Tech Support

Posted on May 6, 2021 by Sally B.

You’re on deadline: have five (ok, maybe more like 10) windows open on your computer; you’re using the calculator on your phone; and suddenly, everything freezes. Everything. The computer is even fighting being turned off.

“Stupid technology!” And after messing for 20 minutes with this computer key combination and that hack that doesn’t work, making a never-answered call to your software’s support team, and discovering the app you need now won’t even load on your phone, you turn on the TV, open a book, or go to bed. “@#!*#”

Last week, having discovered that a podcast I was on had gone live a week early, which meant posting the last Conversation post I shared while handling two other deadlines and exploring several good ideas demanding equal time, I finally went to send a link to the aforementioned Spirit Moxie post to my podcast host. The link that had worked beautifully all day now read, “this website does not exist, perhaps you misspelled it” — or something to that effect. For. My. Entire. Website. A tweet to my web provider Bluehost, whom I’ve seen responding on Twitter, yielded crickets, as they say. (Just for the record, they are usually wonderfully reliable and supportive.)

And then I remembered.

One of my tenets is that while disasters might happen, overall the universe supports you, things work in your favor, and my electronic devices have my best interests at heart. Really! “Right, B,” you’re saying. “That makes no sense at all.” But bear with me and look at those incidents from another angle. My electronics may be saying I need sleep. Or maybe exercise, food, or a break. Or to think about something before I actually share it. Almost always when I respect that whatever just isn’t going to work right now, that same something is fine a few hours later, the next day, or after I do what my mind and body needs to refresh or rethink. Somehow deadlines are still met. Clients and friends are still happy.

Because the universe has a sense of humor, just as I finished writing this, my friend Lynne casually updated her operating system right before a major client deadline. After three days of patiently dealing with unresponsive support people at Adobe, she finally found someone who agreed that her InDesign files, which wouldn’t open, were not corrupt (and so were sent to the client) and that yes, perhaps she did need to update her computer, something she knew, but didn’t want to be reminded about quite so dramatically. Everyone’s response to things is different, and I’m not at all sure she will think her tech supports her. But it might.

The point of this Conversation is to remind you to breathe, to be present. Now. What unlikely (to you) things in your life do support you if you let them? I could list some, but I’d like to hear where your mind and experience takes you. So, share in the comments.

And, yes, I did go to bed. Right before I turned off the light I checked www.spiritmoxie.com on my phone. It was fine.

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All photos by Spirit Moxie. From the top:

Computer working on Being Heard
Error message
B’s phone

Being Heard

Posted on March 8, 2021 by Sally B.

I’ve shared Spirit Moxie on the radio and on television – albeit just locally. But a few days ago I was privileged to share information about Spirit Moxie internationally as part of an inspiring podcast originating in Scotland. The conversation encompassed smiling, sleep, and listening, all topics in Moxie Moves. Then, in the middle of the listening piece, where I talk about actually hearing people, my host asked matter of factly, “Tell us why it’s important to be heard.”

Say, what?

There are many gifts that come with living in the present, but one way it manifests for me is that I seldom consider how something benefits me. When the host asked this question, I knew it was lovely to be heard. Psychologically, it helps one process angst, trauma, and grief. Plus personally I find being understood — so certainly heard — seductive, although others think this is threatening. So it is an individual case.

However this wasn’t how I was processing the question. What I was hearing from the interviewer was, why does “my” being heard matter to the collective whole? How does it change the world?

After a few days of mulling this over, I decided that my response is two-fold. First being heard matters to us as individuals. Not only are there complex psychological benefits such as those mentioned above, but the stronger and happier we are individually the better we can interact and the more we personally can make a difference. Being heard validates us and even if we believe the “I’m not good enough” fear within us, being heard without being judged is affirming and liberating. It is the place of knowing we have an impact, where we know know things do matter.

The second reason that being heard matters is a bit more complex: just the act of your being heard actually matters and changes, in a good way, the world. “Who, me?” you ask. Yes! Remember that there is no one like you. You are completely unique. You are also part of the global community, a piece of the whole. Your voice is distinctively yours, and if it isn’t heard the world loses something. In our extreme desire for individuality, being heard confirms that, yes, we are individuals, but like it or not we are part of something a lot larger: a quilt, a map, an expansion of the collective unconscious or, more dramatically in my experience, what is called zeitgeist (time spirit).

