Spirit

Posted on June 5, 2023 by B

“So, what do you mean when you say, ‘spirit’?” I’d come late to a MeetUp and, having grabbed a drink, unexpectedly found myself in an in-depth conversation about Spirit Moxie. I get asked about “moxie” all the time, but for me, in this religiously neutral crowd, this was a first. Not sure what I answered, but now realize truly answering feels important.

Sunset with trees “Spirit,” for me, is multi-faceted and ranges from the energy at a football game to serious conversations on theology. But perhaps the most basic place for the word and idea comes from the way people describe being human as “body, mind, and spirit.” Do you say this? If so, what does it mean to you? When one simply looks up the definition of “spirit,” or, to be precise, looks it up in the dictionary on my phone, the very first definition is “the principle of conscious life; the vital principle in humans, animating the body or mediating between body and soul.” Hmmm. So, in some way, our spirit is what makes us conscious of our humanity and of our existence.

On a theological note, you have probably heard of the Trinity as a way of describing God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Books have been written about this and debates have raged largely resulting in all kind of confusion.

Rocks, sky, scrub tree What I want to suggest here is a perspective I’m pretty sure I didn’t come up with on my own, but I can’t trace it to a source. Simply put, how humans talk about God and the energy that image embodies changes about every 2,000 years. We have the time of the Old Testament or BCE (Before the Common Era) which describes god in a fairly hierarchical way (the Father). Then comes the more personal connection personified in the figure of Jesus that has affected a good portion of the world, whatever your religious beliefs are, during the past 2,000 years or so. It is reflected in Western calendar dating and has been the root cause of multiple wars and atrocities. This pattern now has us entering a new 2000 years as the time of the Spirit. Because all transitions are gradual (and often violent) you can see this in things such as “The Age of Aquarius,” which gained popularity through the musical Hair in the 1960s (although what is really trippy is that we are apparently entering that age now if you believe Google and Wikipedia).

Sunset, winter sky We can see truth in this idea of our being in a time of the Spirit as we listen to some of the current spiritually based (there’s that darn word “spirit’ again) coaches and writers. One example is Martha Beck’s work, particularly in her novel Diana, Herself and in her training of “Wayfarers,” i.e., people seeking to navigate wild times with their own wild self and who feel a call to serve others in their confusion and fear. We see this in the work of Eckhart Tolle as he talks about being present and alive. And we see this in how people are connecting around conversations about shared energy, making a difference, and claiming hope despite environmental and political stresses. When you are with a thoughtful group of people, listen to the conversations related to personal growth or other kinds of energy. They are glimpses of the Spirit at work.

We see this movement in Spirit Moxie as we continue, since 2013, to claim hope, embrace what we value as ourselves, and explore how this celebrates the connections among us.

Confused? Most of what you see depends on what you are looking for. So where might you see Spirit, however defined, working now?

___________________________
All photos by Teresa O’Bryant
From the top:
Sunset
Wolf Creek Valley Overlook
Winter Sky

Be Kind to Animals

Image

I’ve had puppies. But what I remember is huge yards or being in places where one could, with integrity, since it was the accepted norm, chain them outside. Plus our newest, as yet unhousebroken, household member is really not mine, a fact he embraces when his owner is home.

Dog on lap with copy of book When I looked at Spirit Moxie’s “How to Change the World” working list to pick our next Conversation, “Be Kind to Animals” stopped me. It seemed so obvious. Plus 2022 appeared as a year for animals latching onto me when their owners weren’t there. And sometimes when they were. It was a new super power or perhaps one I just hadn’t named or noticed. After all, during the COVID lockdown, the household I was part of joked about my career as a dog bed. And it was a dog-watching gig that kept me in Portland long enough to find my current living space.

Dachshund So how does this relate to changing the world? I’m guessing those who are cruel to animals aren’t reading this. But I think talking about being kind to animals is important because, as with most things, I’m guessing even the best of us sometimes gets it wrong. In fact, I doubt if we could even agree on what wrong is. Yes, it seems obvious when domesticated animals aren’t treated properly. We hear of animals rescued from conditions of squalor. We read about them having terrible health conditions.

And there are multiple other situations that seem clear to many. Some of you reading this are vegan or vegetarian. While health is probably one reason for eating this way, many name a concern for animals and worry about the resources that deplete the earth as we raise them. I’m deliberately not going there. While our inter-relationship with the natural world in general is inclusive, and certainly involves depleting resources, I’m focusing here on our relationship to other creatures because for many of us, these interactions feel more personal.

