The Challenge of Story

Posted on April 24, 2024 by B

Five star library sign; bookshelves Almost everyone loves a good story, whether a formal tale or that anecdote about the guy in the supermarket. It’s one reason gossip is fuel for so many and, I’m guessing, is also the basis for serious insights revealed in therapy.

One version of story — I might argue the most pervasive version — is what our minds “say” about feelings and events. It may indeed be raining. Someone hit you. Joe actually said those words. I might like rain, see the blow as a playful punch, and know Joe was teasing. However, you might experience rain as depressing, be scared of such violent action, and feel violated by Joe’s words. When one starts identifying our interpretations as story, it can be very freeing even when the interpretation is negative. And when we start looking at being powerful in the world, truly wanting to contribute to positive change, just beginning to see this is important.

However, there are other sides of story. There are the ones we hear and read. But today the sides I’m fascinated with are the ones that explain how we’ve evolved and are evolving into our best selves. This is the part of you that, perhaps, loves animals, understands music, and smiles at strangers. The part of you that yearns to change the world, that wants to make a powerful difference, has also been formed by story.

Because often our default in stories about ourselves is negative, and we usually tell those stories to share our vulnerability, I dare you to look deeper. Other stories are there.

shadow of figure on sidewalk I got to this point by realizing I’m sometimes impatient when people see situations as hard (yes, I know I don’t know all of the details). And I realized why. One day I was simply walking down the street by the main branch of the Cincinnati public library (officially the Cincinnati and Hamilton County Public Library), headed to meet my son for dinner. Suddenly I fell down. I didn’t trip. I didn’t pass out. My shoes were tied. There wasn’t a bump. I just fell. Flat on my face. Well, at least I turned my head. After I convinced the 20-year-olds passing by that they didn’t need to call 911 and was given some Kleenex by one of them, I proceeded on, got some ice for my head from the restaurant’s bartender, and had dinner. Two days later I finally went to my doctor who diagnosed a mild concussion. And the remedy for a mild concussion is low light and no activity.

So, I thought, in the best new age manner, “What is my body trying to tell me?” Clearly, since my body simply fell, it was trying to get my attention about something. As I lay there in the low light, I realized it seemed to be calling me to be simply present. It was saying that planning and forced acting wasn’t me. And for a year, I easily lived in that space.

But at the end of the year I was diagnosed with an odd kind of leukemia. Clearly, in this story of listening to my body, my body was actually shouting. This time the attention getting involved three weeks in the hospital, first with chemo, second through a process of resetting my white blood count, and finally the diagnosis and treatment for a nasty MERSA infection. Apparently, being present was still too active. I was called just to be.

Personally, I love this story. Mainly because it works. People talk about internal mind chatter (yes, I do still have some), how hard it is to live in “now,” and being overwhelmed with day-to-day demands. Apparently, almost dying (as my doctor once impatiently reminded me) can make just being almost always easy. Note that through just being, multiple things happened, or got done if you prefer, such as publishing two books* and moving across the country.

Green rock with "Believe in Yourself" on it This, too, is a story. Somewhere there is a story that works for you. Perhaps it’s about learning how to love. Or what happened when your kids finally realized they didn’t know everything. Maybe it has something to do with seeing, really seeing, that you’re good at skiing or gardening or playing the Legend of Zelda. Or whatever you like to do.

You may learn that you can relax enough to begin a story where you, too, find the advantages of presence, being, and ease.

Play with it. It’s time to give your positive stories space and love. I dare you to share!

___________________________
All photos by Spirit Moxie – from the top:

Main branch of the Cincinnati Library – 2019
B’s shadow on sidewalk
Rock – “Believe in Yourself” (Don’t really know the source of this photo, do you?)

*Books: Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference
Talking to Trees through poetry and pictures

Welcome 2024

Posted on January 4, 2024 by B

Remember who you are.

upside down one way sign This year I struggled with a post about the new year, which is why this post is early in the year, but not at the very beginning. I reread all the former end of/beginning of year Spirit Moxie Conversations. (I suggest the core 1916 post “Dream” and last year’s “Foundations.”) I wrote a lot of rough drafts about “unease,” which is hardly the most positive word for 2023. Plus, it wasn’t entirely true. Then, on a New Year’s Eve flight to visit my son and his family, I understood. Besides wondering why travel always freed me, I realized I’d stopped claiming who I am at my core. And that was the source of the unease I felt.

Have you forgotten who you are? Has the chatter in your head become so loud that you’ve also forgotten your beauty, resilience, and general fabulousness, which, by the way, are three things I know are true about you?

