I’m excited about this new year. Maybe it’s because 2018 ended with an almost violent reset. A relationship I knew wasn’t forever ended suddenly. Maybe because my continued quest to “just be” has become more second nature with practice. Or perhaps it’s because I have an ongoing commitment to hope and possibility.  Maybe it’s an intuitive knowing.

In rereading my challenges for us for 2017 (Dream) and 2018 (And a year begins), I wonder how I could have been so wise. And still, at the beginning of this year, I enter with positive uncertainty (yes, this can be true) and excitement. I did dream. And I didn’t have concrete expectations, or, in other words, put limits on, how those dreams should appear. (You  might want to reread those posts too!)

The BOOK isn’t published, but has acquired a new urgency and importance as to how it could be useful to others. It’s written. I’m currently reviewing and doing a bit of rewriting. Plus, an expansion suddenly appeared reflecting how the ideas in the book are presented. Working on it has become fun, although sometimes challenging.

I did get to Hawaii, the first planned bucket list item I’ve done in years. So, somehow one can plan and “just be” at the same time, which is a skill I’m slowly learning. One buys the tickets or makes the plan — but you know that action is separate from the trip or the event. If it happens, it happens. For example, when I was ill at the end of 2016, I had to cancel two plane trips, but wasn’t penalized at all for doing so. Last year, I bought tickets for an event before my relationship ended and I wound up going to the concert with a completely unexpected someone for a supportive and gentle, and unplanned, afternoon.

On Spirit Moxie’s Facebook page (where there are suddenly thousands of likes thanks to some great social media coaching), I asked, “what word or phrase are you claiming to guide and support you” for 2019? Perhaps this is one of the more common “don’t make resolutions” ideas. Friends on other sites are using words for 2019 like “success” as theirs. But my true challenge to you is more systemic. What word will pull you when you’re feeling depressed? What will remind you of who you are deep in your heart at your very best? What word can encompass the feelings your dreams elicit?

Danielle LaPorte created something called The Desire Map which has you discover what feelings feed and support you, the feelings that confirm you’ve had a fabulous day. Mine — but remember these aren’t yours — are “adventurous, creative, connected and light.” I thought living as “just being” would change them, but they haven’t. You might want to discover your words. But even if you don’t use her resource think about it. How do you want to feel? Be as specific as possible.

And join me in entering 2019 with positive expectations. We are claiming little things that can change the world, remember? Hope opens up the possibility for those expectations to appear.

So, what worlds or phrase will support you? And us.

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All photos by Spirit Moxie – from the top:

2019 – sidewalk art
Waikiki Beach at sunset
Facebook post – photo of Richardson Bay, California

No, I didn’t tell you. I just assumed that you knew.

I don’t know about you, but when things seem obvious to me, I don’t even think about them. It’s beyond thinking that they’re equally clear to everyone. A communication about whatever it is really isn’t even on my mind. This is why I’m always getting in trouble because I don’t mention things like, well, I’m not coming up with anything because I’m not even thinking about it. It just is.

But you need examples? Well, for one, things are neater and cleaner when the trash is taken to the garbage bin. Another is that humans are all related. Also, apparently contradictory things can be true.

These were just off the top of my head. But the first time I realized that what was obvious to me wasn’t always obvious to others occurred during a misguided stint teaching English and theatre. Oh, I had  (still have for that matter) the credentials and could facilitate a discussion. But I was also expected to impart information, to “teach,” and, while I know a good deal about these subjects, I have trouble recalling facts or sharing them in any detail. In this instance the students were reading plays, but not participating. After a few classes that filled me with frustration, I caught on. Not everyone “sees” (like having your own pop-up stage in your head) a play when they read one. So they have difficulty following the storyline. I do “see” plays in my head and assumed everyone read like this. 