When is the last time you interacted with an animal that doesn’t live in your house or the neighbor’s or a friend’s? It could be domesticated, but what about a squirrel? Yesterday I watched one deliberately tease the dog to make the dog chase it! Or what about that goose that has no business in a car-centric world acting like it owns the parking lot? Do you watch it? Say, “Hi!”? Notice. Have you ever seen that particular stray cat before? Is that coyote watching you aggressive or just curious? Have you ever even seen an elk or a moose? Noticed the sun on a dragonfly’s wings? What kind of bee is that in that flower? And yes, you can talk to those too!

Small fluffy dog looking up All these matter because even if, or perhaps particularly if, you live in a city, our relationship to animals reminds us of an integral part of our own humanity. We, too, are animals. And claiming that is true can inspire us to do other accountable things that help the world. Little things like not using plastic straws, or maybe any straws, and being concerned about the rings used to connect packs of cans because both are known to kill sea life. An action such as that leads to other little things that change the world such as general recycling and basic composting — two ways to dispose of waste that both help the environment and support all the creatures with whom we share the world. It’s realizing the effects of unintentional and blatant instances of pollution, such as the oil spill that might have been prevented or simply checking the emissions on your car. The list goes on. But what that greeting to a goose or the reassurance to a certain small dog that his mistress really will come home tells us is that we’re in the world together. We aren’t human in isolation.

So be kind to animals. Recognize all these related actions as key to making a difference. And know that animals give us integral ways to getting support in your own difference making.

_____________________________

Photos from the top:

Original career as dog bed – Spirit Moxie
(We liked this photo of the dog, but here’s the book link too)
Pet sitting in Portland – Spirit Moxie
A certain small dog – Suzanne Kustusch

Foundations

Posted on January 4, 2023 by B

Welcome to 2023!

Those who have read my previous posts for a new year have been invited to dream, choose a word or phrase to guide us, and otherwise embrace the year we’re entering (even 2021 with all its uncertainty). I still believe that all these activities are useful, empowering, and, often, engaging. But now that this new year has begun, let’s pause once more and claim the best for it slightly differently.

This year, I sense that there is more power in beginning with a three-part template. First, truly claim the power of gratitude. Second, dare to stand firmly as who you are rather than in some idealistic version you’ll magically become by next December. Finally, yes, restate and re-envision your dreams — and connect them to gratitude.

Picture of puzzle OK, but how does this really work in practice? Begin with, “What am I grateful for that occurred in 2022?.” What brought delight? Did you catch glimpses of joy? Then share those experiences! If you’re stuck, just naming that you made it to a new year is a great beginning. I’ve met new friends. I am actually cooking again fairly regularly. A health scare was easily resolved thanks to my community and great doctors. And I could go on: the demand that Corner of Calm continue; finishing a puzzle before I left from my Christmas visit to family.

You may have had some terrible, terrible things happen during the past year. Acknowledge that. Then look for tiny things to give thanks for if you can’t find big ones. This isn’t a Pollyanna-ish exercise. Set a timer for five minutes, get as still as you can, and write down whatever gratitude you see. Share one or two in the comments (sharing gives gratitude power). Post on Facebook. Send me an email. Knowing there was good in 2022, however hard or easy it is to find it, lays a base. It’s the difference between, “Prove yourself stupid time marker!” vs “I can see glimpses of what can be good in a year! Interesting.”

The second piece of our New Year’s claiming is you. Yes, You! One of the phrases I heard a lot last year was the deceptively simple statement, “You are enough.” If you really want to mess with what we believe, we can add in my claim that you’re perfect. What? I know both of those statements anger our critical minds, but reread what I wrote about “perfect” before you get all defensive. Neither of these statements means we can’t and won’t change. What happens is that we become even more who we are. I really do know you are awesome and it is crucial to a wonderful new year that you see it, too.

Dog on lap Here are a couple of exercises that can help. For me they involve writing, but a conversation with a really good friend or an activity that involves some other means of expression (drawing? making up a song? going on a thoughtful walk?) works, too. Name 5 to 10 of your gifts. I would guess that a couple of them even got stronger last year. I, for example, have bonded more with animals. None of these gifts have to be huge (although I would bet some are). “Calm during COVID” is still one of mine. If you really can’t think of anything, it might be useful to start keeping a list of compliments. I’m not sure from whom I got that exercise, but I have a place to write down “chill” when that was applied to me. Just the word. Some of you may have more physical things to name as gifts, although I would hope most of those (“my business took off”) were in your gratitude list.