The first clue I had that I’d forgotten was my reaction to a challenge from Amanda Fuel as part of a finance game in which I’m participating. What percentage of my life is determined and guided by me and what percentage is guided or manifested by the magic of the Universe/God/Chance (choose your phrase)? She was working on a 55%/45% relationship for herself. I’ve heard 10%/90% as well and vice versa. If you find these percentages useful, play with them. How much of the determining factors do you bring and how much do you want to happen to you through forces outside of you?

Thinking about this, I realized that what meant the most to me wasn’t percentages, but recognizing that there is a partnership between the two. Somehow, for me, that partnership had been shaken and become unstable. While I have had dreams and goals, somehow they had become just words I’d written. In other words, to be effective, I needed to actively remember who I was and who I am so the Universe (or whomever) could do its magic.

clouds from plane window The second piece to help you remember: I kind of dare you to try. It is an exercise I love that apparently pushes people’s buttons. Ask someone — using these exact words — “Tell me how I’m fabulous.” You can ask me that question when you see me in person. Or, send me a private message. There’s two parts to this apparently very vulnerable question: 1) You learn things about yourself you’ve never noticed before and 2) It’s a gift to the person being asked. To look at you that way and share is exciting, interesting, and bonding for the person responding. We love the challenge to ourselves to look at you this way. Plus, we’ve been wanting you to know! So my request to ask me is pretty much all self-interest!*

Who you are at your core is what to bring into 2024. Your own greatness. Your job, if you will, is to remember that that greatness is there. Yes, include those dreams. Use the word “goals” if you prefer. It’s fun if some of them are huge and some are tiny. Share those too.

The world needs you exactly as you are right now. Yes, you’ll change. But breathe into now, the you of early 2024. And, in the next step you take, breath into that you too.

Thank you!

_______________________________________

*I I know I got this exercise from someone else, but haven’t been able to find it again.

All images by Spirit Moxie:
Upside down sign: Is this how the end of the year felt?
View on the New Year’s Eve flight

Foundations

Posted on January 4, 2023 by B

Welcome to 2023!

Those who have read my previous posts for a new year have been invited to dream, choose a word or phrase to guide us, and otherwise embrace the year we’re entering (even 2021 with all its uncertainty). I still believe that all these activities are useful, empowering, and, often, engaging. But now that this new year has begun, let’s pause once more and claim the best for it slightly differently.

This year, I sense that there is more power in beginning with a three-part template. First, truly claim the power of gratitude. Second, dare to stand firmly as who you are rather than in some idealistic version you’ll magically become by next December. Finally, yes, restate and re-envision your dreams — and connect them to gratitude.

Picture of puzzle OK, but how does this really work in practice? Begin with, “What am I grateful for that occurred in 2022?.” What brought delight? Did you catch glimpses of joy? Then share those experiences! If you’re stuck, just naming that you made it to a new year is a great beginning. I’ve met new friends. I am actually cooking again fairly regularly. A health scare was easily resolved thanks to my community and great doctors. And I could go on: the demand that Corner of Calm continue; finishing a puzzle before I left from my Christmas visit to family.

You may have had some terrible, terrible things happen during the past year. Acknowledge that. Then look for tiny things to give thanks for if you can’t find big ones. This isn’t a Pollyanna-ish exercise. Set a timer for five minutes, get as still as you can, and write down whatever gratitude you see. Share one or two in the comments (sharing gives gratitude power). Post on Facebook. Send me an email. Knowing there was good in 2022, however hard or easy it is to find it, lays a base. It’s the difference between, “Prove yourself stupid time marker!” vs “I can see glimpses of what can be good in a year! Interesting.”

The second piece of our New Year’s claiming is you. Yes, You! One of the phrases I heard a lot last year was the deceptively simple statement, “You are enough.” If you really want to mess with what we believe, we can add in my claim that you’re perfect. What? I know both of those statements anger our critical minds, but reread what I wrote about “perfect” before you get all defensive. Neither of these statements means we can’t and won’t change. What happens is that we become even more who we are. I really do know you are awesome and it is crucial to a wonderful new year that you see it, too.

Dog on lap Here are a couple of exercises that can help. For me they involve writing, but a conversation with a really good friend or an activity that involves some other means of expression (drawing? making up a song? going on a thoughtful walk?) works, too. Name 5 to 10 of your gifts. I would guess that a couple of them even got stronger last year. I, for example, have bonded more with animals. None of these gifts have to be huge (although I would bet some are). “Calm during COVID” is still one of mine. If you really can’t think of anything, it might be useful to start keeping a list of compliments. I’m not sure from whom I got that exercise, but I have a place to write down “chill” when that was applied to me. Just the word. Some of you may have more physical things to name as gifts, although I would hope most of those (“my business took off”) were in your gratitude list.