So when you listen, hear others. And when you are heard, be grateful. That action is also changing the world.

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Logo for Fancy a Blether Listen to the podcast here!

Photos from the top:

Hand holding microphone — Mark Stucker
Globe — Sarah Margree

It’s a New Year – ReSet!

Posted on January 3, 2021 by Sally B.

“May you live in interesting times.” For a lot of people, this curse of ambiguity and possible danger encompassed by the word “interesting” has certainly applied to 2020. Maybe you were bored to tears. Or, perhaps you were called or forced to work exponentially harder in increasingly unsafe conditions. Maybe great things happened; yes, that was possible.

One of the exercises we did in Spirit Moxie’s recent ReSet for the New Year retreat was to name a bit of gratitude for 2020, while remembering that “liking” and “being grateful” are not synonyms. If gratitude has disappeared for you, here is a link to our original post “Give Thanks.” It is only from this place that we can truly reset for 2021.

Ah, but then what? Every year there seems to be a new trend. Claim a word. Dream (which was Spirit Moxie’s a few years ago). Or whatever. They all work. This year the trend seems to be something along the lines of “who do you want to become?” or “in what direction are you and what you are about headed?”

There’s still a disagreement about giving up resolutions. You know, those lists of things we said we “should” that usually were ignored or forgotten before the end of January? On a related note for several years I had excellent results listing goals—if excellence means that I wrote them out and then looked at them a couple of times a year to see if any actually happened. I seem to remember things like “submit poems for publication” and then going back to my list and thinking, “Oh, I did that!” (or didn’t as the case may be).

Being human, we are wedded to things and results. So, for 2021 I’m inviting you to a use a combination of the above New Year’s responses. First, name the things you would really love to have this year or the results of your endeavours you would like to see. Now look underneath. What experience or feeling would that thing or result give you?

During our ReSet retreat, people ended up going from “getting out of the house” to being useful, from cars to adventure. Many participants named wanting to feel zest and joy again. And so, we took the first steps into the possibility of the new year.

When I look at this for myself, one concrete “thing” I want is to be debt free. I can go with this to what seems obvious: feeling abundance. Except I actually already feel this. So, I need to follow that thread of feeling and being a bit further. In the end, to my surprise, I am experiencing a deep yearning for a huge expansion in the impact that’s possible for Spirit Moxie. In other words, it would mean many people actually getting that what they do, and do together, can change the world. Underneath that vision. I have simply a general feeling of expansiveness without completely understanding what that might mean. Do I know how to get there? No. But naming and recognizing this feeling is today’s first step.

So maybe I’m ending once again with a dream. Where does going underneath your wishes and desires take you? Name it. Take a step. Share.

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If you want more inspiration here are the links to previous New Year Conversations:

Dream (2016)
And a year begins… (2017) into 2018
Welcome to the New Year (2019)
2020 (2020) -Find beauty. Explore. Share. (almost the whole post)

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Graphics and photos (from the top):

2020-21 Happy New Year —Vecteezy.com
Stack of Journals — Spirit Moxie
Grassy path at Voice of America MetroPark (paths always symbolize steps for us) — Spirit Moxie

Vocabulary

Posted on November 4, 2020 by Sally B.

Weed = something that isn’t where it belongs. Remember, there are people who cultivate dandelions for their greens (and maybe the flowers for wine?).

This is a Spirit Moxie definition (in Moxie Moves: 10 ways to make a powerful difference) that got me thinking about the use of words in general. But what really hooked me on the importance of vocabulary was when I started realizing the power of verbs and adverbs. Who do we say we are? How do we say we are?

Lately, for many, what we are has been in a battle against “bored, scared, and lonely.” If one of your words is “depressed,” honor it. It could very well be real information that should be addressed, although how to approach it is beyond the scope of this Conversation piece.

“Overwhelmed” is also a particular favorite. I’m not saying that any of these descriptions isn’t true. It is just that they are so common in our current world climate that if you are not claiming these emotions people think there’s something wrong with you. If your surroundings say you should be afraid, the fact that you are calm and at ease can be seen as a ruse and viewed with incredulity. Even people who are usually sensitive and insightful have told me I must feel stress; they were confused when I said I didn’t.

