Different Friends

Posted on May 31, 2026 by B

“Have friends very different from yourself” – This is #22 on Spirit Moxie’s original list of 100 Ways to Make the World Work. (They’re in alphabetical order. There’s no order of importance!)

Why and how might this help make your world work and the world work? If you have been following and reading these Conversations, you know I already think you are fabulous and perfect and open to positive change for yourself and the world. Hopefully, you also have a glimmer that change is most effectively possible when explored and practiced in community. A major way to strengthen community is through our differences. None of your friends is as fabulous (and perfect) in the same ways you are. Having very different friends expands your world so it can be the best it can be. (Remember pet rocks? For those of you who delighted in that trend, a friend probably doesn’t get more different than that. So include your dog, cat, or bird. Houseplants. That tree in the back yard. But back to humans….)

two hands with linked pinky fingers Note that having friends is not the same as just being around people who are different. For example, travel “broadens” us, but that exposure probably doesn’t include a one-on-one conversation about food, clothes, and insecurities. One can go to an ethnic festival, read about job loss, and admire different music and art, but do you know the cook and their dreams, have ideas for the new job that actually reflects someone’s ideals and abilities, and attend all that artist’s concerts and art exhibits? I am guessing that you try to do that for your friends. Plus remember conversations work both ways. You learn about each other. How do they support you? How do they expand and support what is possible for you?

A classic example of differences in supporting someone is the slightly unorganized CEO who has a detail driven assistant, who may or may not be a friend. For me it is a friend who thinks in straight lines, is challenged in a good way by the things I share which despite my best intentions are never quite linear, and always asks when coffee is not part of one of my food pictures. Since we’re friends, I depend on her to know my ideas are at least comprehensible. Through me she is challenged to look at things in new ways. It is the variety around us that completes us.

Another community I have suddenly found myself immersed in is that of drag queens in Portland, OR, where I now live. (I’d say at least four consider me a friend. Really.) One considered her 35th birthday weekend a super major happening. I wanted to change schedules to actually attend one of her events, but my previous commitments made this impossible. Except, finally, a late Friday night event showed up. She had to share two links with me so I could actually buy a ticket! So, that Friday I picked up a stem of yellow roses (yellow for friendship – who knew?) from a real florist, headed to my usual Friday night commitment, and arrived at her later one just as the show began — which meant I was greeted by name as I walked in and handed her the flowers in front of everyone (which is also a story about how time works). Ah, but how does she support me? Hugs. Making sure I have a seat at events where she isn’t performing. Answering messages. Differences? For the record I’m not male, gay, or 6’10”, and I was 35 a long time ago….

Ethnicity, economic status, and country of origin are a few other ways you might be different from a friend. But to really practice and understand diversity, you must know who you are — and be comfortable with that. I always go through the basics. For me these are age: over 21, gender: female, race: Caucasian, and sexuality: heterosexual. I was born and raised in the United States and would probably be called “middle class.” Since some people include other data such as education and marital status in this mix, I’ll include that too, although I don’t think about it much (college, divorce, etc.). From there we could go to traits, like allergies or even preferences, but the statistical box, so to speak, is what you need to claim about yourself in your bones.

And I do claim it. Knowing who I am and being comfortable with that allows me to easily interact with a huge variety of people and “things.” This place of self knowledge is where trees talk; travel becomes not only “enriching,” but easy and full of real connection; and dogs that usually ignore everyone except their owners pull towards you on the street. It means you’re not threatened by different skin colors, speech patterns, or sexual orientations (yes, “heterosexual” is an orientation) .

Central to this is an affirmation and appreciation of the world as it is. But it means that we need to see it as a whole. It means things can and should change. But it also means that change as far as someone’s basic characteristics isn’t the goal. If someone is young, black, and homosexual and maybe from a different country, we can still be friends. Friends that hang out together. It means sharing food, noticing if they’re the only black person in the room, and listening when things aren’t going well. And as with any other friend, you know what they like and don’t like whether it’s food, a sports team, or cats. You encourage their dreams and laugh at (or tease them about) their awful jokes.

So, change the world and expand yours. Have friends very different from you. How does this show up for you?