It is from this place of naming who you are, even if others don’t always see it, that we bring strength to the third part. Dream and vision. Plan if you must (as someone not linear, I truly forget that often you are), but don’t set those plans in stone. What we want are destinations and some eagerness to take steps towards them. But it isn’t the steps we are naming here. It isn’t “I’m losing weight.” Or even a particular weight number. But to be able to say, “I’m truly happy with my body.” Not, “I’ll be debt free,” but “I live in true abundance.” Not even, “I want better experiences,’ but “I know delight.” Name the end, not the means. As Mike Dooley says, you set your GPS and then move. If we head the wrong way with a GPS, we are redirected.

Finally, as part of this visioning, give thanks for your dreams right now. I give thanks for my body. I delight in what I have and do. I know joy. Fuel. A stillness and foundation full of momentum. Paradox.

Gruet champagne bottle I’m not sure what images work for you as you enter this new year, but I know that you can only embrace them as yourself. And yourself is fabulous. Right now. I see that. Plus, remember that the groundwork from last year supports the vision for this one.

I toasted my new year with champagne bubbles and, today, I might do it again with herb tea. You?

Welcome to 2023!

___________________________
All photos by Spirit Moxie. From the top:

Puzzle finished over Christmas
Dog on my lap
New Year’s bubbles

Masquerade

Posted on November 11, 2022 by B

One of my favorite things is seeing something and am I’m certain I know what it is, but then having it turn out to be something completely different than what I thought. The insect that looks like a leaf is the classic. Or the leaf that looks like almost anything else: a small animal; a dog turd; a hole. Recently I saw a rock that looked like a hiding cat (actually frustrating because I was looking for the cat), a bird that looked like a valve on a pipe (or maybe vice versa), and a leaf that looked like a piece of food thrown on the ground.

Plus all this occurred at the time of year when people dress up. Usually “masquerade” is associated with Mardi Gras, but isn’t that also what we do for Halloween? Or in those Santa Claus beer crawls? You get to be that zombie fairy vampire* or the Ninja representative of death or a random dude in need of a costume. For weeks online and in random bars, you hear, “What are you going to be?” Parents ask their children. Adults ask their friends.

When I was juggling parenting, working, and other roles that came with “being human” in my 20s, I talked about “playing.” So, at the teacher/parent meeting, I’d play parent. At a spouse’s work event, I’d play spouse, etc. It didn’t mean, as members of a counseling group I attended thought, that I wasn’t always a mom and a spouse. It just meant, to me at the time, that I put on that role in a deliberate way for the occasion. My counseling buddies would have not have appreciated the fact that the word “person” comes from a Latin word that includes “mask” in its definition. Masks are integral who we are.

But what does this have to do with being present or changing the world, which I think are the two main reasons you’re reading this? That and curiosity. The point I’m emphasizing here is that you can’t truly masquerade as someone else unless you know who you really are. I’m sharing a Halloween picture of me last year with my granddaughter. I wanted to go trick or treating with her and family norms demanded a costume. I did not want to spend a lot on a costume, so, as shown in this picture, I’m a rumpled man (never could get a great name for the costume), who knows she’s a grandparent, cheapskate, parent (my son was along too), and tourist (in a new part, for me, of San Francisco). I was a lot of other things too. A user of public transit by choice and not default. Present to the energy and moods of an eight-year-old. Not interested in candy much personally. Grateful when people appreciated that I too was in costume. Amenable to any plans. Maybe these are surface traits, but my awareness of them allowed the afternoon/early evening to unfold smoothly and enjoyably.

One of the best challenges I’ve read recently is to list what you’re good at. Not what needs to be fixed. So what are those traits? Do you use them, in a positive way, as masks integral to you as a person or do you hide those traits or lurk behind them?

Who are you? What do you love about yourself? And what masks do you put on — physically, mentally, or emotionally just for fun? Do these masks add or expand that self? Claim and play!