It is from this place of naming who you are, even if others don’t always see it, that we bring strength to the third part. Dream and vision. Plan if you must (as someone not linear, I truly forget that often you are), but don’t set those plans in stone. What we want are destinations and some eagerness to take steps towards them. But it isn’t the steps we are naming here. It isn’t “I’m losing weight.” Or even a particular weight number. But to be able to say, “I’m truly happy with my body.” Not, “I’ll be debt free,” but “I live in true abundance.” Not even, “I want better experiences,’ but “I know delight.” Name the end, not the means. As Mike Dooley says, you set your GPS and then move. If we head the wrong way with a GPS, we are redirected.

Finally, as part of this visioning, give thanks for your dreams right now. I give thanks for my body. I delight in what I have and do. I know joy. Fuel. A stillness and foundation full of momentum. Paradox.

Gruet champagne bottle I’m not sure what images work for you as you enter this new year, but I know that you can only embrace them as yourself. And yourself is fabulous. Right now. I see that. Plus, remember that the groundwork from last year supports the vision for this one.

I toasted my new year with champagne bubbles and, today, I might do it again with herb tea. You?

Welcome to 2023!

___________________________
All photos by Spirit Moxie. From the top:

Puzzle finished over Christmas
Dog on my lap
New Year’s bubbles

Masquerade

Posted on November 11, 2022 by B

One of my favorite things is seeing something and am I’m certain I know what it is, but then having it turn out to be something completely different than what I thought. The insect that looks like a leaf is the classic. Or the leaf that looks like almost anything else: a small animal; a dog turd; a hole. Recently I saw a rock that looked like a hiding cat (actually frustrating because I was looking for the cat), a bird that looked like a valve on a pipe (or maybe vice versa), and a leaf that looked like a piece of food thrown on the ground.

Plus all this occurred at the time of year when people dress up. Usually “masquerade” is associated with Mardi Gras, but isn’t that also what we do for Halloween? Or in those Santa Claus beer crawls? You get to be that zombie fairy vampire* or the Ninja representative of death or a random dude in need of a costume. For weeks online and in random bars, you hear, “What are you going to be?” Parents ask their children. Adults ask their friends.

When I was juggling parenting, working, and other roles that came with “being human” in my 20s, I talked about “playing.” So, at the teacher/parent meeting, I’d play parent. At a spouse’s work event, I’d play spouse, etc. It didn’t mean, as members of a counseling group I attended thought, that I wasn’t always a mom and a spouse. It just meant, to me at the time, that I put on that role in a deliberate way for the occasion. My counseling buddies would have not have appreciated the fact that the word “person” comes from a Latin word that includes “mask” in its definition. Masks are integral who we are.

But what does this have to do with being present or changing the world, which I think are the two main reasons you’re reading this? That and curiosity. The point I’m emphasizing here is that you can’t truly masquerade as someone else unless you know who you really are. I’m sharing a Halloween picture of me last year with my granddaughter. I wanted to go trick or treating with her and family norms demanded a costume. I did not want to spend a lot on a costume, so, as shown in this picture, I’m a rumpled man (never could get a great name for the costume), who knows she’s a grandparent, cheapskate, parent (my son was along too), and tourist (in a new part, for me, of San Francisco). I was a lot of other things too. A user of public transit by choice and not default. Present to the energy and moods of an eight-year-old. Not interested in candy much personally. Grateful when people appreciated that I too was in costume. Amenable to any plans. Maybe these are surface traits, but my awareness of them allowed the afternoon/early evening to unfold smoothly and enjoyably.

One of the best challenges I’ve read recently is to list what you’re good at. Not what needs to be fixed. So what are those traits? Do you use them, in a positive way, as masks integral to you as a person or do you hide those traits or lurk behind them?

Who are you? What do you love about yourself? And what masks do you put on — physically, mentally, or emotionally just for fun? Do these masks add or expand that self? Claim and play!