I experienced this in reverse when a staff I worked with (technically I was the boss) refused to believe I wasn’t just avoiding work when I suggested they pack up after an event while I sorted out the details with the hotel. The fact that they, and probably you, could put the same items into less space in a shorter amount of time than I could never occurred to them. Not my skill set. Someone can fold the SAME stack of clothes as I do and it will be two to five inches shorter than the stack I fold. Really. No matter how careful I am.

On a day-to-day basis obvious things include thinking it’s clear where you’re meeting someone. Understanding likes and dislikes. Knowing it’s perfectly fine and safe to be downtown in a city. Seeing what’s polite, like having your change ready when you’re in line waiting to pay for something.

What are your concrete examples?

Recently, while increasingly living moment-to-moment “in the present,” which I began sharing in “Just Be,” I’ve crashed into other’s expectations. As mentioned in previous posts, I’m writing/producing a short book explaining Spirit Moxie, which involves giving people a few concrete tools to engage in the important work of making a difference in the world. The purpose of the book is to give readers insights to see how, with a slight shift in intention, they can make a difference by doing what they’re already doing.

Dutifully I’ve had several people read the preliminary manuscript and have received good comments and a few insights. But suddenly the purpose of the book, which was obvious to me, was perceived as not specific enough. Not personal enough. Too short (but I write “short,” don’t I?). The result has been this post, a lot of staring at games on my phone, and the occasional escape into a mystery story.

I thought the book was personal. And that the idea of making a difference was obvious. Somehow, while I accepted the needed challenge to clarify and rewrite. the actual process has not reflected the ease I also think should be obvious.

The hiatus of staring out windows and at keyboards has also increased my minute-by-minute appreciation of how interesting and beautiful the world is. It’s increased my gratitude to the couple of people who have read the book and thought it had the right degree of personal-ness and length. And I’ve gotten back to “obvious.” I now have a determination to look again at the book’s beginning, to see where I’m making assumptions. To indeed make it clearer and, ideally, more interesting.

Meanwhile what’s obvious to you? Keep a list. I’ll do the same. And we’ll see where the obvious keeps us from connecting.

Oh, and thanks for engaging anyway. And not being too mad I didn’t tell you what I meant more clearly. Together we can make a difference. Obviously.

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By the way, the book’s working title right now is Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference.  How does this work for you?

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Photos from the top:

Iridescent Stairs (why?) – Heartyjacques
Pages from Our Town by Thornton Wilder — Spirit Moxie
Sidewalk Art (a good thing?) — Spirit Moxie
View from Bridge (beautiful?) — Spirit Moxie
Possible Title Page!

Thought we needed this! Enjoy. Comment. Share.

Click on Picture for Video

When events feel dark, it’s important to remember the world really is beautiful. Filmed by Spirit Moxie at the Newport Aquarium. Edited by www.garytempleton.net

“Simple, but not easy.” All of a sudden I’m running into this phrase from several people whose work I respect. It’s meant to be reassuring. It is supposed to, I think, challenge in an accessible way. It seems to mean: The process is straightforward. The steps are clear. The assignment is transparent. But you’ll have to work hard to get to the result you really want.

I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t reassure me at all. I like things to be easy. I don’t really care if things are a bit complicated. It’s about feelings. I prefer feeling a bit lazy or a sense of things flowing in the right direction at the right pace. How about you?

I truly think we’ve become obsessed with things being hard and difficult to accomplish. If we don’t struggle, overcome obstacles, wear ourselves out, put in long  hours, and lift heavy boxes, we think something doesn’t have much merit. Read almost any account of someone you admire. They’ve overcome adversity, struggled for years, but still somehow wrestled the world into supporting where they are now. And we bow before such hard work and tell ourselves that if only we too worked 18 hour days we’d be just as successful.

The sad part is that I’m not even exaggerating. (Those of you who know me, know I am a tad prone to hyperbole.) People keep telling me stories of how things being hard works.