__________________________________

From the top:

Praying Mantis — Sid Mosdell

*Street Poem that helped inspire this post by Sam Bones/streetpoetsam of Inspired Type

Zombie Fairies

They are very friendly, actually
Flitting here and there
From tree to tree and flower to flower
And they are especially attracted
to little girls in pink that play piano

They don’t leave a trail of blood, tho’
The only way you know you’re bitten
Is by the trail of glitter on the side of your neck.
(see image for proper formatting)

Trick or Treaters — Spirit Moxie

Questioning Thoughts

Posted on August 30, 2022 by B

Or “It Ain’t True, Darlin’ ”

It shouldn’t have bothered me. My excuse is that I was tired and stressed and helping with that particular project was one of the things I’d enjoyed the most about this volunteer gig. So when, for maybe the third time, I was told I wasn’t needed to help anymore, I decided I was being dismissed because I was too slow, not as accurate as I thought, and so forth.

A bit later I laughed at myself. This was a classic example of letting other’s words get me down. In retrospect, I didn’t even know if their words were about me. Perhaps the whole project was already under control (it certainly worked in the end). Perhaps the organizers were feeling stressed and saying “no” made them feel more in control. Shoot – maybe I threatened them (that has happened, not sure why).

One of the hardest things to understand is that what we think about things isn’t actually real. It is just what our mind is saying about whatever the “fact” or event is. Our minds process what’s happening so we can make sense of it and to keep us safe. My default response to what I hear as negative comments is an explanation of why I’m inadequate. Inadequacy is my default safe place. While that sounds negative, think about it. For me, even though I think I’d like to be seen as fabulous, I’ve never been physically harmed when I’ve felt inadequate.

Perhaps your default is to be right or self-righteous. Whatever your default response, it is a feeling that helps you feel comfortable. It feels safe and familiar, even if part of you wishes you reacted differently. For me feeling inadequate may not be pleasant, but it is a familiar place that has kept me out of trouble and helped me fit in for as long as I can remember.

Another default response for some people can seem like the opposite of this. Perhaps you push boundaries beyond any reasonable expectation. Danger reminds you that you’re alive. For you, it’s safer to place yourself in situations where life seems disposable—on your own terms.

Maybe anything new is simply seen as “dangerous.” And so welcomed. Or, as a classic defense, something to be rejected.

None of these responses are bad or wrong or unusual. But learning to see thoughts as thoughts, with no intrinsic reality, can be very freeing. When I can notice the “inadequate” conversation, I’m free to question it and change it to showing me as competent, interesting, and curious. To hear alternative versions of things we are sure we absolutely know are true helps us see that, just maybe, we can look at that truth a bit differently.

There are several tools and reflections available to explore this. Perhaps one of the best known is The Work from Byron Katie. What she does is so simple that some find it threatening, feel manipulated, and dismiss her. Basically, what she says is that if thoughts are causing you pain, question them. Whatever truth there is in what happened, in this minute you have choices on how you look at those thoughts and, by extension, the events you’re thinking about. Here is the link to what she calls The Work, which is based on four questions:
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know it’s true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without that thought?

The answers to these questions are followed by simple, non-judgmental curiosity about “turnarounds” where you consider what may be true when you reverse the thought.

More recently, I finally read Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong: how the ability to reset transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. This book was a gift I received from someone over seven years ago that initially I resisted reading. (My mind had these thoughts that for me the book wasn’t useful.). This book also helps us look at how we relate to our thoughts – plus how we form thoughts and can change them. Brown looks at this challenge from a more experiential direction than Katie. Brown’s discussion includes exploring our default responses.

On a lighter, or at least different, note, I’ve always wanted to have people (originally I was thinking of teenagers, but now think anyone) play with just retelling their truth by creating an alternative, if imagined, story. Preferably I imagine the absurd such as picturing my colleagues in my initial “they don’t want me” scenario actually answering a completely different question, seeing me as an alien, or being given a pro forma script where they were forced to say no. Elves and fairies or more serious notes describing some of the personal things they might be experiencing, such as illness, could also be in the mix.

A few years ago, I was part of a writing workshop led by Martha Beck. I don’t remember what the assignment and prompt was, but this poem was the product and worth sharing for the last three lines.

It Ain’t True, Darlin’

They’re only words within our head
Our thoughts are just opinion bred
Yours only tell me more of you
Or mine shows that my sight’s askew.

For scorn is just an itch that’s grown
So we won’t see the hurt we’ve sown
Or a belief we think will save
Us from a fault we really crave.

So if you truly seek to be
The one that in your heart you see
Let loose and sing with me this song
And laugh at life and dance along

Remember this is always true:

Your thoughts aren’t me
And mine aren’t you!

Have you questioned your thoughts? If you’re willing to share, I would love to hear from you.

_______________________-

Notes from the top. All images by Spirit Moxie:

Photo from the part of the volunteer gig that did work. “Dinosaur Wrangler”
Tree on the grounds of where I learned about The Work (Ojia, CA)
Screenshot of Rising Strong cover on our Kindle – an Amazon Spirit Moxie link

A friend has actually set “It’ Ain’t True Darlin'” to music as “Word Dance.” When there’s a working recorded version, we’ll share!