__________________________________

From the top:

Praying Mantis — Sid Mosdell

*Street Poem that helped inspire this post by Sam Bones/streetpoetsam of Inspired Type

Zombie Fairies

They are very friendly, actually
Flitting here and there
From tree to tree and flower to flower
And they are especially attracted
to little girls in pink that play piano

They don’t leave a trail of blood, tho’
The only way you know you’re bitten
Is by the trail of glitter on the side of your neck.
(see image for proper formatting)

Trick or Treaters — Spirit Moxie

Questioning Thoughts

Posted on August 30, 2022 by B

Or “It Ain’t True, Darlin’ ”

It shouldn’t have bothered me. My excuse is that I was tired and stressed and helping with that particular project was one of the things I’d enjoyed the most about this volunteer gig. So when, for maybe the third time, I was told I wasn’t needed to help anymore, I decided I was being dismissed because I was too slow, not as accurate as I thought, and so forth.

A bit later I laughed at myself. This was a classic example of letting other’s words get me down. In retrospect, I didn’t even know if their words were about me. Perhaps the whole project was already under control (it certainly worked in the end). Perhaps the organizers were feeling stressed and saying “no” made them feel more in control. Shoot – maybe I threatened them (that has happened, not sure why).

One of the hardest things to understand is that what we think about things isn’t actually real. It is just what our mind is saying about whatever the “fact” or event is. Our minds process what’s happening so we can make sense of it and to keep us safe. My default response to what I hear as negative comments is an explanation of why I’m inadequate. Inadequacy is my default safe place. While that sounds negative, think about it. For me, even though I think I’d like to be seen as fabulous, I’ve never been physically harmed when I’ve felt inadequate.

Perhaps your default is to be right or self-righteous. Whatever your default response, it is a feeling that helps you feel comfortable. It feels safe and familiar, even if part of you wishes you reacted differently. For me feeling inadequate may not be pleasant, but it is a familiar place that has kept me out of trouble and helped me fit in for as long as I can remember.

Another default response for some people can seem like the opposite of this. Perhaps you push boundaries beyond any reasonable expectation. Danger reminds you that you’re alive. For you, it’s safer to place yourself in situations where life seems disposable—on your own terms.

Maybe anything new is simply seen as “dangerous.” And so welcomed. Or, as a classic defense, something to be rejected.

None of these responses are bad or wrong or unusual. But learning to see thoughts as thoughts, with no intrinsic reality, can be very freeing. When I can notice the “inadequate” conversation, I’m free to question it and change it to showing me as competent, interesting, and curious. To hear alternative versions of things we are sure we absolutely know are true helps us see that, just maybe, we can look at that truth a bit differently.

There are several tools and reflections available to explore this. Perhaps one of the best known is The Work from Byron Katie. What she does is so simple that some find it threatening, feel manipulated, and dismiss her. Basically, what she says is that if thoughts are causing you pain, question them. Whatever truth there is in what happened, in this minute you have choices on how you look at those thoughts and, by extension, the events you’re thinking about. Here is the link to what she calls The Work, which is based on four questions:
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know it’s true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without that thought?

The answers to these questions are followed by simple, non-judgmental curiosity about “turnarounds” where you consider what may be true when you reverse the thought.

More recently, I finally read Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong: how the ability to reset transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. This book was a gift I received from someone over seven years ago that initially I resisted reading. (My mind had these thoughts that for me the book wasn’t useful.). This book also helps us look at how we relate to our thoughts – plus how we form thoughts and can change them. Brown looks at this challenge from a more experiential direction than Katie. Brown’s discussion includes exploring our default responses.

On a lighter, or at least different, note, I’ve always wanted to have people (originally I was thinking of teenagers, but now think anyone) play with just retelling their truth by creating an alternative, if imagined, story. Preferably I imagine the absurd such as picturing my colleagues in my initial “they don’t want me” scenario actually answering a completely different question, seeing me as an alien, or being given a pro forma script where they were forced to say no. Elves and fairies or more serious notes describing some of the personal things they might be experiencing, such as illness, could also be in the mix.

A few years ago, I was part of a writing workshop led by Martha Beck. I don’t remember what the assignment and prompt was, but this poem was the product and worth sharing for the last three lines.

It Ain’t True, Darlin’

They’re only words within our head
Our thoughts are just opinion bred
Yours only tell me more of you
Or mine shows that my sight’s askew.

For scorn is just an itch that’s grown
So we won’t see the hurt we’ve sown
Or a belief we think will save
Us from a fault we really crave.

