attending and my third year writing about WDS. For 2013 and 2014, I compared it with the Wild Goose Festival which I attended both years, but I’m not comparing them this year, because this year Wild Goose was so much like WDS it was scheduled for the same weekend.

So this year WDS gets a post all to itself. In 2014, at the end of WDS, I was sure I needed to return, but this year I was pretty sure I didn’t want to and I’m still trying to figure out why I felt that way. WDS is committed to supporting community, adventure, and service. Sounds perfect to me. “To live extraordinary lives in an ordinary world.”

Of course, I don’t find the world all that ordinary, but I think you’re beginning to know that.

Part of my personal dream for WDS was for Spirit Moxie. I planned a “Let’s Change the World!” meetup, using what for me was a perfect time last year to meet people before things got started. I even found a bar/restaurant rumored to have a great, but poorly attended, happy hour. A call to Mummy’s in downtown Portland confirmed that they would be happy to have us. [If you’re in Portland, check them out — it’s Egyptian food. Really. I had a falafel, unlike any I’ve had before, and a fava bean dip/appetizer served with laid-back hospitality. And I’m told there’s real belly dancing Saturday nights.] WDS approved the event and it was “sold out.” Almost 40 people said they were coming and there was interest in my Facebook invitation as well.

Only eight people showed up, nine if you include me. As far as I could tell none of them had signed up for the event, but came anyway hoping there would be room. The timing was difficult. The announcement said we started at 3pm and registration for the whole event started at 2pm. The restaurant had a reputation for being hard to find although I said an orange door was a clue. And, in the best tradition of events, those who showed up may indeed have been the right eight people to be there. In any case the conversation was wonderful and rich, and the people there were looking to give and share ideas and inspiration (e.g., how might you recycle those little soaps from hotels on a huge scale?). 

Although I felt sorry for the bar’s owner, and, to be honest, for myself, I shrugged it off until I heard other stories of other meetups where the same thing had happened. As the week went on, the rule seemed to be “even if you didn’t sign up, stop by to see if you can get in.” I went to one meetup that I’d signed up for and stayed for about ten minutes (hey, I was there). I “really” attended another one that I had signed up for, and I, too, stopped by another meetup that I hadn’t signed up for that was full and was told to stay.

I found myself wondering throughout all this about the whole concept of giving your word and keeping it. The RSVP. The shake of the hand. The casual, “I’ll call you next week.” Any event/party host will tell you that planning has become difficult because people do not let you know if they will attend — or they don’t let you know that they won’t be there if their plans change. Lawyers have made whole careers around people no longer honoring the handshake and their word. Friendships have been stretched and lovers separated. And I’m certainly not perfect, particularly in the “casual remarks to friends” category.

There was another element at WDS that also bothered me. While we were excited to be changing the world, we seemed oblivious to our interactions with the community. Oh, we set a world record for eating breakfast in bed (because we could) and donated the mattresses and beds to appropriate local agencies. But I’ve seen events so embrace the community that the city was minutely transformed. WDS could have been like that. Excellent volunteers made sure we laughed, gave high fives, and that there was no litter or other ecological scar. But I saw meetup leaders dismiss hassles for waiters, bus riders ignore their intrusion on the locals, the “it’s only a job” look on the theatre staffs’ faces, and the stoic disappointment on the face of Mummy’s owner. Shouldn’t engaging the world with basic politeness and awareness be a part of keeping our word to be transformative?

So WDS’s commitment—for weren’t we all WDS?—to community, adventure, and service seemed mixed. Last year, I came home with a Brave Bot, an appreciation of superhero capes (and tiny houses), riding a hot air balloon crossed off my bucket list, and a visceral understanding that we’re all related. I don’t even need to go look at my notes to remember
this. This year, looking at someone else’s notes, I was reminded that I’m a poet (first poem published in second grade), reclaimed my own experience with grief, saw my mentor Lissa Rankin heal the whole room back into love and possibility, and “met” Kid President, who shares awesomeness and is clearly a kid. I’d say about half the speakers challenged me, but I don’t really remember what they said. Almost none are remembered as I write this. Pictures remind me that I ate a Voodoo Donut—another bucket list triumph.  And I talked to people who left greatly renewed and inspired so I do know there is another side to people’s experience of the weekend.

All I left the event with were these two questions: “What is there about keeping your word?” and “Does keeping your word really matter?”

This past Sunday I went to an early church service and reported on the first of the four “venues” mentioned above. “I wish you would come do that at 10:30, too,” I was asked, and I said, “I can do that.” I was juggling bus schedules, but easily found a bus (yeah, Google maps) to my favorite breakfast spot. Perfect. Had a great breakfast, wandered over to the grocery store (did I really need anything?), and thought about going home. No buses for more than 45 minutes. No bus back to church either (had I really promised to do that today or some other Sunday?). But it was only a little over a mile away and the timing would be perfect if I walked. I would arrive about when they needed me to do my spiel, even if it was 90 degrees out. Hmmm. As I approached the church, I saw a bus pull up that would take me directly home. All I’d have to do is run or wave or . . . But I walked, watched the bus turn the corner, and went inside the church grateful for air conditioning. When I made sure they knew I was there, the leader said, “Oh, I knew you would be here. You said you would be.”