There are more insidious words that I think most of us use every day that contribute to the above feeling, such as: “I have to,” “I need to,” and “I should.” I have to do something about that. I need to go there or do that. I should….

Try eliminating those words from your vocabulary and see the difference it makes in your attitude and reactions. It’s hard. You may find yourself arguing with yourself. But honestly, there really isn’t anything we have to do. Seriously. Oh, there may be consequences if we don’t pay the bills, feed the family, or, in our house, walk the dogs. Going to work, either physically or virtually, is expected. Taxes are due. I think you should vote, but what I think really doesn’t count. And so forth.

These are the should and need scenarios that fill our life. So, try changing them. What do you want to do? I wanted to vote. I don’t always want to walk the dogs, but I do want them to be happy and healthy. I do want to keep my promises and contribute to the household where I live.

For there is how we keep promises. I have written about keeping your word. Our calendars hold schedules, appointments, etc. But I suggest that freedom comes in planning to do these things. And then seeing what happens. The perfect examples were the two airline tickets I had booked for trips in February and March 2020, both cancelled as COVID-19 spread through the world. Oh, you say, that’s different. But is it? What I had was a plan which is different from the event or thing itself. Now I have credit on Delta Airlines which I hope to use, but right now have no concrete plans to do so.

There is however one use of the word “should” I share all the time. So much for being consistent! It is one of my playing with time mantras. If I’m just being present (or just being), how do I get anything done? So often I ask, “What should I be doing now?” There’s that word “should.” But this is more of a check in with my mind and body. To what activity am I, as they say, leaning in? What, apparently, I should be doing now is typing, composing this Conversation. There’s a clue since I am doing it. It helps because I want to be doing it. So, it is a loose “should.” And sometimes I don’t do the “should” that answers that statement. (It really is comfortable on that couch.) Often, I’m already doing whatever. But at other times, it can be a nudge. “To where or to what am I being nudged” is a bit awkward, but can serve as a translation for “What should I be doing?” A nudge is much more inviting, less demanding.

A couple of days ago, I was asked to make sure someone was awake at a certain time. I had about two hours until then and wanted to run an errand. When sending a text letting them know, I found myself wordsmithing since, as someone who plays with time, I found myself unwilling to be definite about schedules. (Freeing, really, but that’s a different post.): “I’ll be back by…” – no. How could I really know that? The words I used were “I plan to be back by….” which were true. I did plan to be. And was.

So, I suggest you play with how you talk about your actions and see if those actions then feel more or less freeing. How does how you define things affect the bored, scared, and lonely parts of your day?

What changes when actions are not something you have to do or must do or, gasp, should do? Or even need to do. Rather what happens when they are things you want to do, plan to do, or are feeling a bit of a nudge towards doing?

And no. You don’t have to do any of this.

Thoughts? Your experience?

Book link for Moxie Moves is a Spirit Moxie Amazon affiliate link, which only means we get a couple of cents from them if you buy something!

Photos from the top:

Dandelion — Anders Sandberg
Dog walk — Spirit Moxie
Airport Sunrise — Amy Marsh

So, what do we do?

Posted on October 7, 2020 by Sally B.

So, what do we do?

In the midst of this COVID-19 pandemic (late 2020), people seem to be spending most of their time stressing out about the world’s—and their neighbor’s—response to the disease, feeling despair and depression at being socially isolated, and lamenting the current political situation. Is this you? Any of it?

There’s something about complaining that scratches the itch, so to speak. We’re told not to complain, but I know that often when I complain about something, for instance that I can’t find something, it often shows up, usually where I’d just looked.

What bothers me about how we share our stress regarding the world right now is that all this energy, and yes it is energy, feeds negativity. Complaints about the world don’t resolve the same way they do when I lose something. These complaints actually expand the very negativity that is the basis for the lament. Sharing the stress doesn’t end with despair; it is fed by the despair. So, the brilliant put-down, the sharing of heartfelt hopelessness and emptiness, the latest study on how our Internet and other interactions are harmful feed this fear and induce and increase the depression.

How?