__________________________

Photos from the top:

two hands with linked pinky fingers (8ob43mw658c.jpg) – Womanizer Toys
Inanna Miss– Spirit Moxie

Go Slow

Posted on April 27, 2026 by B

Ibis grazing Maybe “slowly” is better — but “slow” feels right. But why is this something to make a difference or change the world?

Let’s start with an example. This morning I planned an early breakfast at a place I’ve been wanting to revisit to be followed by a couple of errands and some library time before I headed off for some fairly close together scheduled appointments. But this morning was slow. A bit more time in bed. A leisurely shower. Packing my computer and a couple of other things I needed for the first appointment. Deciding what to wear wasn’t simple today so I kept changing my mind. Plus, the library didn’t open until noon, and I planned on walking to breakfast. So, by being slow – and leisurely – I thoroughly enjoyed breakfast. I did a banking errand that wouldn’t have worked a couple of hours earlier. And I got to the library at 12:10. Was any of this world changing? One never knows what changes the world because usually that’s a cumulative and subtle thing (unless of course it isn’t, but that’s another conversation). But this pattern I fell into certainly made the beginning of my day easier, more enjoyable, and a bit curiosity provoking as I wander to what’s next.

Being slow actually allows you to see and delight in things. The world can certainly use more delight!

Ah, but in today’s fast paced world, is this even feasible? On a practical level, how does “going slow” affect things? The anomaly is that often it seems to make things happen faster. The slow consideration of a problem usually results in a simple and quick solution or the realization that there isn’t really a problem at all. It’s forgetting a meeting that was cancelled without your being told. Coming late to a party that is just starting. (You’ve done that, right?) Handing in a report no one had time to read before. Sometimes we don’t know exactly why it worked. Sometimes the few more minutes caught the mistake that would have otherwise ruined the outcome.

Outdoor labyrinth If you still feel you must hurry, go ahead. Recently, I was helping host a public labyrinth walk happening in a private space. One woman sat very still, took a long moment to begin her walk, and then moved so quickly through the labyrinth it was hard to see if she actually followed the design. In the middle she sat quietly for a long time. And them moved so quickly out that my companion asked me if she’d just headed for the exit. (No, she again “walked.”) Certainly I don’t know her story. But the slow, even motionless, part of her “walk” was clearly central. The hurry just allowed her to get to the places where, for her, “slow” was essential.

What’s your pattern? When you have too much to do or, perhaps, don’t know what to do, go slow. Stop for a moment to notice your breathe. Sit. Then move at whatever pace feels right. There will be enough time.

_______________________
All photos by Spirit Moxie

From the top:
White Ibis grazing on a slow walk in Florida
The labyrinth at the Cincinnati, OH, waterfront

Focus

Posted on March 30, 2026 by B

Rocky beach As a topic, the importance of focus has cost me nine months of writing (I started this in June 2025!) and at least one friend (which I won’t amplify with an explanation). I’ve become entangled in politics when my main idea has always been the importance of focus for us as individuals. I think this is a third draft. Let’s see where the conversation on focus leads us today.

The impetus for this post, and a source of frustration since I like the guy, is a good friend’s insistence that the world sucks, his life sucks, and, unless (and I’m betting not even then) he gets a sudden influx of cash, it will always suck. Looking on I can see multiple ways this isn’t true, but for him, there are people who have let him down, jobs that don’t pay enough, no love life, health issues, a very old car, and a house needing pricey repairs. That things aren’t going and won’t go well in the future is a daily mantra. There seems a certainty in this focus that shuts out any possible change, growth, or joy. I know other in people similar situations who focus on the positive things that happen. It probably does not surprise you that more positive things appear for them as a result.

When it looks as if things aren’t 100% going your way, there are three concepts that help transform those things:

Poster: If nothing ever changed there would be no butterflies The first is curiosity. If you live as if the world is on your side, what is unfolding? There’s a word for this. Pronoia. The opposite of paranoia. The curiosity comes from assuming this as real and seeing how it’s true.

The second is expectation. Where is that next positive thing for you. How is it manifesting? Related to pronoia, this is more a place of waiting than action. If this idea seems a bit untenable, it might be useful to keep a list of the things that do show up for you whether it’s an unexpected conversation or a financial windfall.