So I did my spiel. Looked at the bus schedule. And found another bus leaving in five minutes for home.

What I have is my word to give, to share. It’s free. And your word is yours. How do you honor it? I’m pretty sure the universe will help you keep it.

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Photo credits from the top:
Marquee at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, Portland, OR — Armosa Studios
Mummy’s Restaurant and Lounge — Mummy’s Facebook page
Bear waiting for breakfast — Spirit Moxie
Sally and bear posing at Worldwide Waffles — Spirit Moxie
Worldwide Waffles certificate with our attending bear — Spirit Moxie
Lissa Rankin onstage —Armosa Studios
Kid President (Robby Novak) entering the stage — Armosa Studios

Hug yourself! Put your left hand on your right shoulder. Put your right hand on your left shoulder. Push hands towards each other. And there you have it. Did it feel a tad strange? Or good? Or interesting

Are you breathing? (Yes, this is a silly question, although sometimes we hold our breath when we do something different.) But is breathing something you have to think about? Heart pumping? Can you see to read this or can you hear it because someone is reading to you? Can you move? At all? Your body supports you. It just does.

One of the most interesting aspects of my journey toward being more present is the challenge I keep being given to love my body. This is not something we learn. Society seems to present “them” (aka bodies) as something that will break down, get sick, age, be used as a rack for ornamentation, and otherwise betray us as our true self, i.e., that is our mind and/or soul, gets on with the business of life. St. Francis of Assisi referred to the body as “Brother Ass” reflecting the 13th century asceticism, which we still claim, that bodies are an uncomfortable accompaniment to being more spiritual.   

“Take care of your body” is a Spirit Moxie conversation for another day. And an important one. But today, the topic is about rejoicing (really) in being a body. As Frederick Buechner says regarding man in Wishful Thinking, “it’s not that he has a body, but that he is a body.”* And loving and appreciating our bodies (this isn’t always the same thing) is crucial for how we show up in the world and how the world interacts with us. Increasingly this is affirmed by writers and speakers who show us ways to be healthier, happier, and more productive. Do you want/seek any of these things? To be healthier, happier, and more productive? Of course you do. I thought so.

So try it again. Left hand on your right shoulder. Right hand on your left. And hug. It is almost that easy. Love your body as it is right now. Whatever the weight. In pain or not. However old you are. As we work toward the gift of being present and so conscious of and  participating in the world as it is, our relationship to our bodies becomes central. This is not something we are taught. It is something we need to learn.

Perhaps it is harder for women with their forced body images. Perhaps it is harder for us all as we are told (yes, told) that we will inevitably slow down and become less attractive as we get older. But seriously loving your body, exactly as it is, provides the base for everything else we have been talking about for changing the world. And the result of loving it is that you continue to grow into your ideal self — by your standards — not the mental picture that’s been imposed on you by a greedy and unhappy world.

Amy Ahlers in her book  Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves gives this exercise/challenge: “Stand naked in front of the mirror and name ten things you love about yourself every day for a week. . . .They can range from ‘great ass’ to ‘the miracle of my skin’ to ‘my heart is pumping.’”** I failed this one. I tried, but I literally found myself running from the mirror. What was that response about? But even trying began the process. So try that exercise with one thing. Work up to five. Skin color? Do your nails look good? Wow, can you actually see, feel your hip bones? I never noticed the curve of my neck; my ankles; that one mole that is perfectly placed to be interesting; that my eye color is more varied than I remembered; and I forgot about my dimples. Your turn. Go. And stick with it.

Somewhere along the way, not by magic, not immediately — unless of course it is immediate — you will start seeing some changes. Maybe not on the scale. Maybe the pain is still there. But you’ll walk a little taller. You’ll get more compliments. The weight and the pain will no longer be in charge and there’s a great chance both will become manageable. You’ll be ready for your part in changing the world. So allow me to introduce you to yourself: you in your body — your best self.

Report in. What do you need to do for you? Hug.

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This is a snapshot of how this has worked for me: I began this “loving your body challenge” feeling a little dumpy, too old, and with pain that moved from my right shoulder to my left leg. Now I feel pretty awesome, really. My body gets, no, I get compliments out of nowhere. Age is just a number that I forget most of the time. And, when I’m really present and doing what I’m called to do, the pain disappears. Of course, my stretches help too.
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Hugging exercise adapted from the work of SARK
*Frederick Buechner, “Immortality,” Wishful Thinking: A Seeker’s ABC (Harper & Row, 1993).
**Amy Ahlers, “Big Fat Lie #16: one of these days I’ll win the battle of the bulge,” Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves: Ditch Your Inner Critic and Wake Up Your Inner Superstar (New World Library, 2011), p. 69.