Isolation and physical distance have all become justifications for inaction. The extent of this inaction, which has become fairly pervasive, is so unfamiliar that it is perceived as threatening and, so, manifest as fear. Added to the inaction are the fear of death (from the disease) and helplessness. Remember, inaction (freezing) and fleeing (how many of you in the United States are considering moving elsewhere?) are responses to fear. Other fear responses are fainting (avoidance) and fighting, which looks like action for those of you with political leanings, but also shows up as people ignoring distancing guidelines and political realities or reading every news article, whether verified or not.

What you focus on expands. That may be a truism, but notice how much power we give away in all the above actions. There’s got to be another choice between doing too much and not doing anything at all.

Where are the things we can do that might, just might, be positive? Instead of fighting, what might heal and build? What might seed positivity?

Spirit Moxie on Facebook Remember when you discovered Spirit Moxie? I am assuming you at least liked the Facebook page. In case you didn’t get this Conversation post in your email, I’m adding a link to sign up so you won’t miss the next one! Remember that little nod when you admitted that you wanted the world to be slightly better? When there was a glimmer and a smile at the suggestion that maybe, just maybe, our small actions could morph into energy that could change the world? (Refresher course 101 on this idea if you don’t quite understand this – opening piece at www.spiritmoxie.com.)

Even in isolation, the world is still here. We still have family and friends and dreams. We can still change the world. Really. But if the accepted default is that of inaction, if we always do what we’ve always done, we will indeed keep getting what we have.

So, play with this. Literally. What can you do that’s new? What can you learn? The other day I figured out a new pattern for making my bed. Really. I’m still excited. Just the energy of claiming something new or different changes things around me. Acknowledge that you are “doing:”

Smile – even when wearing a mask. A smile shows in your eyes!

Reach out to others. Have you figured out how to connect via electronics? Have you walked someone else through how to connect?

What have you created? Art. An idea. A recipe. A new way to do what?

Have you shared your visions and your dreams?

Did you try?

Have you turned off your news feed or at least limited it? Trust me, you’ll learn what you need to learn. How can you stop giving violent and negative actions power while still holding those responsible accountable? Yes, the whole point is that what you do matters.

You have an answer to at least some of this. I’m guessing you, personally, are not called to curing this disease or running for public office. But small answers really can morph into a positive whole, even when that makes no sense at all. So, try a new form of pickles. Or whatever. Tiny little things still hold us together and whirl us into the future of our dreams.

And share. Share in the comments. On social media. In, gasp, conversation. Remember: “little things we do together.” There’s work to do if we dare.

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Images from the top:

Sidewalk challenge — Spirit Moxie
Website banner — www.spritmoxie.com
From Spirit Moxie Facebook banner — Michael Phillips

Conundrum

Posted on July 20, 2020 by Sally B.

“What you focus on expands.” This concept shows up in online business and personal growth courses, the teachings of Abraham Hicks as written by Esther Hicks, the current behaviors manifested in the political scene, and the rants of some of my friends. There are extensions to this idea. The statement that practicing gratitude creates happiness and success is one. Basics on the craze for learning about manifestation through such coaches as Mike and Andy Dooley are another.. Even the sexist and, for me, exhausting, 1937 work of Napoleon Hill Think and Grow Rich reflects this basic idea.

While I’m writing this we are experiencing a worldwide pandemic, with people ignoring that a virus is rampant by dismissing simple, if inconvenient, guidelines for keeping it from spreading. George Floyd was massacred in Minneapolis triggering a global confrontation with racism, both systemic and individual. Reactions to both events are being fed by history, politics, and newsfeeds.

Both also illustrate another truism (although I may have made this one up). “What you ignore festers.” In the United States our political leaders have encouraged – and ignored – acts of violence and white supremacy. As a result those who act this way have become more and more visible. Many people, including some political leaders, also ignore health guidelines and the impact COVID-19 is having on our healthcare infrastructure. The news, Facebook feeds, and, often, private conversations focus on inflammatory statements and the apparently ill considered behaviors of others giving these statements and actions increasing power. Each response is defended by “needing to know what’s going on” as well as, apparently, a need to be superior and clever. Note that these responses are focuses. Both the news and the cleverness add to the focus on the situation. And the energy from this attention encourages and fosters additional actions. In the pandemic, we have been encouraged to ignore the situation while others share how it is spreading, are given conflicting information about how the virus spreads, react inconsistently to which measures might be effective, and commiserate as to how unfair and difficult social distancing and quarantine is. There is also reassurance that the danger of the virus and the political implications of racial tension are exaggerated.