Breadcrumbs

Posted on June 27, 2022 by B

Yes, breadcrumbs. How do you know you’re on the right path? How do you get back? Plus what do you do if something eats these markers that you so carefully placed or someone left or drags them to one side?

One of my challenges as I seek to live in the present is that occasionally even I feel impatient. It’s all very well to have a history of relationships, books read and written, three months in Thailand, and a dramatic move to Portland by living in a place of doing without doing. But sometimes I just want a guarantee of results. I want them now! Or at least a promise that now will happen soon.

That’s where the breadcrumbs come in.

Oh, I could make a long to-do list. I could get myself tired with trivia. I could start a new exercise regime, attend more classes, and get a part-time job. Hustle! That’s the word. If I hustle, I’ll be able to see that I’m getting somewhere.

But I’m pretty sure that in the long run it won’t be somewhere that I want to go. I’ve done that before and while I do believe that everything we do is important and gets used, my experience certainly hasn’t followed any kind of a straight line to those books I want to read and write and places I want to live.

Plus, the dramatic fall and bout with cancer that prompted this “just being” life both said, “Ah, excuse me, B, but this body is saying hustling is not for you.” It was a pretty strong message. But sometimes, it’s so easy to forget.

This is why, if your version of doing only what is given to you to do right now, which is my shorthand phrase for living like this, has you feeling a bit anxious, I recommend looking for breadcrumbs. These are tiny hints that the Universe (whatever you call it) is paying attention to your true self, whoever that is.

For me breadcrumbs become most clearly visible in conversations. The guy at the bar who was in Portland for work, just needed to talk, and decided I should meet him for breakfast the next morning at the “best breakfast on the island” place I mentioned. I was willing to be stood up, but he was there, paid for my breakfast, and afterwards headed to the airport and home. He was not destined to be the new love my life. I was under no illusions that he would be. But I saw a breadcrumb indicating that, yes, a relationship is out there.

I’ve been missing music and, to some degree, having difficulty finding new communities. A 21 year old at another bar (a good place to sit when solo) told me where to go for jazz. I haven’t been there yet, but last Sunday I found myself at a fabulous jazz mass and in connection with two people I knew in Cincinnati, one of whom I had no clue lived in Portland.

And so it goes. Reminders of connections. Gifts for new adventures such as the visitor from Alabama who somehow enhanced my relationship with Portland’s food trucks — even though I safely ate a burger, with guacamole and jalapeños on it, and salad at yet another bar. (I do go other places, but bars have just been successful connection spots!)

There are also breadcrumbs that are not related to conversation, like the bag of dark chocolate with almonds completely in the wrong place at Costco. But it was where I would find it as the perfect treat so I would have something sweet in the house. It’s the dog I’m watching sleeping partly on my foot as I type this.

Another thing about breadcrumbs: usually we are impatient about the wrong things. Sometimes the direction is unexpected. From a place of presence, one can go anywhere and anything is possible.

It is finding myself writing this when there are other projects I, perhaps, “should,” by conventional standards, be working on. But apparently what I actually should be doing now is writing this. This writing is what this moment wants to encompass. Not really a doing. Just a happening or an “is.” “Not doing” isn’t sitting still, unless of course it is.

One needs the reminder of breadcrumbs to realize that some will be laid down and disappear – or otherwise not be visible. You just have to trust that they’re there. And if “nothing” is the answer when you ask “what should I be doing right now?” enjoy it. This shirt feels pretty good. The view is beautiful. Everything now is well.

_________________________

All photos by Spirit Moxie. From the top

Breadcrumbs
The Theodicy Jazz Collective and the organ at Trinity Episcopal Cathedral (Portland, Oregon, USA)
Often a dog moves from sitting on your foot onto your lap

Believe in Magic

Posted on May 4, 2022 by B

“Magic?” We had just finished one of Spirit Moxie’s Corner of Calm* sessions and, when someone asked how it had gone, I replied that it was “magical.” During the session, I’d experienced deep connection while watching others embrace calm. It even contributed to healing for someone thousands of miles away. Through a technology that sometimes seems like it could happen only in science fiction, a real a sense of connection is possible.

But at least one person who had been at the session and heard the comment said, “Magical? How?” The idea of magic made no sense to her at all.

