Claim

Posted on February 7, 2024 by B

Claim is a verb!

barren hills Redwood Canyon When I began writing this, I got a bit puckish and remembered the “Wild West” definition, with prospectors and land barons. In my imagination I saw dry creeks and hills. There, “claim” was a noun.

However the kind of claim that has an impact in changing the world is a verb. But apparently, it’s a verb many of us don’t trust. Last night, for example, I met a very interesting person, an executive in a wind turbine company based in Denmark that has a presence in Portland, Oregon, where I’m now living. The conversation went something like this:

Me: “So you change the world.”

Him: “Well, kinda. I’d like to think I do. But look at what our kids are inheriting.”

Me: “Claim it. You change the world. Period.”

Him: “Well, maybe, but…”

I think I finally got through. But if you “maybe’ change the world and “would maybe like to” make a difference, you probably don’t. This seems endemic to most of you that follow Spirit Moxie. Yes, you. Oh, the idea of “little things that can change the world” sounds good. You now read similar ideas elsewhere. You find that it’s fun to come up with new “little things.” You enjoy posts such as this one. But do you take any kind of stand that your actions work, that you (yes, you) matter?

Washing hands Intellectually how could your getting enough sleep* or brushing your teeth affect anyone besides yourself? Smiling* might brighten someone’s day, but would it, how could it, change the world?

There are a lot of parts embedded in this question. One analogy is, for example, that you want some exercise so you walk around the track at a local school. Or maybe even run around it. But even though you’re running, it’s not a race unless 1) you decide it is and 2) other people are involved. Note that #1 is you. Others could be racing and you’re not. But if you decide to race, if only to get a better time, others very likely will play along even if it isn’t a formal “race day.” It’s the same thing if you say that it would be great if people claimed that whatever little thing they are doing makes a difference. Smile*. Listen*. Vote*. All these are one person actions. You can’t make anyone else do them. It’s an individual decision.

What’s essential here is the “claiming.” Deciding that today is race day. Figuring that if I get enough sleep. I’ll be healthier and a lot more pleasant to be around and the health care system will have one fewer person to deal with. As a result my friends can relax and I can experience more joy which is actually contagious in a good way. There’s a deliberate action in this. It is by claiming these actions as making a difference that changing the world becomes possible. Even if only you do them. When a lot of us do them, positive, even unpredictable change becomes possible.

Taking a step We read that we’re enough, are fabulous, are good the way we are. But our mind may say, “Who, you? Don’t be silly. You’re not big or strong or important enough to matter.” Thank your mind for sharing. You are all you have to offer. And it is enough. If you claim that and I claim that, we have enough people for that race. And others will join in.

What’s your stand? Race on?

_____________________

* A chapter in Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference
1. Smile; 3. Sleep; 6. Listen; 9. Vote

All photos by Spirit Moxie
Red Rock Canyon Park (I think)
Another little thing: Wash Your Hands —David A. Lynch, model
Off to run — Noël Ponthieux, photographer

Welcome 2024

Posted on January 4, 2024 by B

Remember who you are.

upside down one way sign This year I struggled with a post about the new year, which is why this post is early in the year, but not at the very beginning. I reread all the former end of/beginning of year Spirit Moxie Conversations. (I suggest the core 1916 post “Dream” and last year’s “Foundations.”) I wrote a lot of rough drafts about “unease,” which is hardly the most positive word for 2023. Plus, it wasn’t entirely true. Then, on a New Year’s Eve flight to visit my son and his family, I understood. Besides wondering why travel always freed me, I realized I’d stopped claiming who I am at my core. And that was the source of the unease I felt.

Have you forgotten who you are? Has the chatter in your head become so loud that you’ve also forgotten your beauty, resilience, and general fabulousness, which, by the way, are three things I know are true about you?

The first clue I had that I’d forgotten was my reaction to a challenge from Amanda Fuel as part of a finance game in which I’m participating. What percentage of my life is determined and guided by me and what percentage is guided or manifested by the magic of the Universe/God/Chance (choose your phrase)? She was working on a 55%/45% relationship for herself. I’ve heard 10%/90% as well and vice versa. If you find these percentages useful, play with them. How much of the determining factors do you bring and how much do you want to happen to you through forces outside of you?