So if you truly seek to be
The one that in your heart you see
Let loose and sing with me this song
And laugh at life and dance along

Remember this is always true:

Your thoughts aren’t me
And mine aren’t you!

Have you questioned your thoughts? If you’re willing to share, I would love to hear from you.

_______________________-

Notes from the top. All images by Spirit Moxie:

Photo from the part of the volunteer gig that did work. “Dinosaur Wrangler”
Tree on the grounds of where I learned about The Work (Ojia, CA)
Screenshot of Rising Strong cover on our Kindle – an Amazon Spirit Moxie link

A friend has actually set “It’ Ain’t True Darlin'” to music as “Word Dance.” When there’s a working recorded version, we’ll share!

Breadcrumbs

Posted on June 27, 2022 by B

Yes, breadcrumbs. How do you know you’re on the right path? How do you get back? Plus what do you do if something eats these markers that you so carefully placed or someone left or drags them to one side?

One of my challenges as I seek to live in the present is that occasionally even I feel impatient. It’s all very well to have a history of relationships, books read and written, three months in Thailand, and a dramatic move to Portland by living in a place of doing without doing. But sometimes I just want a guarantee of results. I want them now! Or at least a promise that now will happen soon.

That’s where the breadcrumbs come in.

Oh, I could make a long to-do list. I could get myself tired with trivia. I could start a new exercise regime, attend more classes, and get a part-time job. Hustle! That’s the word. If I hustle, I’ll be able to see that I’m getting somewhere.

But I’m pretty sure that in the long run it won’t be somewhere that I want to go. I’ve done that before and while I do believe that everything we do is important and gets used, my experience certainly hasn’t followed any kind of a straight line to those books I want to read and write and places I want to live.

Plus, the dramatic fall and bout with cancer that prompted this “just being” life both said, “Ah, excuse me, B, but this body is saying hustling is not for you.” It was a pretty strong message. But sometimes, it’s so easy to forget.

This is why, if your version of doing only what is given to you to do right now, which is my shorthand phrase for living like this, has you feeling a bit anxious, I recommend looking for breadcrumbs. These are tiny hints that the Universe (whatever you call it) is paying attention to your true self, whoever that is.

For me breadcrumbs become most clearly visible in conversations. The guy at the bar who was in Portland for work, just needed to talk, and decided I should meet him for breakfast the next morning at the “best breakfast on the island” place I mentioned. I was willing to be stood up, but he was there, paid for my breakfast, and afterwards headed to the airport and home. He was not destined to be the new love my life. I was under no illusions that he would be. But I saw a breadcrumb indicating that, yes, a relationship is out there.

I’ve been missing music and, to some degree, having difficulty finding new communities. A 21 year old at another bar (a good place to sit when solo) told me where to go for jazz. I haven’t been there yet, but last Sunday I found myself at a fabulous jazz mass and in connection with two people I knew in Cincinnati, one of whom I had no clue lived in Portland.

And so it goes. Reminders of connections. Gifts for new adventures such as the visitor from Alabama who somehow enhanced my relationship with Portland’s food trucks — even though I safely ate a burger, with guacamole and jalapeños on it, and salad at yet another bar. (I do go other places, but bars have just been successful connection spots!)

There are also breadcrumbs that are not related to conversation, like the bag of dark chocolate with almonds completely in the wrong place at Costco. But it was where I would find it as the perfect treat so I would have something sweet in the house. It’s the dog I’m watching sleeping partly on my foot as I type this.

Another thing about breadcrumbs: usually we are impatient about the wrong things. Sometimes the direction is unexpected. From a place of presence, one can go anywhere and anything is possible.

It is finding myself writing this when there are other projects I, perhaps, “should,” by conventional standards, be working on. But apparently what I actually should be doing now is writing this. This writing is what this moment wants to encompass. Not really a doing. Just a happening or an “is.” “Not doing” isn’t sitting still, unless of course it is.

One needs the reminder of breadcrumbs to realize that some will be laid down and disappear – or otherwise not be visible. You just have to trust that they’re there. And if “nothing” is the answer when you ask “what should I be doing right now?” enjoy it. This shirt feels pretty good. The view is beautiful. Everything now is well.