What is magic? And why in the world should believing in it make a difference?
When I looked at the idea of magic, I wondered how it differed from manifestation and miracles. Clearly, they are all intertwined because in all three concrete things happen outside of our usual experience. When I posted the question on Facebook, one person flippantly responded, “Well, they all begin with M.”

But generally most agreed that the three were not the same, although there was no consensus on definition. Memory also has me exploring the definitions for these words while journaling, but apparently it was just memory and not something I did. So, in a new attempt, I’m offering this:

Manifestation is a response to a concrete wish or desire. Sometimes it is a deliberate long term longing coming true — like my moving to the West Coast. Sometimes it is something incidental — like my winding up in a Zoom room with someone I had been hoping to meet or your finding that unlikely perfect parking spot.

A miracle is a desired result that’s “impossible.” Healings — and there are many documented — are the classic examples. The cancer that’s completely gone before any treatment or the person who should never have been able to walk again strolling through the door. When catastrophe strikes, it’s a miracle when a child is found unharmed in the burned or otherwise destroyed building.

But magic? I think magic is when something happens that is unsought, unlikely, and unexpected (although welcome). Plus “good” magic always has a hint of wonder or delight to it. (In stories, magic can also be evil. But not the magic we’re considering in this Conversation.) Magic could be the sleight of hand in a magic show or my surprised feelings when connecting for Corner of Calm. But it is even more evident when you find something you didn’t know you were looking for until it appeared. Often, it’s hard to pin down.

In searching for an example, I remembered the Valentine’s Day night when I was wandering around solo, and I stopped by a local bar. There I was told to go to the performance hall where the end of a concert was going on, and the jazz group performing closed their show with Herbie Hancock’s Watermelon Man, which was my deceased partner’s and my theme song. I’d never heard anyone play Watermelon Man without it being requested. As a bonus the bar owner, who I thought was busy doing closing stuff, suddenly appeared to dance to it with me. Pure magic all around on Valentine’s Day!

That may be the main point of magic. To believe in magic opens you to another dimension of experience and possibility. And experience and possibility are at the heart of changing the world. In movies and games, magic is often a portal to something unimaginable. In life, believing magic be possible makes it possible to believe in and see the unimaginable.

Even the words “magic” and “magical” are fun and intriguing. They make us smile. Maybe magic is just how you look at things. Maybe believing in magic allows magic to happen.

Often it is the unbelievable and the impossible that lead to innovation, change, possibility, and a true difference to appear. Or so I believe and have seen.

Are you open to magic? Where have you found it?

________________________
From the top:

Great Basin National Park — National Park Service
*Corner of Calm — a half hour sitting in calm and silence – YouTube sample

Intertwined

Posted on September 6, 2021 by B

How does your life fit together? Are work, family, and friends in separate silos, a triangle you try to adjust to fit your week? Or do they somehow integrate into a whole so that social and work commitments merge, and perhaps the piece that gets neglected is you? Or maybe it all balances, a perfect helix or multiple strands of a helix that is somehow one thing.

As some of you know, my life doesn’t go in straight lines. For example, I’ve lived in unconventional locations and still wander almost anywhere I’m invited and randomly engage with the unexpected interests of friends.

Spirit Moxie emerged from my claiming myself as a writer even though the vision of Spirit Moxie is of things we can do together to change the world. That seems to me to be fairly clear. In my search for self (who I am as opposed to who everyone else wants me to be), I learned that wisdom found in our bodies knows the answers to who we really are. So, I started listening to my body, a process that got bludgeoned into me through a mild concussion and an easily treated form of leukemia (but, still, I was sick enough to scare my doctors). From those two events I realized that I was called to a place of presence that moved from presence to “just being.” And, yes, I wrote about it all.

But what does “just being,” besides as a Conversation topic, have to do with Spirit Moxie? What does that have to do with “changing the world?”

The question also is, “what have I learned about just being as well as where, if anywhere, does it become part of how together we change the world?” I feel like I’m being repetitious. But this conundrum has been haunting me.

Well, the book (Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference), which was partly written to explain Spirit Moxie, is on reflection, an invitation to community and, by extension, presence. We can’t create change together, for instance, without truly listening to each other, refraining from littering (imposing) emotions and ideologies as well as things, and keeping our word which are three of the ten “ways” expanded in the book. Moxie Moves was possible only through multiple contributions that happened, so it seemed to me, because those helping produce the book also believed we could create change together. All of this is a witness to presence — theirs with me and mine with them.

“Just being” is a place of claiming “now.” There is a stillness. And while it is a very interesting and beautiful space, there isn’t a lot of deliberate action. It’s a place where there is almost always ease and, for me, appreciation and curiosity. But why would anyone want that? And, again, what does it have to do with Spirit Moxie?