So more anger and violence. More illness and disease.

Yet what you ignore festers. Every time we don’t social distance COVID spreads. Pockets of white supremacy and the realities of unaddressed racism explode when given permission in our current political climate.

How do you address (i.e. not ignore) issues by not focusing on them? Absolutely one should name them – that is the not allowing to fester part. But the secret is to give more power or focus to the actions and stories that lift up and empower what you want to happen. The challenge is finding the positive focus. An easy example is Spirit Moxie’s continual emphasis on voting as a response to laws, government, and politics. It is police officers handing out masks at a recent demonstration. It is my friend Karen’s careful distancing measures at a family gathering celebrating her grandson’s fifth birthday where a great time was had by all. It’s my noticing all the people wearing masks vs my friends, visiting the same stores, saying no one was. (I saw only one person with no mask. Really.)

What do you see and notice that you can celebrate as positive and encourage? Delight in discovering Zoomers (i.e., people born after 1996) can be proactive. People practicing social distancing when you take a walk. Realizing it really is fun to cook from scratch – and tastes better. Watching and supporting an organization revising its DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion) vision and guidelines. More fireflies and butterflies. Clearer skies. Do you celebrate the heroes in your midst? Are you grateful for honesty and clarity? Are you practicing gratitude period? Can you listen with love and really hear what someone is saying? What are your positive actions in this time?

Share! We need that focus to expand!

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Photos from the top:

You become… — cartoon by Andy Dooley
Pile of masks — Spirit Moxie
Imagine Banner at Salesforce Tower, WeWork. San Francisco, CA — Spirit Moxie

Note: all Amazon links are Spirit Moxie’s, which means we get a couple cents if you buy the book (or whatever), but that doesn’t affect the price you pay.

Moves for Our Time

Posted on March 18, 2020 by Sally B.

This is yet another Coronavirus pandemic (COVID-19) message. It’s March, 2020, and this post is about the little things, the Moxie Moves, you can do right now to change the world.

Remember this crisis is about you. No matter your demographic, you can still be infected (even fatally) and no matter where you live, the real danger is to the healthcare infrastructure, that supports you. It can be easily stretched beyond its capacity.

Also remember this crisis is not about you, i.e. don’t take things personally [#22]. No matter your demographic, it is not just about protecting yourself, your lifestyle, or your theories. It is about daring to claim that you are part of humanity. It’s about our world.

First, be willing to be wrong [#8]. This may be the hardest action to actually do, but probably it’s always the most important. We find being right comforting, but the facts about this disease are skimpy. We aren’t 100% sure how it spreads. We don’t always know who is infected (including ourselves) because they may be asymptomatic. This uncertainty leaves us vulnerable to being manipulated. If any action is distancing you from your neighbor, not just physically, but emotionally, be suspicious [#7]. But still continue to respect rules and guidelines [#80]. One can be neighborly without direct physical contact.

Don’t obsess about the news. Fear and negativity affect our health. When you do read about this pandemic listen to facts from multiple sources [#57] and make certain they are confirmed. In the United States if you need to know more, try the official source cdc.gov rather than relying on Facebook or newscasts Globally try the World Health Organization.

Take care of your body [#98]. This means eating nutritiously (e.g., fewer processed foods) and getting enough sleep* [#90]. as well as remembering to wash your hands [#115], which we wrote about three years ago. So, you’ve been doing that all along, right? Avoiding touching your face unless you hands are clean has been emphasized by others. Apparently touching our faces is the only way we can get infected by the virus lurking on surfaces.

Be generous [#3]. Give a little more if you can when you tip [#100] when responsibly eating out if that’s still an option, or having food or other necessities delivered. Try to shop locally [#87] which supports vulnerable businesses and strengthens our local infrastructure.

Figure out how to responsibly stay positive and productive. Imagine this relates to the 2014 Conversation catch a firefly [#11]. Yes, it’s the wrong time of year. But right now we need delight, curiosity, and joy. Really look at things. Colors. Shapes. Ideas. Dance [#16]. Solo living room dancing is a known art form and great exercise (which relates to caring for your body). It also could be, if you reread the original post, a good metaphor for our response to today.

