There are a few phrases, idioms, sayings that I hate, not only because I don’t like them, but because I think they’re destructive. “Everything happens for a reason.” “It was God’s will.” “We’re only given what we can handle.” I think these platitudes make us complacent, take away cause, and often remove our motivation. Let’s face it, sometimes things just happen.
Meanwhile, there are all the bits I’ve been saying here about listening to our bodies. These comments might sound the same. Specifically, I’ve been claiming that our bodies keep trying to get our attention as we live into our best selves. (I was going to say “true purpose,” but that sounds as if there is only one right path, which I don’t believe at all.)
This means that at some level, we already know who we are at our happiest, most joyful, and most effective—however that manifests for you. This knowledge is often not in our minds because the brain is wired to protect us. The brain does this by building on past experience. So, in a very simple example, if you survived being yelled at by retreating and if you have found comfort and security through eating, those actions will form your safe patterns when there might even be just a chance of loud noises occurring. You’ll retreat and reach for the ice cream.
On the other hand, our bodies somehow know that these responses come from our mind protecting us and that patterns such as retreating and compulsive eating keep us from being our best selves. As a result, I think our bodies often do things to intentionally get our attention. Sometimes it’s just a vague feeling one can learn to identify, but often (maybe because we keep refusing to listen), it’s more dramatic. For example, I think a fallI I had in 2015 and my odd leukemia in 2016 were instances of this. These experiences both led me to find my best life journey, one that focuses on learning to live in the now – or just being.
So is a fall always a sign? I don’t think it is necessarily. A couple of months ago (mid-December 2019,) I fell again while walking a friend’s dog. Somehow, I tripped on a rise in the sidewalk, knew I tripped, and fell in a way that I couldn’t stop myself. Sparing you the details of the next hours (and days), I finally learned I had fractured my right elbow and would be wearing a stylish black sling when I was out of the house. But throughout this experience I was, and still am, very sure it was just an accident. I fell simply because I wasn’t focused on where I was going. It was a painful and inconvenient, but effective way to force me to become more ambidextrous. It was a dramatic way to encourage me to continue to ask for help. So, while no cosmic mission (or my body trying to get my attention so I could see the mission) caused the fall, the path to my best self has certainly used it for my own growth. This continues: I just learned my physical therapist will help me improve my posture!
Bottom line: sometimes stuff happens just because it happens. Sometimes things happen because there is something important that you are missing and need to learn about or pay attention to. This simply means learn to listen. Without blaming yourself or anyone else about what happens to you, how are you called to be your best self? What are you being told and why?
What are you learning in your daily stumbles? Have fun with the journey!
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Photo credits from the top:
Sidewalks for walking — Spirit Moxie
Author with arm in sling at Yosemite (detail, Christmas, 2019) — Prajak Sophondirekrat
Dog waiting for a walk — Spirit Moxie
Well, that and that Moxie Moves: 10 ways to make a powerful difference can indeed be a new year’s journey. Change the world, change yourself. Or vise versa. Available through your favorite source for books. And an autographed copy is still available at 
It’s late 2019 and I’m writing this in Thailand, a country where I don’t know the language and have only the vaguest knowledge of the customs. While I was here once before, it seems more difficult this time to actually get anywhere. The last time I was here I stayed with extended family members who would talk to taxi drivers for me. But on this trip, these same people are letting me experiment with what it might be like to live here. I have a small, family owned condo far (or it seems far) from any public transportation. The first time I tried to go somewhere the taxi dropped me off at a major bus station instead of the Sky Train that was my destination. The first cab I tried to hail to take me back home wouldn’t take me even though I showed him the address written out in Thai.
Oh, OK. Do I need help? No, I’m fine. I have my Thai phone and have signed up for the equivalent of an Uber service called Grab. I’ve almost figured out how to find locations where drivers can easily find me to pick me up to get home. I can walk from my condo to a mall that has restaurants, a grocery store, and place to buy an umbrella, water glasses, and a pitcher, which were the only things that seemed missing from “my” apartment. I have also learned that I make way too many assumptions. Somehow I expect people to know what I want, but the truth is that they’re waiting to be asked. People are glad when I do ask for whatever.
So who am I? I just found a coffee shop where I can write on my computer. I still haven’t created a space at home where I can write easily. And I’ve met multiple people (well, six) who are concerned about the process of being present. Through that connection I received an invitation to join a writing group. But I’m guessing that these activities aren’t part of a true identity either. There is a me beyond the one who likes coffee shops for writing and enjoys talking about “just being.”