I talk about “just being” as a place of not doing. But from that place of not deliberately doing, this Conversation is getting written, Moxie Moves was published, and I got to live in Thailand for a few months. I’ve been calm during COVID and created a way to help others claim calm, which, is called Corner of Calm. As I write this, Corner of Calm has been “going” for half a year. I finally have an opportunity to do some dog training (a forgotten bucket list item). And there is a new vanity poetry book coming out “soon,” also through a community of friends. This is a partial list from the past two years of concrete “things” that happened without deliberately doing, almost all of which involved community. I realized that having things happen without hard work , living through the past two years in calm, and effortlessly engaging with new communities, may indeed be useful to others.

I’m pretty sure this place of being is something one can learn. I see it as a place of empowered productivity through calm, ease, and purpose. Purpose for Spirit Moxie and how you are in the world. Calm and ease through presence. Sounds like “being” may indeed be integral to the whole Spirit Moxie picture. Presence may mean that people would have to change their relationship to time. They would need to be openminded. They would sometimes be wrong. They would, in the process, embrace their own integrity. And thereby learn to “be.” All of which are, again, integral to our change the world premise. I get giddy thinking about it.

How do you see this inter-relationship relate to you? And as I asked at the beginning, how do various aspects of your life intertwine? How do they fit together? Does your life make you happy? Are you happy with your life? Is there freedom in the separation of its parts? Or are the parts competing for time and attention? Do your pieces or strands interrelate and affect who we are as a collective? Does all of this fit with who and what you want to be for the world?
I would love to have time for a walk or a cup of coffee or both so we could talk. But comments work, too.

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I’ve been very privileged to share some of this Conversation around what Spirit Moxie is and who I am in a few podcasts this year. Here is a list with general notes about the podcasts. See if any sound engaging to you. They were all fun for me and all challenged me to think in new ways. All links are to Spotify unless otherwise noted.

More about me than I usually share elicited by JR’s passion for podcasts. WV UnCommon Place hosted by JR Sparrow

Book publishing – and addressing overwhelm – The Author’s Workshop – Francis Mbunya (only available as a Facebook live on his page)

A discussion of Spirit Moxie. The Stephen Ivey Show hosted by Stephen T. Ivey

An illuminating conversation that produced new challenges and ideas. Kirsty, who broadcasts from Scotland, always is thoughtful and highlights small businesses, poetry, and non-profits. She actually used one of my poems so the portion of the show related to Spirit Moxie begins at 14:12 minutes into the recording. The conversation focuses on the book Moxie Moves. Fancy a Blether? hosted by Kirsty Louise

My first podcast interview. SheBlurbs hosted by Brook Wright

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Photos from the top:

Moxie Moves on porch — Mary Barr Rhodes
“Sit!” — Spirit Moxie
Tree (poetry book hint) — Spirit Moxie

Care for Your Body

Posted on February 1, 2021 by B

Last Wednesday I fell. I tripped in the same place I tripped a little over a year ago when I fractured my arm. This time, the damage was just an impressive set of scrapes on my face, hands, and knee. Often, I joke that my dependence on pockets, rather than carrying a purse, is “small boy syndrome.” I now look like small boy syndrome personified.

The immediate learning from this fall was, “B, you weren’t being present. So, we’ll remind you how important presence is.” But as I’ve been healing, I’ve had another thought. Care of our bodies is as central as presence is to how we affect the world.”Take Care of Your Body” is on the original list of “100 things that can change the world” (the set of “What if everyone…” ideas placed on index cards that began Spirit Moxie). Oh, we’ve written about parts of physical self-care: brush your teeth; wash your hands, etc. And I added “Sleep” to the contents of our book Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference. A segment called “Love Your Body” is both online at SpiritMoxie.com and in the book, but what I’m talking about in this post is a whole different challenge, albeit related. Care as central has been missing.

What does “take care of your body” mean? How does that contribute to changing the world? The most obvious reason might simply be that in order to change the world, in order to do any of the little things we talk about as Spirit Moxie, it is easier when you feel well. How do you do any of these things when you are ill, when your body hurts, or when you just feel non-functional? Think about it. We manifest as bodies, despite all the ego’s emphasis on mind and spirit. Which means our bodies are our built in responsibility. In fact, they are more our responsibility than is our obligation to others. (For those of you who just cringed and started thinking about your responsibility for children, for partners, for parents, or to your job, remember that when we care for ourselves, our care of others and our ability to get things done becomes easier and more effective. Really.)