My coach is in a new, beautiful, and a bit unexpected, marriage because of all the hard personal work she put in a year ago. An actress/mentor/friend talks about how easy it is to learn the simple blocking of a scene and how hard to embody the character. I’m beginning a new writing class where we have been admonished that the assignments will be simple, but not easy, and it will be especially hard to learn to deal with and give feedback —and face the invasiveness of the assignments. But it will all be worth it (so I’m told).

I like these people and love what they offer me, but why are they so afraid of offering a vision that claims ease? I’d like to suggest that for the most part the only block to an incredible life with associated awesome results is our insistence that we have to fight against our challenges and flaws. We have to pat ourselves on the back for our extreme effort. We must claim that the only things that have worth are those that we have, in a sense or literally, won through or despite adversity.

Now I’m not saying that adversity, heartache, and tragedy aren’t real. Your boss goes rogue and you lose your job. Your partner dies or falls in love with your best friend. There’s a fire or an accident or an economic depression. These things happen.

It is in the process of getting past, through, or over  these events — somehow making it to the other side — that the hard “not easy” conversation or experience happens. Yes, I’ve been there too.

There is one simple (there’s that word) thing I’ve noticed each time it’s happened to me though. The hard part was never the event or obstacle. Every time what was hard was daring to relax into the easy possibilities on the other side.

In other words the hard part is making yourself jump over that obstacle, often without knowing what is next. Or letting yourself fall into it. Falling is easy! Accepting debt, death, or divorce can be immobilizing. But once you do, there is only easy possibility on the other side. Really.

For instance Spirit Moxie mainly exists because of the death of my partner Jim and the corresponding changes in my daily patterns. I made the decision to spend some money I didn’t know whether I had. It was only by accepting that I had to move on and relaxing into those possibilities that Spirit Moxie could be born and can continue to grow.

So try it for awhile. Choose ease. If something doesn’t feel easy as you do it, perhaps it’s not the right path. You stare at the blank piece of paper, struggle to light the pilot light rather than feeling where it is, or you worry to the point you’re immobilized.

Instead breathe. Feel your breath through your whole body. Note the brief pause at the end of a breath: a mini-vacation! And then, simply, do the next thing.

The easier something is to do, the more likely we’ll follow through and get it done. Studies show that removing as few as 20 seconds of resistance to a task or new habit makes it more probable that we’ll actually do something. If the empty space on the floor by my bed is clear, I’m more likely to do my morning stretches. Keeping healthy snacks in the front of the fridge and the rich chocolates in a hard to open container on a top shelf helps create new diet patterns. Showing up when you agree to meet friends for a walk is easier than calling to cancel. Having paper and pens nearby makes it simpler when you want to write or sketch. [Source. Shawn Achor, The Happiness Advantage]

So when circumstances seem hard, feel where the point of ease might be.

And make things easy. Claim things as easy. Relaxing into them gives guidance and brings positive change.

Are you ready?

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All photos by Spirit Moxie (from the top):
Level path
Shady, the disco cat (Portrait of Ease!)
Space by the side of the bed

To be is an incredible minute by minute way to live and I started a conversation post to share it with you. But last week I ran flat into its opposite.The space where nothing seems right. I’ll bet you know that place too! Suddenly I was where nothing I do is clear, no one understands the power and importance of Spirit Moxie, the book that I think I want to publish isn’t useful, and I am probably fat and ugly to boot. Nope. Not a place to “just be.” 

Oh, I’ve been working on all of the “be” pieces for over a year now so I knew this wasn’t true. But even with breathing and intellectual appreciation, old habits stopped by. Self-indulgence. Self-doubt. Feeling vulnerable…

I’ve been writing a book to explain Spirit Moxie. No, I have written a book to explain Spirit Moxie. And FYI, the book’s working title is Mattering. A book to encourage anyone who thinks that what they do doesn’t matter. And to support those (like you) that know their day to day actions do matter, but still welcome encouragement and challenge. It’s been read by a friend in Maine. It needs serious editing. And a title.