Somewhere beyond this list of would be busyness there is a calm where possibility is created. Unfortunately it is also a place a bit beyond words which is all I have here. It is an extreme manifestation of what I’ve written before in 
Somehow I again forgot to request “no straw” with my water. But maybe I’m forgiven. Wait staff at my usual breakfast spots and a few bars never bring me one, so I forget that at some places people put them in drinks automatically. Why no straw? Straws don’t degrade easily; they increase trash; and I don’t particularly like them. So for me they’re a waste.
However some little and some not so little things have happen as they should and do. Every Saturday, I go to our local farmer’s market. While I’m there, I always collect a hug from a woman selling a newspaper that covers stories about the concerns of street people. The paper is sold by homeless or otherwise indigent people, instead of their begging for money. Somehow I never remember the name of the woman I stop to see, although she regularly bawls me out for being outside with wet hair and tells me about her dog and her husband. So, I figured I’d ask her name! (Again.) This time, I entered it in my phone and, with her permission, took a photo to go with it. As I walked around the market, I realized that these, too, are little things. Connecting with others. Learning names. I also realized I wanted to tell this story to you. So, I found my newspaper seller again. “Do you care if I use your picture on line?” “No,” she replied, “don’t do that. There were these people…[and another story ensued].” “OK, so I won’t use your name,” I said. “Oh, you can use my name,” she answered. “Just not my picture.” So here are other little things. Respect everyone. Ask for permission. Her name is Julie in case I need you to help me remember it.
The other two things happened by my following what my body wanted to do which is part of the challenge of 
Plus, for me there are the ongoing little things such as to remember to 
I’m excited about this new year. Maybe it’s because 2018 ended with an almost violent reset. A relationship I knew wasn’t forever ended suddenly. Maybe because my continued quest to “just be” has become more second nature with practice. Or perhaps it’s because I have an ongoing commitment to hope and possibility.
I did get to Hawaii, the first planned bucket list item I’ve done in years. So, somehow one can plan and “just be” at the same time, which is a skill I’m slowly learning. One buys the tickets or makes the plan — but you know that action is separate from the trip or the event. If it happens, it happens. For example, when I was ill at the end of 2016, I had to cancel two plane trips, but wasn’t penalized at all for doing so. Last year, I bought tickets for an event before my relationship ended and I wound up going to the concert with a completely unexpected someone for a supportive and gentle, and unplanned, afternoon.
On 
I don’t know about you, but when things seem obvious to me, I don’t even think about them. It’s beyond thinking that they’re equally clear to everyone. A communication about whatever it is really isn’t even on my mind. This is why I’m always getting in trouble because I don’t mention things like, well, I’m not coming up with anything because I’m not even thinking about it. It just is. 
These were just off the top of my head. But the first time I realized that what was obvious to me wasn’t always obvious to others occurred during a misguided stint teaching English and theatre. Oh, I had
Recently, while increasingly living moment-to-moment “in the present,” which I began sharing in 
The hiatus of staring out windows and at keyboards has also increased my minute-by-minute appreciation of how interesting and beautiful the world is. It’s increased my gratitude to the couple of people who have read the book and thought it had the right degree of personal-ness and length. And I’ve gotten back to “obvious.” I now have a determination to look again at the book’s beginning, to see where I’m making assumptions. To indeed make it clearer and, ideally, more interesting.
By the way, the book’s working title right now is Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference.
“Simple, but not easy.” All of a sudden I’m running into this phrase from several people whose work I respect. It’s meant to be reassuring. It is supposed to, I think, challenge in an accessible way. It seems to mean: The process is straightforward. The steps are clear. The assignment is transparent. But you’ll have to work hard to get to the result you really want.
I like these people and love what they offer me, but why are they so afraid of offering a vision that claims ease? I’d like to suggest that for the most part the only block to an incredible life with associated awesome results is our insistence that we have to fight against our challenges and flaws. We have to pat ourselves on the back for our extreme effort. We must claim that the only things that have worth are those that we have, in a sense or literally, won through or despite adversity. 
The easier something is to do, the more likely we’ll follow through and get it done. Studies show that removing as few as 20 seconds of resistance to a task or new habit makes it more probable that we’ll actually do something. If the empty space on the floor by my bed is clear, I’m more likely to do my morning stretches. Keeping healthy snacks in the front of the fridge and the rich chocolates in a hard to open container on a top shelf helps create new diet patterns. Showing up when you agree to meet friends for a walk is easier than calling to cancel. Having paper and pens nearby makes it simpler when you want to write or sketch. [Source. Shawn Achor,