_________________________

All photos by Spirit Moxie. From the top

Breadcrumbs
The Theodicy Jazz Collective and the organ at Trinity Episcopal Cathedral (Portland, Oregon, USA)
Often a dog moves from sitting on your foot onto your lap

Believe in Magic

Posted on May 4, 2022 by B

“Magic?” We had just finished one of Spirit Moxie’s Corner of Calm* sessions and, when someone asked how it had gone, I replied that it was “magical.” During the session, I’d experienced deep connection while watching others embrace calm. It even contributed to healing for someone thousands of miles away. Through a technology that sometimes seems like it could happen only in science fiction, a real a sense of connection is possible.

But at least one person who had been at the session and heard the comment said, “Magical? How?” The idea of magic made no sense to her at all.

What is magic? And why in the world should believing in it make a difference?
When I looked at the idea of magic, I wondered how it differed from manifestation and miracles. Clearly, they are all intertwined because in all three concrete things happen outside of our usual experience. When I posted the question on Facebook, one person flippantly responded, “Well, they all begin with M.”

But generally most agreed that the three were not the same, although there was no consensus on definition. Memory also has me exploring the definitions for these words while journaling, but apparently it was just memory and not something I did. So, in a new attempt, I’m offering this:

Manifestation is a response to a concrete wish or desire. Sometimes it is a deliberate long term longing coming true — like my moving to the West Coast. Sometimes it is something incidental — like my winding up in a Zoom room with someone I had been hoping to meet or your finding that unlikely perfect parking spot.

A miracle is a desired result that’s “impossible.” Healings — and there are many documented — are the classic examples. The cancer that’s completely gone before any treatment or the person who should never have been able to walk again strolling through the door. When catastrophe strikes, it’s a miracle when a child is found unharmed in the burned or otherwise destroyed building.

But magic? I think magic is when something happens that is unsought, unlikely, and unexpected (although welcome). Plus “good” magic always has a hint of wonder or delight to it. (In stories, magic can also be evil. But not the magic we’re considering in this Conversation.) Magic could be the sleight of hand in a magic show or my surprised feelings when connecting for Corner of Calm. But it is even more evident when you find something you didn’t know you were looking for until it appeared. Often, it’s hard to pin down.

In searching for an example, I remembered the Valentine’s Day night when I was wandering around solo, and I stopped by a local bar. There I was told to go to the performance hall where the end of a concert was going on, and the jazz group performing closed their show with Herbie Hancock’s Watermelon Man, which was my deceased partner’s and my theme song. I’d never heard anyone play Watermelon Man without it being requested. As a bonus the bar owner, who I thought was busy doing closing stuff, suddenly appeared to dance to it with me. Pure magic all around on Valentine’s Day!

That may be the main point of magic. To believe in magic opens you to another dimension of experience and possibility. And experience and possibility are at the heart of changing the world. In movies and games, magic is often a portal to something unimaginable. In life, believing magic be possible makes it possible to believe in and see the unimaginable.

Even the words “magic” and “magical” are fun and intriguing. They make us smile. Maybe magic is just how you look at things. Maybe believing in magic allows magic to happen.

Often it is the unbelievable and the impossible that lead to innovation, change, possibility, and a true difference to appear. Or so I believe and have seen.

Are you open to magic? Where have you found it?

________________________
From the top:

Great Basin National Park — National Park Service
*Corner of Calm — a half hour sitting in calm and silence – YouTube sample

Return Shopping Carts

Posted on March 27, 2022 by B

A lot of the things we talk about as “little things that can change the world” is head stuff: “Be Willing to Be Wrong;” “Don’t Take Things Personally.” But remember, when we began looking at these Spirit Moxie Conversations about “little things,” we emphasized physical action. Our first “little thing” post was “Use Revolving Doors”! Really. It is what we do, as well as who and how we are, that makes a huge difference.

I’m suspicious that maybe returning shopping carts at the grocery store and, now, at many big chain stores is a particularly United States problem. People rushing out of a store with a week or month’s worth of stuff, packing it into their SUV, and driving off after just pushing their shopping carts toward the end of their parking spaces is a scene from US suburbia.

OK, so you don’t do that. But why is “return shopping carts” such an important little thing to do?

Loose shopping carts cause accidents. Some literally run away and crash into cars. They have hit people. Loose shopping carts create more work for store associates, but note they do not create more jobs. There are still people who come outside and bring these carts into the store when they are safely in their corrals.

Just because you are using a shopping cart is not an excuse to take it home. Over a million shopping carts are stolen every year. You see them on the street, in apartment complexes, and in yards. It costs a store between $100 to $400 to replace one. This averages out to an extra $10,000 a year or so reducing your favorite store’s bottom line. Those costs are passed along to you and everyone else that shops there. (Stats compliments of Google.)