Thinking about this, I realized that what meant the most to me wasn’t percentages, but recognizing that there is a partnership between the two. Somehow, for me, that partnership had been shaken and become unstable. While I have had dreams and goals, somehow they had become just words I’d written. In other words, to be effective, I needed to actively remember who I was and who I am so the Universe (or whomever) could do its magic.

clouds from plane window The second piece to help you remember: I kind of dare you to try. It is an exercise I love that apparently pushes people’s buttons. Ask someone — using these exact words — “Tell me how I’m fabulous.” You can ask me that question when you see me in person. Or, send me a private message. There’s two parts to this apparently very vulnerable question: 1) You learn things about yourself you’ve never noticed before and 2) It’s a gift to the person being asked. To look at you that way and share is exciting, interesting, and bonding for the person responding. We love the challenge to ourselves to look at you this way. Plus, we’ve been wanting you to know! So my request to ask me is pretty much all self-interest!*

Who you are at your core is what to bring into 2024. Your own greatness. Your job, if you will, is to remember that that greatness is there. Yes, include those dreams. Use the word “goals” if you prefer. It’s fun if some of them are huge and some are tiny. Share those too.

The world needs you exactly as you are right now. Yes, you’ll change. But breathe into now, the you of early 2024. And, in the next step you take, breath into that you too.

Thank you!

_______________________________________

*I I know I got this exercise from someone else, but haven’t been able to find it again.

All images by Spirit Moxie:
Upside down sign: Is this how the end of the year felt?
View on the New Year’s Eve flight

Choose Your Extravagances

Posted on December 5, 2023 by B

A couple of weeks ago, I asked some friends which “little thing” on the current list of little things we can do to change the world I should write about next. “Choose your extravagances” leaped out to them. It is number 10 on the original list of 100, so it was part of my initial determination of what small things could, indeed, change the world.

Jaguar parked by garage But what did I mean by extravagances when I first listed this in 2013? There aren’t any notes, but I’m pretty sure the why and how of this has expanded, if not changed.

In 2013, I think I viewed this as meaning, “don’t be wasteful.” That’s still valid. Do you really need “that” car, coat, or shiny object? Sometimes the answer is, “yes.” My partner always wanted a Jaguar, could afford one, and took great delight in driving it. Sometimes the answer is “really?” An example might be that expanded time share I almost never use that might both pay for itself and give me more options. But in this conversation, when talking about the things beyond necessities, often the answer is, “no.” NO! This is your own list. One friend actually functions better with his morning Starbucks americano. I can do just fine with coffee at home or at my local diner. Because I consciously choose to not own very much stuff, my examples are different from yours. Because I use public transportation well, a ride share service such as Uber or Lyft is an extravagance for me. But on my last visit to Cincinnati and during my “do I want to live in Thailand” experience, ride shares were usually the only option for getting places. I also have friends who have exclusively used ride shares, along with walking and maybe riding bikes, when they’ve chosen not to have a car.

Now I think there is another part of “choose your extravagances.” Deliberately select some extravagances. The key word here is “deliberately.” First, we live in a time where denying yourself is seen as virtuous. Think of that diet. Think of wanting to do what everyone else is doing but money and time are saying, “no.” Think about the idea that really wanting more of anything is wrong.

Now think of “extravagances” as one way of enjoying and participating in this world we think might benefit from some change. Perhaps it is to always have real whipped cream on your pie or whole milk in your latte. For me, I realized I enjoy going out to eat and travel more than new clothes or the latest phone. Do I ever buy clothes or replace electronics? Yes. But my monthly spending plan has an inordinate amount allotted to restaurants and the credit card I use gives me perks when traveling.

Flat white with design on top The diet example is maybe the easiest to understand. I usually ask for no cheese on sandwiches and omelettes as for me cheese only adds calories rather than flavor. But I enjoy good cheese with bread or crackers before dinner or even for dessert. Sometime in my late teens I decided cream and sugar in my coffee weren’t worth the calories, especially because I usually drank coffee with desserts. But now I have friends who will tell you that enjoying good coffee, usually black, is something they identify with me.