The challenge then becomes knowing how “care for your body” manifests itself. I can’t answer that one for you. The Conversations listed above are pretty universal, but, as someone who can obnoxiously see both sides of almost anything, I know universals are sometimes dangerous. If you are diabetic, care of your body probably involves monitoring your blood sugar. But if you aren’t, that probably isn’t even something you think about. We talk about exercise, but that shows up completely differently for different people. There is the person training for a competitive athletic event, my friend’s 5-days-a-week workout challenge, and my personal hope for warmer weather so I can walk more regularly. Right now, care for my body involves putting antibiotic ointment and some stuff that should help prevent scarring on my skin at least twice a day. Before last week, I was using only some lotion and sunscreen.

Is what you are doing actually “care”? Well, pay attention. Before you get up in the morning, do a mental scan and see how your body feels. Ask (yes, really) what it needs. For instance, food. Your diet and mine are probably very different. We hear of everything from raw food or vegan to I’ll eat anything, preferably in moderation. The real question is how does what you are eating make you feel? Tired or energized?

Have you had a medical checkup lately? Even more importantly, have you found health practitioners who pay attention to what you know about your body and who are committed to your living your best self? (Yes, there really are doctors and other practitioners like that.)

This Conversation is mainly questions. Or maybe just one question. How do you take care of your body? The first step is to pay attention. The second is to do the care, knowing it empowers your ability to change the world.

What’s on your list? Share. Do it.

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All images are by Spirit Moxie – from the top

Skinned knee
Care checklist (for fun)

Book link is a Spirit Moxie affiliate link

Intention

Posted on February 6, 2020 by B

There are a few phrases, idioms, sayings that I hate, not only because I don’t like them, but because I think they’re destructive. “Everything happens for a reason.” “It was God’s will.” “We’re only given what we can handle.” I think these platitudes make us complacent, take away cause, and often remove our motivation. Let’s face it, sometimes things just happen.

Sidewalk Meanwhile, there are all the bits I’ve been saying here about listening to our bodies. These comments might sound the same. Specifically, I’ve been claiming that our bodies keep trying to get our attention as we live into our best selves. (I was going to say “true purpose,” but that sounds as if there is only one right path, which I don’t believe at all.)

This means that at some level, we already know who we are at our happiest, most joyful, and most effective—however that manifests for you. This knowledge is often not in our minds because the brain is wired to protect us. The brain does this by building on past experience. So, in a very simple example, if you survived being yelled at by retreating and if you have found comfort and security through eating, those actions will form your safe patterns when there might even be just a chance of loud noises occurring. You’ll retreat and reach for the ice cream.

On the other hand, our bodies somehow know that these responses come from our mind protecting us and that patterns such as retreating and compulsive eating keep us from being our best selves. As a result, I think our bodies often do things to intentionally get our attention. Sometimes it’s just a vague feeling one can learn to identify, but often (maybe because we keep refusing to listen), it’s more dramatic. For example, I think a fallI I had in 2015 and my odd leukemia in 2016 were instances of this. These experiences both led me to find my best life journey, one that focuses on learning to live in the now – or just being.

Author with arm in sling So is a fall always a sign? I don’t think it is necessarily. A couple of months ago (mid-December 2019,) I fell again while walking a friend’s dog. Somehow, I tripped on a rise in the sidewalk, knew I tripped, and fell in a way that I couldn’t stop myself. Sparing you the details of the next hours (and days), I finally learned I had fractured my right elbow and would be wearing a stylish black sling when I was out of the house. But throughout this experience I was, and still am, very sure it was just an accident. I fell simply because I wasn’t focused on where I was going. It was a painful and inconvenient, but effective way to force me to become more ambidextrous. It was a dramatic way to encourage me to continue to ask for help. So, while no cosmic mission (or my body trying to get my attention so I could see the mission) caused the fall, the path to my best self has certainly used it for my own growth. This continues: I just learned my physical therapist will help me improve my posture!

Small dog looking up Bottom line: sometimes stuff happens just because it happens. Sometimes things happen because there is something important that you are missing and need to learn about or pay attention to. This simply means learn to listen. Without blaming yourself or anyone else about what happens to you, how are you called to be your best self? What are you being told and why?

What are you learning in your daily stumbles? Have fun with the journey!

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Photo credits from the top:
Sidewalks for walking — Spirit Moxie
Author with arm in sling at Yosemite (detail, Christmas, 2019) — Prajak Sophondirekrat
Dog waiting for a walk — Spirit Moxie

Spirit Moxie

Little Things That Can Change the World

Tag Archives: Presence