As an example consider Aldi a Germany-based grocery store chain popular as a no-frills alternative in the United States. At these stores, customers pay a quarter (US$.25) to use a cart and then get the quarter back when the cart is returned. This helps the returning part but doesn’t decrease theft. Some people think that the quarter gives them the right to keep a couple hundred dollars’ worth of equipment.

So, part of this post considers how our actions affect the economy vs our convenience. An earlier post asking for examples of such actions was famously sparse. We simply don’t think that way. Writing this Conversation suggests other ideas of positive ways to support the economy and environment to me, but I don’t want to have it all be about my ideas. I want your thoughts. Add a comment to this post. Or post in the Moxie Movers Facebook group. Or write your own post. Send it to me at info@spiritmoxie.com.

There’s a “shopping cart theory” that went viral. That theory says you can determine someone’s moral character by whether they return shopping carts. Yes, there are arguments about whether this is true. But I think it is true that returning shopping carts is “a little thing that can change the world.” Thoughts? What would you add?

__________________________

All photos are by Spirit Moxie

From the top:
Shopping carts at a corral at a Fred Meyer grocery store
Target carts left by a bus stop
A quarter or twenty-five cents

Don’t Take Things Personally

Posted on February 4, 2022 by B

Of all the little things that can change you and the world, this might indeed be number one. Personal here seems to almost always mean criticism, although when we’re lucky, it is instead validation. Either way, taking words and actions personally gets entwined in our thoughts and emotions.

It’s all very well to be told not to take things personally, but we’re completely wired to do just that. After all, to relate everything to ourselves is one of the keys to surviving. I, myself, am prone to seek approval about how I look and what I do and to think that such approval is essential to my well being. Perhaps it is. But when we look at this “don’t take things personally” statement, which I hear from many people I consider wise, I need to wonder whether I’m wrong. In other word, maybe other people’s reactions to me aren’t the best way to be validated.

Really, Sedgwick? How can this be true?

Let’s look at some big picture examples of people’s reactions to comments and actions. Often (I’m willing to allow it isn’t 100% true) when we personally react negatively to someone, that reaction is be a reflection of something we don’t like about ourselves. If I’m honest, there is always something, maybe a fear, that somehow I might do whatever that negative thing is. I might look frumpy, be inconsiderate, overreact, or ruin something for someone else, too. So doesn’t it follow that other’s reactions to us can be in some way a reflection of themselves? That means that what they say is really about them.

Of course our reaction to others does affect them, and their reactions affect us. We really are energetically wired to one another whether we want to be or not. This is basic brain science. Our brains are wired to keep us safe. How others react to us and to their environment affects our own area of safety.* So how can those interactions not be personal?

So, what’s going on when I tell strangers that I like their hair? Is their reaction about me or a reflection of them? Perhaps the person I’ve complimented just looks at me as if I have two heads. Or ignores me. Perhaps they smile. Their reaction isn’t the point. The point is, for our purposes here, that I noticed and liked something much more than how they received my compliment. The point is that I remembered to share something I appreciated with someone else. And so, when I get a compliment about me, that compliment is really about them, which doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it. Their words just aren’t, when I really pay attention, essential to my happiness or self image.

On the other side, what if I’m told by someone to keep my voice down? Am I too loud? The most useful response is that their comment is simply information. I can take their words as criticism and beat myself up about them, which doesn’t help anyone, or I can hear their words as simply something I need to pay attention to. Or not. Maybe I decide loud is appropriate right then. Their words are their reaction, not my action.

If you don’t like my shirt and I do or you don’t understand my writing and someone else loves it or no one loves it, but what I write makes sense to me, is that negative response criticism? Is the critique about me? Well, if I’m trying to communicate, their words are probably useful information. But words don’t have a value judgement component unless I give that value to them.

The truth is that people don’t think about us. Really. Or if they do think about us, their thoughts bolster their standards of how the world should show up; their expectations of how we should act and what we should look like. Again, look at your own obsessions about others actions or appearance.

I’m a mom who gets into critical mode about those I love. But really, all I can do is love them. Any change will or won’t happen through them. All I can do is be me. I can donate or volunteer for a cause, but the impact of those actions is nothing I can control. As I said yesterday (really), “I’ve learned the only person I can change is myself.” I can feel reassured that change is possible because I have changed. I’ve read my old journals, which is a little mind blowing, and, in my mind, proves that it must be possible for others to change as well. But change is in the other person’s court, so to speak. It won’t occur because of anything I do or say.