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Photo credit:
Peaceful Heart Doctor – 3, 720 Grant Ave., San Francisco —Eva Blue

Additional Resources:
Amy Ahlers latest work, with Christine Arylo, Reform Your Inner Mean Girl: 7 Steps to Stop Bullying Yourself and Start Loving Yourself. Also for Dudes!
Christiane Northrup, M.D.,Goddesses Never Age: The Secret Prescription for Radiance, Vitality, and Well-Being. Primarily for women, but there is useful information for men as well.

“She can’t see.” My friend was watching his daughter pretend to know what was happening on the other side of the room. “She just won’t wear glasses. So frustrating.” About a year later contact lenses had solved the vanity part of his daughter’s not wearing glasses, and she was reacting to what was going on around her just fine.

But what is it about not wanting to wear glasses (and sometimes hearing aids)—objects that make weak eyes and ears work so much better?  Perhaps it’s just that you don’t like the way they look. Or, you don’t want to admit your eyes have changed. Or, you need glasses only sometimes, like to read small print.

I have pretty great near-sighted vision out of my right eye. (Really.) So I used to take my glasses off to read because that was easier than using my bifocals. I’d put those bifocal glasses to one side and then forget where I’d left them. A few years ago, I looked into LASIK eye surgery and had just my left eye, which is naturally far-sighted but had gotten weaker, operated on to make it truly far sighted again. So now I don’t wear glasses. Usually.

Sometimes during eye surgery, a tear duct is cut, which apparently happened to me. Now, if I don’t use eye drops regularly (and I mean regularly), I often can’t see as well as I should. And I forget to put the drops in sometimes because just around the house, my eyes seem fine.

But then I suddenly remember that I need the drops when I’m driving. This year when I went to renew my driver’s license, I blithely walked out of the house and up the street to the Department of Motor Vehicles on a hot summer day. And couldn’t read anything once I got there. In a panic, and feeling very embarrassed, I hurried home and called my doctor to beg for a quick ophthalmologist appointment. And I drove an extra 50 miles to keep it. While they found nothing wrong, I did purchase glasses for driving (sunglasses, other glasses), as back up, although the doctor who gave me the glasses prescription was a bit confused as to why I needed them. To him my eyesight was fine for driving. But I had a lot of drops in my eyes while they were testing!

And, yes, when I went back to the DMV, I passed my eye test for my license renewal just fine without those glasses. But the glasses are still in my car, and I feel grateful on sunny days for prescription sun glasses or for my clear glass ones late at night when I’m tired. Then, I appreciate those visual aids that I so happily put aside after my eye surgery! And I remember to pack my drops when I travel and usually remember to put them in before I leave the house….

Friends with hearing aids talk about how the technology has changed and how small they’ve become and how useless they often are at a noisy party. And sometimes they, too, forget their hearing aides the way I used to “forget” my glasses. Or people explain how they don’t qualify for hearing aids since they can’t use them where they work (too much noise). So why, they figure, should they buy hearing aids they can use only part of the time?

Sometimes the available technology doesn’t completely solve a problem. Even now my middle distance vision can be iffy, which often makes it hard for me to read fine print on those menus posted behind the cash register. “Can I take your order?” “No, just let this person go first. [What the heck does that say?]” So this can be a challenge and if you have that cashier’s job, just help by answering if someone asks a really obvious question. Or remember to put out the paper version of the menu on the counter. And if you and I are at a bar, just tell me what that bottle says on the back shelf. Please.

So if that’s my challenge, what is yours? Do you need people to repeat what they just said? Pitch their voice a little lower or louder? Tell you that one color is really red and the other color is green? Read the fine print. (Where did you put those $5 reading glasses anyway?) All these “helps” are simple ways to make the world work better. You take care of what you can take care of, and be matter-of-fact when helping others. Deal?

Today at the bank I overheard someone ask what the balance was on the receipt the teller handed him. “I forgot my cheaters,” the customer joked. And after the teller told him the balance, they both laughed. There you have it.

This is clearly a first world problem. And perhaps one of the smallest challenges on my “little things that can change the world” list. But what are you avoiding that would make both your daily life easier and people’s interactions with you simpler, more pleasant? What can you do to make others’ interactions better?

What’s your story?

