“Simple, but not easy.” All of a sudden I’m running into this phrase from several people whose work I respect. It’s meant to be reassuring. It is supposed to, I think, challenge in an accessible way. It seems to mean: The process is straightforward. The steps are clear. The assignment is transparent. But you’ll have to work hard to get to the result you really want.

I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t reassure me at all. I like things to be easy. I don’t really care if things are a bit complicated. It’s about feelings. I prefer feeling a bit lazy or a sense of things flowing in the right direction at the right pace. How about you?

I truly think we’ve become obsessed with things being hard and difficult to accomplish. If we don’t struggle, overcome obstacles, wear ourselves out, put in long  hours, and lift heavy boxes, we think something doesn’t have much merit. Read almost any account of someone you admire. They’ve overcome adversity, struggled for years, but still somehow wrestled the world into supporting where they are now. And we bow before such hard work and tell ourselves that if only we too worked 18 hour days we’d be just as successful.

The sad part is that I’m not even exaggerating. (Those of you who know me, know I am a tad prone to hyperbole.) People keep telling me stories of how things being hard works.

My coach is in a new, beautiful, and a bit unexpected, marriage because of all the hard personal work she put in a year ago. An actress/mentor/friend talks about how easy it is to learn the simple blocking of a scene and how hard to embody the character. I’m beginning a new writing class where we have been admonished that the assignments will be simple, but not easy, and it will be especially hard to learn to deal with and give feedback —and face the invasiveness of the assignments. But it will all be worth it (so I’m told).

I like these people and love what they offer me, but why are they so afraid of offering a vision that claims ease? I’d like to suggest that for the most part the only block to an incredible life with associated awesome results is our insistence that we have to fight against our challenges and flaws. We have to pat ourselves on the back for our extreme effort. We must claim that the only things that have worth are those that we have, in a sense or literally, won through or despite adversity.

Now I’m not saying that adversity, heartache, and tragedy aren’t real. Your boss goes rogue and you lose your job. Your partner dies or falls in love with your best friend. There’s a fire or an accident or an economic depression. These things happen.

It is in the process of getting past, through, or over  these events — somehow making it to the other side — that the hard “not easy” conversation or experience happens. Yes, I’ve been there too.

There is one simple (there’s that word) thing I’ve noticed each time it’s happened to me though. The hard part was never the event or obstacle. Every time what was hard was daring to relax into the easy possibilities on the other side.

In other words the hard part is making yourself jump over that obstacle, often without knowing what is next. Or letting yourself fall into it. Falling is easy! Accepting debt, death, or divorce can be immobilizing. But once you do, there is only easy possibility on the other side. Really.

For instance Spirit Moxie mainly exists because of the death of my partner Jim and the corresponding changes in my daily patterns. I made the decision to spend some money I didn’t know whether I had. It was only by accepting that I had to move on and relaxing into those possibilities that Spirit Moxie could be born and can continue to grow.

So try it for awhile. Choose ease. If something doesn’t feel easy as you do it, perhaps it’s not the right path. You stare at the blank piece of paper, struggle to light the pilot light rather than feeling where it is, or you worry to the point you’re immobilized.

Instead breathe. Feel your breath through your whole body. Note the brief pause at the end of a breath: a mini-vacation! And then, simply, do the next thing.

The easier something is to do, the more likely we’ll follow through and get it done. Studies show that removing as few as 20 seconds of resistance to a task or new habit makes it more probable that we’ll actually do something. If the empty space on the floor by my bed is clear, I’m more likely to do my morning stretches. Keeping healthy snacks in the front of the fridge and the rich chocolates in a hard to open container on a top shelf helps create new diet patterns. Showing up when you agree to meet friends for a walk is easier than calling to cancel. Having paper and pens nearby makes it simpler when you want to write or sketch. [Source. Shawn Achor, The Happiness Advantage]

So when circumstances seem hard, feel where the point of ease might be.

And make things easy. Claim things as easy. Relaxing into them gives guidance and brings positive change.

Are you ready?

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All photos by Spirit Moxie (from the top):
Level path
Shady, the disco cat (Portrait of Ease!)
Space by the side of the bed