Two quotations that challenged me on this topic are:

“The way that other people judge me is none of my business.” – Martha Beck

“It’s not your job to like me, it’s mine.” – Byron Katie

A Google search on this idea provides books and multiple quotations, so I’m not sure where it originated, but if I’m honest, “what others think of me is none of my business” is freeing. Maybe frustrating. Certainly challenging. A work in progress.

So, play with not taking things personally. Can you see it as a little way to change the world? Can you explore it as a big way to change yours?

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Notes: *7 1/2 Lessons About the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett

Images from the top:
Cartoon from For Redemption Press One… by Bill Martin (Cincinnati: Forward Movement) – out of print
40 years of B’s Journals (some missing?) – Spirit Moxie
Quotation from Big Magic: creative living beyond fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

(All book links are Spirit Moxie’s links to Amazon . They don’t affect the cost of the books)

Moving into 2022

Posted on January 2, 2022 by B

When you realize 2022 is pronounced 2020, too.

After the drama, isolation, and challenges of 2021, I am seeing a lot of cartoons and memes questioning whether a new year is welcome or not. The year 2020 collapsed around us and, when we looked forward to 2021, the New Year didn’t embrace us with a clean slate, but rather held us in unease, isolation, and, for many, illness. When light finally flickered in the distance, it was inconsistent. And it still is.

But we will flip our calendars, and they will say “2022.” How do we step, or tip-toe, into the new year in a way that supports how we want to be and what we dream of doing? A new year is always a bit uncertain, but 2022 seems to be asserting that one can’t actually know anything.

Is this really true? As some of you are beginning to appreciate, I am currently called to a place of “just being” and “not doing.” This is perhaps not the best place from which to offer unsought advice about planning — although it does allow for dreaming. Indeed, in other years, my suggestion on entering the new year has been to name one’s dreams.

I’m still sure that resolutions are a recipe for New Year’s failure. As I sit here I find myself trying to remember what I really wanted for 2021 as I watch others explore their hopes for 2022.

So I just reread my introduction to 2021. There it is. My underlying place, dream, or feeling was for “expansiveness,” which sounds appropriately vague. However, in looking back through my posts my place of not doing, but rather simply being, has allowed my 2016 dream of moving to the West Coast to dramatically materialize. Plus, at least intellectually, the move relates to the yearning I wrote about in that 2021 introduction for Spirit Moxie to expand its influence. How will this continue to unfold? I don’t know yet.

For 2022, I have been honored to watch my friend Cindy wrestle with her plan for the new year. Unlike me, but perhaps like you, she likes lists, but knows if she is too specific in her list of goals they will run her rather than support her. Plus she has reminded me about claiming a word for the New Year. In 2016, I offered “dream” as a word – and while the dream’s mentioned didn’t all happen in that year, they pretty much have all happened since then. Cindy’s word for 2021 was “patience,” perhaps essential for many as we addressed or didn’t address COVID. For 2022, she is considering “balance” as her word. As an all or nothing kind of person, balance, for her sounds challenging, comforting, and supportive.

I’ve been living with the word “dream” for a long time. But this year, having given up concrete goals, my word is “curious.” I’m curious about how things are for you, what my new life will look like, what’s next for Sprit Moxie. I’m curious about my next breathe. I’m sprinkling this curiosity with “joy” and “delight,” words which offer me comfort and challenge as I continue to claim gratitude and positivity.* These are intentions rather than goals and feel supportive.

Take some time for yourself. What supports you? Lists? Dreams? Intentions? Plans? Goals? Responsibilities? A combination? Remember, this is something that nurtures you, not what you think you should be doing. What challenges and comforts you? What helps you feel freer? It will be different for you. Unique. Not Cindy’s or mine.

Now claim what you see. Give thanks for who and what you are. Know that 2022 is yours.

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*I’m including a link here to a very short video on ‘pronoia” that was the introduction to December 2021’s Corner of Calm. Pronoia is the belief everything is working in your favor.

Images from the top:

2022 Meme — adapted by Spirit Moxie
B’s new view of Mt. Hood, Oregon, USA — Spirit Moxie
Happy 2022 — Canva