Sunrise over evergreens Note the phrase above of “enjoying and participating.” Enjoying the world is certainly central to having it be the world you know it could be. (“Changing the world” as the Spirit Moxie tagline reads.) When you are only angry with your partner or children, they never have a chance to blossom and be great around you. But when you enjoy being with them, enjoy their idiosyncrasies, and sometimes participate in what they love, something more beautiful than all of you becomes possible. Yes, I know that example is a bit simplistic. But think of our world the same way. What do you want to indulge in that is beautiful, extravagant, and that also, in some way, serves who you are? Getting up early to watch a sunrise? Ordering the real butter and the bread basket? Buying the shoes or spending the extra $40 for an upgraded airplane seat (yup – just did that)? And so, we participate. Not with something just because it’s there, but because it provides satisfaction and maybe a bit of joy.

Sparkling wine and goldfish crackers Your list will be different from mine. I’m pretty sure you can’t imagine that sandwich without cheese and that you find delight in the cheapest ticket you can find when traveling. But watch and choose. My friend bought the most expensive champagne she could find when she sold her house. She drinks a low cost Costco white wine otherwise.

Choose YOUR extravagances. And share what they are! Hearing about them adds to our enjoyment. Yes having and naming your extravagances will add to and change the world.

_______________________
Images from the top:

The Jaguar — Spirit Moxie
Flat white in New Zealand — Spirit Moxie
Sunrise — Teresa O’Bryant
Sparkling wine at Evoke Winery tasting room (Vancouver, WA) —Spirit Moxie

The Problem of Change

Posted on October 25, 2023 by B

Butterfly on leaf Spirit Moxie is now 10 years old, and many of the ideas we introduced in 2013 have become commonplace. Our central concept focuses on the power of positive change, but when we look around, it feels as if, rather than becoming more positive, the world has become darker: politics uglier, the environment more fragile, people less connected, and information and news increasingly unreliable. We have the tools to correct this. There are actions and mindsets to help prevent these problems! So why do they still exist?

First of all, even though we cheer the idea of change, we are programmed to resist it. Perhaps it’s stating the obvious, but our brains are wired for survival. However “wrong” or uncomfortable conditions are, if we didn’t die during any of what has happened or through our personal actions or experiences, our brain view the status quo safe. Note: you didn’t die. I know this because you’re reading this. So while this may sound simplistic, even though change might sound good, we naturally resist it.

Quite apart from what we consider positive action, this orientation shows up in everything from not brushing our teeth as often as we should to forgetting to put on our seatbelt to not using the gym. Often it isn’t a case of will power or remembering, but just a result of our having done just fine in the past. Why risk something different?

An extension of this reason to resist change is that change can be threatening. Change, by definition, means that things will be different. It takes us to unknown places.

What’s interesting is that we seldom consciously see any of this. Let’s consider a few more of our default places when our actions and possible change collide. First we really like ease. There are different versions of ease for different people, but if rinsing out the bottle so it can be safely recycled isn’t your norm, it is much easier to just throw the bottle in the trash. For some people. it is easier to drop something onto the ground than to walk two feet to the trash can. We might deplore waste yet never bring our own reusable bags to the store. I’m pretty sure most of these are United States examples, but these instances of ease involve anything that you’ve always done.Why should you change? It’s more comfortable to keep doing what you always have done? What examples can you see others doing? We usually don’t see them when we do them ourselves.

The flip side of this is that many of us are programmed to think that something can’t be effective unless it is difficult. Spirit Moxie talks about doing “little things to change the world.” What’s dramatic or sexy about those as actions? Many of us figure that unless we’re curing world hunger, negotiating for peace, and evening out the economy on a national level, it isn’t worth talking about. If getting up at 5 am to get more done is a sign of being pro active, a little thing called “sleep*,” which we say here is one of the things that changes the world, can be completely discounted. This might be a bit of hyperbole, but for example, while I celebrate (in my mind) every time a server in a restaurant doesn’t give me a straw, my son rolls his eyes and discounts it. Why should something that little matter?