And the third is simply clarity. Without limits, what do you really want to have or have happen? (But here’s a warning. I’ve learned the Universe has a sense of humor. What actually happens might not look exactly as you envisioned it. But you’ll realize when it shows up that it fits right now.) This was shared beautifully on Facebook by the performance coach Thommy Sandvick. “You get what you focus on. For years, I focused on what I didn’t want — and I kept recreating it. The moment I got clear on what I did want — and started making decisions from that place — everything changed.”

Ah, clarity. Often knowing what you don’t want feels clearer. Does what you don’t want have an opposite? What would things be like if what you didn’t want was absent? Extensive focus on what is wrong or what you don’t want usually either strangles possibility or creates walls. Plus that negative focus almost guarantees that you’ll have more of what you don’t want. Note that obsessing about what you do want also strangles. Obsession emphasizes its absence.

Poster: If nothing ever changed there would be no butterflies Presence and curiosity (those words again) combined with positive action — even if that action is only baby steps — allows the positive in. What positive thought (yes thoughts have power) or action, even one so small you think it couldn’t make a difference, wants to happen?

When you focus (without obsession) on what you want, on the positive, you start seeing how something might be true. You see things and to your amazement things change. It can happen quickly, but even if it takes time, you are comfortable waiting.

So, what’s your focus? Are you getting in the way of what you would like to have happen, or are you finding joy in what is emerging?

____________________________________

All photos by Spirit Moxie

Rocks! — Waimanalo Beach, Hawaii
Yes Sign — Portland, OR
Butterfly (poster?) — Cincinnati 2018

Like Difference

Posted on October 21, 2025 by B

Cheese display On the original list of “100 Ways to Make the World Work,” there are at least four suggestions that embrace either difference or diversity. And at some point you may very well see a Conversation on every one of them. It’s a simple acknowledgement that variety enriches us.

“Of course!” you say. But do people really think so? There are tourists abroad who always seek out McDonald’s. There are people I know who won’t go “downtown” because of their visions of panhandlers, crazy people collecting soda cans, and others who don’t look or act like they do. There’s the food you don’t like because of texture, taste, or just, well, because.

So, if difference and diversity (if one dare use that word), enrich us, how and why can’t we embrace this? But why should we? We still don’t like those foods and are uncomfortable when that person on the corner gets a little loud and moves oddly. Most of our friends look like us, talk like us, and are on the same social level. We watch the same shows on television every week, repeat our usual social patterns, and have preferences on clothing, pets, and sexual partners. In the process we reflect, positively or negatively, values passed down from our parents and the opinions of our friends.

Difference? Where, when, why, and, in today’s world, how?

First of all, I’m guessing that when I said, “variety enriches us,” you agreed or you would have stopped reading. There’s an agreement that variety stretches us in good ways, perhaps helps us at least seem smarter, more productive, or increasingly creative.
So? Where does this variety show up for you? Perhaps you love traveling. Whether a new town down the road or a new country across the ocean, when you travel there are different foods, faces, and festivals. Do you find all this interesting, fun, challenging? Sit with it. How do these differences impact you? Do they change you? Expand how you think or look at your daily life?

For one scientific example, in horticulture, variety has been proven to help plants develop resistance to disease. Developing a single strain of something eliminates responding to disease and unexpected pests or can challenge users of that particular plant. Less artificial manipulation of crops, e.g., “non-GMO,” has produced crops that cause fewer allergic reactions (at least for some of my friends).

That said, where else can you see differences? In people? Maybe your Uncle Frank gets angry easily and you’re more mellow. Perhaps most of the people, or even one or two, at that event or in that store have a different skin color or talk with an unfamiliar accent or are in a different age range. How might that enlarge your understanding and experience of the world? Could there be another way to look at something you assumed?