So last week I met with my friend Linda for a brainstorming session to begin the process of naming the book. (You met Linda in “Moxie and Miracles” as the librarian who only appears to me at work when I need her. ) After a great hour or so we came up with:

1) Make a Difference: merely matter
2) Merely Matter: a simple guide for your every day

We liked the alliteration of “merely” with“matter” and how “merely” implies how easy and basic making a difference can be.

The next day I shared these options in three different places on Facebook: 1) the Spirit Moxie page; 2) my personal feed; 3) a private group for creatives curated by the incomparable Samantha Bennett and The Organized Artist Company. There were three very different responses.

On the Spirit Moxie page, people mainly just voted (mostly for #2) or made alternative suggestions such as Mattering: a guide for your every day, Matter, and What Matters? 

On my personal page there was an intense discussion of the word “merely,” which was seen as implying “minor” and “unimportant” to one respondent. Which then promoted a debate that “minor and unimportant” was, perhaps, the point and for another prompted the poem shared towards the end of this conversation.

But the most revealing conversation was in the private group where it was very clear that despite my explanations not only didn’t the title work at all for someone who hadn’t heard about the vision of Spirit Moxie, but that the idea of mattering wasn’t obvious and by implication a book wouldn’t have an audience if it had that focus much less benefit by having the word in the title. OK. So I’m exaggerating.  Slightly. While humbled by the scope and intensity of the answers and versed enough in criticism and “being” to appreciate the input, I was, being merely human, and shall we say “disheartened.”

My internal dialog went something like, “No one really wants the insights of Spirit Moxie. And while people say that helping people see how they make a difference is exciting, in print it’s confusing and useless. This will never work. There’s no way to respond. Etc.”

Does any of this sound familiar? So I went to bed. As soon as I lay down my mind said, “You need to write about this. The heck with a gentle post about the day by day – this is about ‘angst’ and people need to know this happens.” Somehow I didn’t jump up and start writing. Sleep. “Sleep” is actually one of the topics in “the” book as one of the things that changes the world and perhaps I should practice what I, as they say, preach. Finally I slept.    

So what is the point of this? Even being in the day to day, angst, despair, whatever will creep in. But breathe. Like it all. For anything appearing this way is just information. Yes, despite all of the above, all I’ve been told is that I/we need a title. And we know that.

Where does angst creep in for you? Is it simply information?

And then there’s the word “merely” which prompted this response from Spirit Moxie follower Brian Johnson:

‘Merely’ a snowflake helped move tons of snow,
     fed rivers with life,
helped seasons come and go.

‘Merely’ a smile, a hug, a kiss, a hand to hold…
     brought hope to the paining,
the lost lonely souls.

‘Merely’ a step closer, to extend a loving hand,
     bring back and heal family, universally
distributed throughout the lands.

Help overcome darkness by bringing the light,
     of selflessness, caring, sharing
and ‘mere’ might. ♡

So in summary: The above title suggestions don’t grab a lot of people. The reason for the book is that people are confused about the need and importance for claiming their every day actions. Most people like the name “Spirit Moxie.”  As I wandered through this I came up with one more suggestion:

Moxie Moves: 10 ways to change the world or 10 ways to make a difference.

But I/we need your suggestions. That’s how little things work  So leave a message here,  call me for a drink or a walk, or rant in an email. For the whole Spirit Moxie premise is that we can only do this together.

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Image credits from the top:

Brainstorming session — Spirit Moxie
Logo for Tango with Time created through Organized Artist Company connections
by Jazlyn James during the above “angst”
Bed — David A. Lynch
Helen Keller quote in Main Library of Public Library of Cincinnati and Hamilton County —
Spirit Moxie

Many of you are either not on Facebook or are on Facebook and never see the pictures and other resources posted there. Here are three very different items that were on the Spirit Moxie Facebook page which you may have missed. Enjoy!