Respect others privacy [#79]. Everyone is responding to this crisis in their own way. Enjoy what you have [#26]. When was the last time you really appreciated your sock drawer? The pen collection? That odd gift from Aunt Susan? Ask for support [#2] [link] when you need it. Offer support [#66]. People are being very creative. What about you?

And finally, I remind you of two key Moxie Moves. Smile* [#92] at yourself in the mirror, at what you’re reading, at a pet or a photo or a tree. And give thanks* [#28] [link] about everything. The privilege of solitude. Food. Friends. Words. Give thanks for the challenges of social distancing, quarantine, health, and illness.

Together we can still, no, we can continue to change the world.

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The number in brackets [#00] is the number in Spirit Moxie’s current list of 120 things we can do together to change the world. There’s a link if there is a longer Conversation post about the move. An asterisk (*) means the move was included in our book Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference. We look forward to hearing your responses.

All photos are by Spirit Moxie

From the top:
Intertwined tree roots in Bangkok sidewalk
Toys: music, books, games
Sign from book launch party

Intention

Posted on February 6, 2020 by Sally B.

There are a few phrases, idioms, sayings that I hate, not only because I don’t like them, but because I think they’re destructive. “Everything happens for a reason.” “It was God’s will.” “We’re only given what we can handle.” I think these platitudes make us complacent, take away cause, and often remove our motivation. Let’s face it, sometimes things just happen.

Sidewalk Meanwhile, there are all the bits I’ve been saying here about listening to our bodies. These comments might sound the same. Specifically, I’ve been claiming that our bodies keep trying to get our attention as we live into our best selves. (I was going to say “true purpose,” but that sounds as if there is only one right path, which I don’t believe at all.)

This means that at some level, we already know who we are at our happiest, most joyful, and most effective—however that manifests for you. This knowledge is often not in our minds because the brain is wired to protect us. The brain does this by building on past experience. So, in a very simple example, if you survived being yelled at by retreating and if you have found comfort and security through eating, those actions will form your safe patterns when there might even be just a chance of loud noises occurring. You’ll retreat and reach for the ice cream.

On the other hand, our bodies somehow know that these responses come from our mind protecting us and that patterns such as retreating and compulsive eating keep us from being our best selves. As a result, I think our bodies often do things to intentionally get our attention. Sometimes it’s just a vague feeling one can learn to identify, but often (maybe because we keep refusing to listen), it’s more dramatic. For example, I think a fallI I had in 2015 and my odd leukemia in 2016 were instances of this. These experiences both led me to find my best life journey, one that focuses on learning to live in the now – or just being.

Author with arm in sling So is a fall always a sign? I don’t think it is necessarily. A couple of months ago (mid-December 2019,) I fell again while walking a friend’s dog. Somehow, I tripped on a rise in the sidewalk, knew I tripped, and fell in a way that I couldn’t stop myself. Sparing you the details of the next hours (and days), I finally learned I had fractured my right elbow and would be wearing a stylish black sling when I was out of the house. But throughout this experience I was, and still am, very sure it was just an accident. I fell simply because I wasn’t focused on where I was going. It was a painful and inconvenient, but effective way to force me to become more ambidextrous. It was a dramatic way to encourage me to continue to ask for help. So, while no cosmic mission (or my body trying to get my attention so I could see the mission) caused the fall, the path to my best self has certainly used it for my own growth. This continues: I just learned my physical therapist will help me improve my posture!

Small dog looking up Bottom line: sometimes stuff happens just because it happens. Sometimes things happen because there is something important that you are missing and need to learn about or pay attention to. This simply means learn to listen. Without blaming yourself or anyone else about what happens to you, how are you called to be your best self? What are you being told and why?

What are you learning in your daily stumbles? Have fun with the journey!

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Photo credits from the top:
Sidewalks for walking — Spirit Moxie
Author with arm in sling at Yosemite (detail, Christmas, 2019) — Prajak Sophondirekrat
Dog waiting for a walk — Spirit Moxie

2020

Posted on January 8, 2020 by Sally B.

2020: Find beauty. Explore. Share.

Blue - ground from plane

Realize that’s all I want to say to you for the new year.

Book: Moxie Moves Well, that and that Moxie Moves: 10 ways to make a powerful difference can indeed be a new year’s journey. Change the world, change yourself. Or vise versa. Available through your favorite source for books. And an autographed copy is still available at https://spiritmoxie.square.site

Your thoughts re the year, the book, your dreams?