When was the last time you tried, if you dared, an unfamiliar food or drink? Did you like it? Did it put you off trying something else? (For whatever reason, food is one of the things that brings communities together, which is something to remember when traveling or exploring other cultures.) When did you last retry something you were sure you don’t like, but weren’t allergic to? Any change?  One of the best ways to embrace the idea of difference being positive — maybe the only way — is to take a moment to really know yourself and liking what you are. Race. Sexuality. Nationality. Age. And, yes, also the things that seem to be given about you that in theory could change, such as religion, language, food preferences, skill base, interests. Where have you changed things in those categories? While I don’t easily learn other languages, I can be polite in several. From my teen years through now, I went from always using cream and sugar in my coffee to adding just milk to drinking it black, with a several year preference somewhere in there for drinking tea in the morning. At least one unexpected interest change, that came through a brief relationship, is that I am now a Formula1 fan and can, in a pinch, watch or listen to conversations about auto racing.

Superficial? Maybe. But change can be subtle. In fact. it’s seldom abrupt.

How does this serve you or change the world? When you know who you are, diversity and difference don’t threaten you. And most of the world isn’t like you. In fact, none of it is because there is only one you. Seeing difference becomes interesting and exciting rather than threatening and creates peace, calm, and lovely options when we step outside our own doors. It might make it possible to listen to someone you don’t agree with but would love to understand. It might be fun! It certainly changes the world.

___________________________

Photo by Spirit Moxie:
Part of the cheese display at Gibb’s Cheese,
Findlay Market, Cincinnati, Ohio

Use Your Turn Signals

Posted on April 10, 2025 by B

“It costs money to add those!” I can hear my mother’s voice muttering at a driver turning without signaling.

turn signal controls for an FUV “Why should I use them? There’s no one around,” retorted the voices of random friends.

“What a metaphor for all that is going on!” said the Spirit Moxie Advisory Board members as they suggested new Conversation (what we call these posts) topics.

As someone who is more pedestrian than passenger or driver these days, and who therefore needs to predict the actions of vehicles that happen to be nearby and heck, who tries to predict the actions of people as well, turn signals are golden. Yes, they can save lives, although thinking someone is turning when they’re just changing lanes can be unsettling or dangerous, too. Remember that when you think there are no other vehicles, or no pedestrians around, you could be wrong. Yes, even in rural areas or on a seemingly deserted residential street. Just yesterday, a car making a familiar turn clearly hadn’t seen me at all. I know it was a familiar turn because it then whipped into a driveway.

The question here is, what turn signals do you use? Let’s begin with that car or truck you drive, assuming you drive. When I learned to drive, the rule was to use turn signals every time, whether someone was around or not. Doing this gives you the advantage of habit and a bit of insulation in case there really is a pedestrian on that dark corner or a traffic cop behind that pole. I’m curious if you have any stories.

Finger pointing right As a frequent pedestrian, I often signal to cars as to whether I really will cross the street or if I am letting the car go first. Sometimes the car won’t go first because they’ve learned to not trust walkers or other drivers. (Is that car really letting me in?)

In the larger scheme of things, similar signals are needed in simple day to day life. Little things like keeping your word (OK, so that isn’t so little). Bring home the milk you promised to get or show up at least close to 5 p.m. as scheduled. Sometimes little things backfire and are misinterpreted as signals. The person listening decides your voice tone is off, and you are really criticizing and not just commenting. They were expecting a turn signal although the driver hadn’t engaged one since they were actually driving straight ahead.

Sometimes a major change in direction is anticipated by the driver, but the simple turn signal isn’t enough of a clue. So the divorce or job change surprises other participants and leads to accidents, or at least stalls (if we keep the car metaphor going). How do you interpret turn signals from colleagues, family, and friends?

Do you ignore them? Experience might lead us to not pay attention to family or friends, colleagues or politicians. They didn’t mean what they said. They never do whatever. It couldn’t possibly affect me. While there are no words of wisdom on this, I suggest taking people immediately around you at their word, however mistrustful part of you remains. Listen*. If nothing else, it confuses things for them. You can call them out if they lie and are prepared if they do act on whatever they said. Also, by being clear yourself, you encourage trust and confuse people who aren’t trustworthy. The bottom line here is what you do.

So use your turn signals. Be honest. Listen. Be grateful when you’re heard. Yes, it’s part of changing the world.

__________________________________

Credits and notes from the top:

Turn signal controls on an Arcimoto FUV – Spirit Moxie
Handspiel – marfis75 on flickr
*Listen is move #6 in Moxie Moves: 10 ways to make a powerful difference

Pay Attention

Posted on October 7, 2024 by B

Several years ago, I began a speech with the words, “I am an ostrich.”