Banner found in my local library posted as a preview to the Use Libraries post.

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This provocative poem was written by the teenage daughter of a friend:

I want to paint a picture
using my whole set of paint.

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Photos by Spirit Moxie — from the top:
Banner in the Main Branch of the Public Library of Cincinnati and Hamilton County
At the Park Hyatt Beaver Creek Resort, Vail, Colorado (we think – corrections welcome)

So how do you enter a new year when you’ve spent the last one going minute to minute, have largely ignored the implications of passing time, and haven’t read most of the current “get ready for 2018” offerings? And you still feel compelled to write a Spirit Moxie conversation post for the New Year?

2017 was underscored by my doctor’s admonition, “You were life threateningly sick, you know.” Well, OK. I believe him. But it didn’t feel like that. It was a year of, well, a year of seeing how things unfolded. So if I need a word to describe 2017, it’s that: “unfolding.” It unfolded from possible financial irresponsibility to relative stability. It went from my worst health crisis to official good health. (I’ve actually been released by my oncologist.) And it has cemented into a minute by minute world that, when I follow that moment to moment path, all kinds of interesting things appear. A chance to be on the radio. A new Facebook page, Tango with Time, that allows me to share how I now experience time and how you can experience it too. My first tries at Facebook Live.(You can find  them here.)

In the beginning of 2016, I wrote the post Dream. In it I said I wanted “ongoing support and unexpected adventures,” two things that have shown up in spades, as they say, for the past two years. In 2017, the results were random and certainly unexpected adventures, such as an unplanned bucket list of events that weren’t on my radar at all until they happened and, I could say, “Oh! That was something I’ve never done and now know I wanted to.” Flown a kite. Ordered room service. Gone to major events completely off my radar such as the Indianapolis  500 and Byron Katie’s School for the Work. (Bet those two have never been claimed in the same sentence before!) And the aforementioned radio appearance.

I have learned since the last time I wrote something for the New Year at the beginning of 2016 the following:

Dreams work. I still dream of adventures and of challenging and connecting with you. But I’ve learned that what is behind the dreams is more important than their concrete manifestation. So, while I want to offer hope and support, that has certainly not shown up as planned.

Love works. And by being open to it, love will materialize in unexpected relationships, a reshuffling of friendships (no, not losing them, just rearranging), and new interests (I’m suddenly being introduced to everything I missed by being fairly sheltered in the late 60s early 70s— think music groups). Love can also, simply, result in just being more present. Love can show up in words, possibilities, and unexpected hope.

But be warned. When you claim, “just being,” as your mantra, nothing will show up as you thought it would, especially concrete plans. That being said, one plan for 2018 is to finally publish a book introducing the basics of Spirit Moxie. It’s being read by a friend as I type this. But will it become an actual offering? I don’t really know. All I know is for certain is now, and now I’m writing this post.

I’ve also learned that the more you don’t get out of your own way, the harder things are. What does this mean? Some examples are clinging to plans that don’t serve you or panicking when something doesn’t go the way you thought it should.

So rather than “what are your dreams for 2018,” although dreams are fun and useful, my question is what will you let float out of your way for 2018? It’s OK to give them a gentle push. The idea that you’re not good enough for something? That the world is dark? Exactly how your equivalent of a book will manifest itself? That you need to know, all the time, where the funds for whatever are coming from? Where you will encounter love? These are just some examples. What are your dreams and what might be the presuppositions that are in the way?

Can you take these questions of what you want and how they are and, metaphorically, pat them on the head, and ask, what do I see right now? It’s all good if we’re looking with the right eyes. And the form they’re meant to have will show up along the way….

Happy New Year!

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Images for the new year – from the top:

Double rainbow over Hawkes Bay, Napier, New Zealand – Spirit Moxie

at Grace Cathedral, San Francisco – Prajak Sophondirekrat

Moon in branches – Spirit Moxie
Mooring with no attachments – Spirit Moxie