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Photo credits from top:

Sally in 2006 wearing her bifocals — Spirit Moxie
The new glasses and drops — Spirit Moxie
A friend’s forgotten hearing aids — E.M.
Sky Glasses — John Scott

Be somewhere else later. Is that so hard? — Jewish Zen saying*

While working with Spirit Moxie and generally just living and dreaming and avoiding things I “should do,” I have found myself drawn again and again to yet another “little thing” that changes the world. And like some other little things, this one seems impossible and not so little, except of course when it is easy. This little thing is the importance, the freedom, of being present.

Have I lost you yet? Every day, we’re surrounded by story, which is the spin we put on what is going on around us. “Why has my landlord stopped paying his assessment to the co-op? Will I get evicted? Could I pay it and get a rent rebate? I wonder what price he’d ask for if I wanted to buy the apartment? But I don’t want to buy the apartment. However, there’s no where else I want to move to right now; I mean I’ve fallen in love with the view. And all my pictures are hung. Oh, I hate packing, so…”

This was my internal conversation for just an hour or so yesterday. Usually, when I have a new topic to write about for the Spirit Moxie conversation, I get challenged by that topic, and after practicing being present for months — living in the moment, after I decided I really, really wanted to share this with you, apparent problems such as my living status appeared. Reacting to instinct (flight or fight; lizard brain; or just ornery), my mind went whirling off until I got dizzy from it.

So, I took a nap. The facts are that I received a copy of a letter addressed to the owner of my apartment saying I can’t use the common areas of the building until he pays his assessments. I’m not sure how that affects him, and if one of you reading this is a real estate lawyer, I’d appreciate you letting me know how this affects me legally. In practical terms, the letter told the apartment’s owner that I can’t use the laundry room, but for now, thanks to my hosts in New York over Christmas, everything is clean, anyway. And I’ve been saying for awhile that I think maybe I’m supposed to leave Cincinnati.

But not today.

Because of the freedom of being present, what I’m coming to learn is that doing what’s in front of me, quite apart from the “what ifs” and “if onlys,” and experiencing the “now” is life changing. And this has changed my relationship to my day-to-day life.

There are several areas where this shows up: time, health, finance, joy. But maybe the one that speaks the loudest in today’s society is simply getting things done. Easily. In less time. With less hassle. And no deadlines.

Somehow when I’m in this space of now, everything happens. I’m actually unpacked from my Christmas trip. (I’m one of those who can pack in ten minutes and take days to regroup when I get home.) The kitchen has been cleaned. The library book due tomorrow has been finished, but also renewed in case I don’t get downtown. All the apartment hassles are just there and my worrying about them won’t do any good at all, and one call to the people who manage the apartment put the hassle on someone else’s desk.

The important bit is that the cheese I’m bringing to a party tonight is on the kitchen counter so it will be at full flavor. It was the apparent hassle of not being able to schedule a Christmas get-together with my son who lives locally and suddenly finding myself thinking of a plan, sending a text, not getting an answer, but finding myself buying the right meat anyway, and, when I finally did get an answer four hours ahead of their arrival, getting everything cooked in plenty of time — even with a two-hour meeting in another part of town during that four hour period. As long as I just “did” and “was,” things were prepared and both the preparation and the gathering was somehow peaceful and joyous all at once. Oh, and the meal was great too.

So how do you get, and stay, if only for a few seconds, in now? For me it began with my
asking, “What am I supposed to be doing?” Because I usually remember to ask this when I am driving my car, the answer is pretty easy. Continuing to drive is really the only option! But somehow this reassures me.

More recently, I’ve learned some other aids. Having some idea of the day’s agenda helps. So now I end my morning meditation with a quick mental run through of the day and at least glance at the calendar on my phone. Today the day was to include a hair appointment, but a text woke me asking if we could reschedule, so instead I got more unplanned writing time. Maybe I’ll dance for exercise as part of that time too. The day also included putting way the clothes from my trip and getting the cheese out of the refrigerator and onto the counter, both of which just sort of happened.

Another aid is to notice, which happens more often, when my mind goes into planning and story mode: “What if?” “Why?” “Maybe I should…” When these questions start badgering me, I concentrate on the people near me, the road (why does driving make my brain scatter?), or what I can see or smell. Another aid is to ask, when things look like they will go wrong, “I wonder what is supposed to happen now?” I’ve also learned to ask, “What should I be doing now?” when I’m not driving!

No, it isn’t always a wild joy, but it is always a joyous calm. And from that place of calm miraculous things happen. Things that when you try to explain them may sound ordinary, but you know that that many perfect ordinary things never happen together. Until they do.

In mid-March some of us will gather at an Ohio conference center near Columbus to explore being present from a spiritual perspective. I’d love for you to be part of of this! Information and registration can be found here.

Meanwhile, what are your thoughts, experiences, and questions on being here? Now!

*quoted in Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine Take the Lead by Tosha Silver

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Picture credits from the top:

Time: Union Terminal — Suzanne York
Pictures Hung — Spirit Moxie
An Apartment Nook — Spirit Moxie