Ostrich My friends know I seldom watch the news or pursue a newspaper, real or online. This is, perhaps, one way of not paying attention, although it feels more like emotional preservation. The world makes sure I know about any essential events.

But another way of not paying attention literally hit me a couple of weeks ago when I almost walked into a moving train. One had passed going right and it was only the whistle from another one coming from the right, and the gasp (and maybe a hand?) from the person behind me, that stopped me.

Extreme examples? Maybe. But current events for most of us are at such a peak with such things as global conflict and the United States’ (where this is being written) upcoming election that almost all “work with me” or “attend this” invitations assume fear and overwhelm in people based on simply knowing and sharing reactions to what’s going on.

MAX train - Portland So where is the balance? How is one accountable and so not hit either physically or psychically and still able to avoid most fear and paranoia? How does one know what to pay attention to while remaining calm and grounded? And how do we do that?

First, remember that what you continually focus on expands. We know some positives of this. Love of someone worth loving. Talking to plants helps them grow (really). Learning to listen to the needs and wants of your physical body contributes to health and wellbeing. But we get in trouble when we either obsess or delight in the negative. We obsess about wanting a better job or bills we’re not sure how to pay. Or, we find someone with whom we disagree doing something incredibly stupid and delightedly share this information. And share it. And share it. With friends, on social media, and in conversations with our cats. These sorts of focusing give power to the negative.

Energy by its nature expands. Remember? So all these actions and thoughts, but maybe particularly the negative, gives power to things we don’t want to give power to. What do we want to expand? Pay attention and focus on what gives joy and life. There’s a perfect tomato in my kitchen. What’s the best way for me to enjoy it? The cat wants extra time sleeping on my lap. Perhaps I, too, am called to be still. And, yes, you see positive news and share it. You take positive action by supporting a cause, listening to a friend, and loving your body. So look. Drown yourself in what’s beautiful.

Philodendron If you’re having trouble finding the positive, take a minute right now and look around. What are you noticing? One of my most negative friends loves black. If he were here, he could appreciate my black sweatshirt and the “sexy” black mic sock on the microphone by my computer. Breathe. Ah! You can breathe. There is that. Plus your heart is pumping quite independently. You can find the positive in that. It can be that small. If all you know is news, appreciate that you get it and stop there. If you’re called to real action appreciate the opportunity and community. (Most of those bits are always in community.) If you love puzzles, make it a puzzle to find five things to notice and appreciate right now: Our potential lawn guy just lowered his estimate by $50. I got an invitation for dinner. I know where my phone is! This Conversation piece is almost finished. I’ve heard that my friends who were in the path of Hurricane Helene are struggling, but basically OK.

So breathe. Pay attention. What do you see? If it’s negative, weed it out by knowing but not obsessing. Fertilize the positive. Spread energy accordingly.

_____________________________
Photos from the top:

Ostrich – William Warby
(Note: Ostriches burying their heads is a myth, but has become a metaphor for avoidance and they do lower their heads when scared,}
MAX train – Spirit Moxie
Philodendron growing nicely – Spirit Moxie

Planting

Posted on May 20, 2024 by B

flowering tree by a sidewalk During COVID, I wrote a Conversation piece around the importance of growing things called “Plant.” Planting – and seeing growing things – changes us and the world. This Spring, the trees and flowers have particularly enthralled me, perhaps because I’ve been walking more, as I’ve watched the world – or so it seems – bud and bloom. Breathtaking.

Plus, during the winter someone gave me cuttings for four houseplants so I’m now, again, a proud plant owner.

But along with the natural world, I’ve recently been reminded of what we plant in each other. This can be negative and positive.

Hinted at in the Conversation “Be Litter Free*” in the book Moxie Moves, is the negative energy we sometimes inflict on those around us. False ideas. Misplaced anger. Helpful suggestions that aren’t terribly helpful. Like the piece of paper that falls out of your pocket, some of this might be inevitable and is certainly unintentional. But recognizing this as, if you will, a way we plant weeds in our world is useful. Weeds, by definition, are what is growing where we don’t want them to be.