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.Photos from the top:

View from airplane – Spirit Moxie
Moxie Moves, the book – Cynthia Jane Collins

Identity

Posted on November 11, 2019 by Sally B.

Triggers. Identity. Freedom?

It’s late 2019 and I’m writing this in Thailand, a country where I don’t know the language and have only the vaguest knowledge of the customs. While I was here once before, it seems more difficult this time to actually get anywhere. The last time I was here I stayed with extended family members who would talk to taxi drivers for me. But on this trip, these same people are letting me experiment with what it might be like to live here. I have a small, family owned condo far (or it seems far) from any public transportation. The first time I tried to go somewhere the taxi dropped me off at a major bus station instead of the Sky Train that was my destination. The first cab I tried to hail to take me back home wouldn’t take me even though I showed him the address written out in Thai.

However I’m not still wandering the streets of Bangkok weeks later after that taxi driver’s refusal! The second taxi I hailed was happy to take me home. But in the process I completely panicked and decided 1) that my phone was dying and 2) that the driver was taking me to the wrong place. Neither of these things was true although I was convinced of it even when we turned into the driveway of the housing complex where I was staying.

During that venture into downtown Bangkok, I signed up for language lessons and was given a free lesson to get started. I can now say “I write.” And “I want to speak Thai.” But am I saying these phrases properly? Do I dare ask anyone around here for help with this?
What is going on? I like help! I wrote about it in “Ask for Support.” Maybe I should read my own writing. In that post I make a distinction between help and support: “While we’re dealing with semantics, asking for help implies need. Support, for our purposes here, implies an addition to what one is already doing, something above and beyond the obvious.”

Oh, OK. Do I need help? No, I’m fine. I have my Thai phone and have signed up for the equivalent of an Uber service called Grab. I’ve almost figured out how to find locations where drivers can easily find me to pick me up to get home. I can walk from my condo to a mall that has restaurants, a grocery store, and place to buy an umbrella, water glasses, and a pitcher, which were the only things that seemed missing from “my” apartment. I have also learned that I make way too many assumptions. Somehow I expect people to know what I want, but the truth is that they’re waiting to be asked. People are glad when I do ask for whatever.

Somewhere along the way, who I am—the brave, independent person who loves to cook and entertain and talk to anyone about their dreams—has been placed in a space where she’s not allowed to cook (forbidden in the building where I’m living, really), doesn’t know anyone to invite, and who communicates with gestures and smiles. She often curls up in a ball and stays home playing games on her phone. Apparently she didn’t download the right proportion of trashy novels (okay – mystery stories) onto her phone for her usual bookworm diversions. (Yes, library friends, I can connect to “my” library via the internet and find more. But my excuse is that I’m dealing with very poor WiFi.)

Me, the person that some of you know pretty well, who is hopeless at cleaning and a klutz using scissors, now lives where floors need to be swept and ideally mopped every day. I actually brought a small pair of scissors so I could wrap presents. I, who have never effectively learned another language, am now studying Thai. Here, although my journey has had me become less involved with religion and politics, I have mainly met people though church and a political organization for Americans abroad.

So who am I? I just found a coffee shop where I can write on my computer. I still haven’t created a space at home where I can write easily. And I’ve met multiple people (well, six) who are concerned about the process of being present. Through that connection I received an invitation to join a writing group. But I’m guessing that these activities aren’t part of a true identity either. There is a me beyond the one who likes coffee shops for writing and enjoys talking about “just being.”

Somewhere beyond this list of would be busyness there is a calm where possibility is created. Unfortunately it is also a place a bit beyond words which is all I have here. It is an extreme manifestation of what I’ve written before in the process of being. Within this framework, along with the lesson of learning to ask for what I want more often, I’ve had major adventures! For example a day with elephants somehow grounded this feeling. Even more important have been the day-to-day things that just seem to happen. The neighbor, who knew what was going on only through my gestures, but took my phone and talked to my lost Grab driver. Getting an upgraded plane seat when I had paid the lowest possible fare. The people who, when they learned I’m not permanently living here in Bangkok, immediately said, “But you’re coming back, right?” and “Plane tickets can be changed.” Continue reading →

Spirit Moxie

Little Things That Can Change the World

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