However, focusing on the positive things we might plant can mitigate some of this. For it is our positive plantings that do change the world. Kind of like the marigolds you plant with your vegetables to attract bees and, so we’re told, deter many pests. Plus, while they won’t keep the deer away, marigolds are at least one flower the deer won’t eat, so that flower bed can indeed boast flowers! What might you do that is a positive planting?

hand dropping ballot in ballot box Many are on our basic “little things that can change the world” list. Smile.* Listen.* Vote.* Keep your word.* Or are more provocative like “be kind to animals” and “don’t kill.” For today, what are the simple seeds you can plant? A sincere compliment, maybe to the grocery store checker or the person ahead of you in line? Grinning at the little kid who is looking at you when their mom isn’t noticing? Being honest when asked a question. (Lying hurts the person to whom you’re responding, but also hurts you physically as well as mentally. Really.)

You get the idea. What have been your favorite Spirit Moxie Conversation posts? What would you add?

Besides, the little things, there are also the fairly big things we plant in the world. For some it has been a new business that has affected their community, country, and planet. Perhaps it is an idea tentatively shared or a new insight. It’s existing things like libraries. I’m working in one right now which is offering free internet access to multiple patrons or, for me, good wifi in a place free of the distractions of home where I can also find a recommended book to take home to read after dinner. Our highway network. Electricity. The Internet.

4 small pots with plants Part of your job might be the dreaming that creates these — but it is certainly gratitude for them which helps give them power.

So, plant. My new housemate moved in with an almost full bag of potting soil, so now my cuttings have graduated from glass jars to real pots. I’ve been trying to share more of my ideas, most recently around “doing without doing” (or “how to be lazy”) which might not change the world, but might change someone. Plus, I am writing to you.

Share – how and where are you planting?

________________________________

All images by Spirit Moxie. From the top

Spring trees
Voting in Oregon
New houseplants

*In Moxie Moves: 10 ways to make a powerful difference (Amazon link)

Gratitude and Thanks

Posted on March 20, 2024 by B

cat sitting with two books Perhaps the most basic step or action to making a difference and changing the world and oneself is gratitude. Appropriately gratitude was one of the first “little things” we wrote about in Spirit Moxie’s Conversation posts. “Give Thanks” was published more than ten years ago in December 2013, just a few months after Spirit Moxie was launched. In the book, Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference, which explains the idea of Spirit Moxie more clearly, “Be Grateful” is move #2.

So, we’ve written about this. But sometimes we need reminders, and, for fun, to play with distinctions. Today I’d like to claim that one distinction is collective and one is personal. What might feel counterintuitive however, is that “thank you” is the collective one.

While working on this Conversation, I decided to post a TikTok (one of my new experiments in reaching more people) on “saying thank you,” as being one of the little things that can change the world. While planning the post, I realized something that now seems obvious. Saying, “thank you,” besides being an automatic response engrained into you by your parents, also acknowledges that someone has done something for you. (Duh). And, when you examine that statement, pure connection and possibility emerges. (Wow!)

spiderweb Surviving as a human is pretty much impossible without other humans. So we can see “thank you” as an acknowledgement of the web—or maybe a strand that is part of the web—that connects us one to another. Saying, “thank you” to that other human being who bagged your groceries, opened a door, or handed you a cup of coffee can expand your appreciation for humans in general. What about the rude receptionist? The tired take out clerk who would have gotten the order wrong if you hadn’t checked? Remember, they are also human.

One of the things I do that sometimes amazes my friends is get around using only public transportation. It has become essential for me to say “thank you” to the drivers when I leave a bus. Sometimes that “thank you” evokes the response of a “have a great day.” Sometimes however, I’m not sure the driver hears me. Sometimes the driver initiates the “have a great day” exchange. I always listen to see if others also say, “thank you.” Many do. This person just drove more than 12 tons of machinery safely so you can get where you’re going. We are connected to them via webs and strands.

So “thank you” supports and acknowledges the collective, the interactive web of being human that makes it possible for you to be you. It also reminds us of our place in that collective.

Collage of flowers and wine; a tree; pedicure Gratitude, on the other hand, is personal, although sometimes it is expressed publicly and certainly can be seen to touch thanks. Being grateful is not so much an acknowledgement of an action or experience as a perception of how that action or experience has affected you. Gratitude changes the way the world appears to us and makes us more productive and effective, a result scientifically studied by such writers as Shawn Achor. Gratitude certainly helps us be happier. One can start integrating this into our lives by simply noticing or listing three to five things every day that you are grateful for from yesterday or that are underway right now.

Through my friend and mentor Scott Mills, I learned the power of expanding on gratitude. Name the action, event, or situation for which you are grateful and then for five minutes or more describe it in more detail. Include how and why it makes you grateful as well whatever you remember about it. I suggest ending with a few of those “thank you” threads.

I know thanks and gratitude change the world and are tremendously important. But I also see these as easy and integral ways to claim the power of the collective and the power of ourselves. It is the collective that makes changing the world truly possible.

So welcome to being human. Whom did you thank today? How and for what are you grateful?

_________________________________

Dalí sitting with books (Moxie Moves – link to printer! – and Talking to Trees) – Spirit Moxie
The thanks video is also on Instagram
Web (2011) – alijava
Gratitude collage: wine and flowers; tree; pedicure – Spirit Moxie

Claim

Posted on February 7, 2024 by B

Claim is a verb!

barren hills Redwood Canyon When I began writing this, I got a bit puckish and remembered the “Wild West” definition, with prospectors and land barons. In my imagination I saw dry creeks and hills. There, “claim” was a noun.

However the kind of claim that has an impact in changing the world is a verb. But apparently, it’s a verb many of us don’t trust. Last night, for example, I met a very interesting person, an executive in a wind turbine company based in Denmark that has a presence in Portland, Oregon, where I’m now living. The conversation went something like this:

Me: “So you change the world.”

Him: “Well, kinda. I’d like to think I do. But look at what our kids are inheriting.”

Me: “Claim it. You change the world. Period.”

Him: “Well, maybe, but…”

I think I finally got through. But if you “maybe’ change the world and “would maybe like to” make a difference, you probably don’t. This seems endemic to most of you that follow Spirit Moxie. Yes, you. Oh, the idea of “little things that can change the world” sounds good. You now read similar ideas elsewhere. You find that it’s fun to come up with new “little things.” You enjoy posts such as this one. But do you take any kind of stand that your actions work, that you (yes, you) matter?

Washing hands Intellectually how could your getting enough sleep* or brushing your teeth affect anyone besides yourself? Smiling* might brighten someone’s day, but would it, how could it, change the world?

There are a lot of parts embedded in this question. One analogy is, for example, that you want some exercise so you walk around the track at a local school. Or maybe even run around it. But even though you’re running, it’s not a race unless 1) you decide it is and 2) other people are involved. Note that #1 is you. Others could be racing and you’re not. But if you decide to race, if only to get a better time, others very likely will play along even if it isn’t a formal “race day.” It’s the same thing if you say that it would be great if people claimed that whatever little thing they are doing makes a difference. Smile*. Listen*. Vote*. All these are one person actions. You can’t make anyone else do them. It’s an individual decision.

What’s essential here is the “claiming.” Deciding that today is race day. Figuring that if I get enough sleep. I’ll be healthier and a lot more pleasant to be around and the health care system will have one fewer person to deal with. As a result my friends can relax and I can experience more joy which is actually contagious in a good way. There’s a deliberate action in this. It is by claiming these actions as making a difference that changing the world becomes possible. Even if only you do them. When a lot of us do them, positive, even unpredictable change becomes possible.

Taking a step We read that we’re enough, are fabulous, are good the way we are. But our mind may say, “Who, you? Don’t be silly. You’re not big or strong or important enough to matter.” Thank your mind for sharing. You are all you have to offer. And it is enough. If you claim that and I claim that, we have enough people for that race. And others will join in.

What’s your stand? Race on?

_____________________

* A chapter in Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference
1. Smile; 3. Sleep; 6. Listen; 9. Vote

All photos by Spirit Moxie
Red Rock Canyon Park (I think)
Another little thing: Wash Your Hands —David A. Lynch, model
Off to run — Noël Ponthieux, photographer

Choose Your Extravagances

Posted on December 5, 2023 by B

A couple of weeks ago, I asked some friends which “little thing” on the current list of little things we can do to change the world I should write about next. “Choose your extravagances” leaped out to them. It is number 10 on the original list of 100, so it was part of my initial determination of what small things could, indeed, change the world.

Jaguar parked by garage But what did I mean by extravagances when I first listed this in 2013? There aren’t any notes, but I’m pretty sure the why and how of this has expanded, if not changed.

In 2013, I think I viewed this as meaning, “don’t be wasteful.” That’s still valid. Do you really need “that” car, coat, or shiny object? Sometimes the answer is, “yes.” My partner always wanted a Jaguar, could afford one, and took great delight in driving it. Sometimes the answer is “really?” An example might be that expanded time share I almost never use that might both pay for itself and give me more options. But in this conversation, when talking about the things beyond necessities, often the answer is, “no.” NO! This is your own list. One friend actually functions better with his morning Starbucks americano. I can do just fine with coffee at home or at my local diner. Because I consciously choose to not own very much stuff, my examples are different from yours. Because I use public transportation well, a ride share service such as Uber or Lyft is an extravagance for me. But on my last visit to Cincinnati and during my “do I want to live in Thailand” experience, ride shares were usually the only option for getting places. I also have friends who have exclusively used ride shares, along with walking and maybe riding bikes, when they’ve chosen not to have a car.

Now I think there is another part of “choose your extravagances.” Deliberately select some extravagances. The key word here is “deliberately.” First, we live in a time where denying yourself is seen as virtuous. Think of that diet. Think of wanting to do what everyone else is doing but money and time are saying, “no.” Think about the idea that really wanting more of anything is wrong.

Now think of “extravagances” as one way of enjoying and participating in this world we think might benefit from some change. Perhaps it is to always have real whipped cream on your pie or whole milk in your latte. For me, I realized I enjoy going out to eat and travel more than new clothes or the latest phone. Do I ever buy clothes or replace electronics? Yes. But my monthly spending plan has an inordinate amount allotted to restaurants and the credit card I use gives me perks when traveling.

Flat white with design on top The diet example is maybe the easiest to understand. I usually ask for no cheese on sandwiches and omelettes as for me cheese only adds calories rather than flavor. But I enjoy good cheese with bread or crackers before dinner or even for dessert. Sometime in my late teens I decided cream and sugar in my coffee weren’t worth the calories, especially because I usually drank coffee with desserts. But now I have friends who will tell you that enjoying good coffee, usually black, is something they identify with me.

Sunrise over evergreens Note the phrase above of “enjoying and participating.” Enjoying the world is certainly central to having it be the world you know it could be. (“Changing the world” as the Spirit Moxie tagline reads.) When you are only angry with your partner or children, they never have a chance to blossom and be great around you. But when you enjoy being with them, enjoy their idiosyncrasies, and sometimes participate in what they love, something more beautiful than all of you becomes possible. Yes, I know that example is a bit simplistic. But think of our world the same way. What do you want to indulge in that is beautiful, extravagant, and that also, in some way, serves who you are? Getting up early to watch a sunrise? Ordering the real butter and the bread basket? Buying the shoes or spending the extra $40 for an upgraded airplane seat (yup – just did that)? And so, we participate. Not with something just because it’s there, but because it provides satisfaction and maybe a bit of joy.

Sparkling wine and goldfish crackers Your list will be different from mine. I’m pretty sure you can’t imagine that sandwich without cheese and that you find delight in the cheapest ticket you can find when traveling. But watch and choose. My friend bought the most expensive champagne she could find when she sold her house. She drinks a low cost Costco white wine otherwise.

Choose YOUR extravagances. And share what they are! Hearing about them adds to our enjoyment. Yes having and naming your extravagances will add to and change the world.

_______________________
Images from the top:

The Jaguar — Spirit Moxie
Flat white in New Zealand — Spirit Moxie
Sunrise — Teresa O’Bryant
Sparkling wine at Evoke Winery tasting room (Vancouver, WA) —Spirit Moxie

Spirit Moxie

Little Things That Can Change the World

Category Archives: Main Conversation