Something else that almost certainly hinders change is our excessive attention to what isn’t working. One of the best and most insidious example is our constant preoccupation with the media. There’s an apparently common belief that binge watching the news makes us accountable. I’m not talking about being informed. But hours of casual attention gives energy to much we don’t want to fuel. Balance this. When the media hungry are not being fed (watched and interacted with), it is increasing hard to justify the expense of giving them free publicity. Plus for many people, whether within the news, the neighborhood, the environment, or their friends and family, whatever isn’t working is their preferred topic of conversation. Why Joe and Mary are having a hard time because Sue is into drugs is seen as much more intense and interesting than that Sam got a Fulbright. Lamenting political options is more important than really engaging in helpful responses to issues. Etc.

Finally, when we know something is true, we don’t question it. Usually we can’t even see an alternative. But if in fact, a contrasting fact or varying viewpoint is even hinted about, and we do hear it, we certainly don’t weigh it and are often offended that anyone could be that blind, inconsiderate, stupid, or, to be honest, wrong. This eliminates positive change by default. We extend this to how we evaluate change. At some level, we could very easily be using artificial markers or evaluating their implications incorrectly. Is 20 people at the bus stop with bags of food from the Saturday free food program hosted near my house a sign of poverty, of the need for redistribution of resources, of people taking advantage of others, or of hope for better nutrition in the city? If one of those is your truth, that is what you see. If all those are new, you probably thought “of course.” And you almost certainly can come up with others I haven’t considered. A final part of this is to remember that, with the internet, falsehoods enter this mix and are received as unquestioned truth almost instantly.

So we’re wired for the security of our history, for perceived safety, for ease and the validation of hard work, and by our personal understanding of things, however we came by them. When positive change is happening, both globally and even personally, we quite possibly may simply not notice.

For Spirit Moxie, the force that makes positive change possible is an understanding of chaos. Remember that whenever you dare do a little thing to change the world, and others do too, you begin creating conditions where larger, almost certainly unexpected, change becomes possible. So reread where we began.

Meanwhile hold, however lightly, that perhaps there is positive energy. That change is possible. And that you make a difference!

___________________________

Butterfly – picture by Spirit Moxie (or at least it was in our photos!)

*”Sleep” is included in Moxie Moves:10 easy ways to make a powerful difference – (Cincinnati: Spirit Moxie, 2019) -Amazon link

Be Curious

Posted on August 23, 2023 by B

Question mark on picture of eclipse At the beginning of each new year, I claim a word for the year. For 2023, my word is “curious.”

I chose “curious” because I really had no clue how 2023 would develop both personally and as part of Spirit Moxie. The previous year 2022 had caught me by surprise — a trip to Spain materialized, seeds for which had been planted in 2017 or so and pretty much forgotten. My new book was published that really was a book, not just an online offering, and was incredibly beautiful (Talking to Trees through poetry and pictures). As 2022 continued, the Russian attacks on Ukraine was the impetus for Spirit Moxie to expand Corner of Calm rather than cancel it. If that was 2022, what might happen in 2023? What might go as planned? What might be unexpected? I was (and am) still settling into a new place to live and there was a lot I didn’t know and certainly more people to meet! So being curious felt right and implied “open to possibilities.”

Now I’m a big believer in the concept there is a web of ideas and discoveries that flows through the world. Several ideas that are integral to Spirit Moxie that seemed innovative and even a bit weird to the world at large at one time, are now seen as commonplace. Yes, the now familiar idea that little things can change the world raised eyebrows when we began. It was a concept that sounded intriguing to some, but was discounted in presentations by others who I’m pretty sure had never heard of Spirit Moxie and probably still haven’t. Now you encounter this idea as a matter of fact part of world change. On a more recent note, at least two well known people I follow are suddenly offering courses on being calm. Spirit Moxie’s Corner of Calm started on August 3, 2021. So, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that curiosity is being promoted more and more every place I’ve looked recently.

What is useful about those promotions is that they have given me some perspectives that I originally wouldn’t have considered. For me, curiosity seemed a matter of fact way to approach my life and world. But those who explore such things have discovered, for example, that when people are under stress, curiosity about how the situation will evolve calms and relaxes their minds. It takes us away from fear because we now have a problem to chew on instead. As we look farther, we can see curiosity as a driving force in multiple inventions and the pull that encourages exploration.

Building taller – or perhaps digging deeper – I suggest that you be curious about things that you find annoying or even hurtful. Is age really the reason x, y, and z are happening? Is time always linear? Is there another possible explanation for what happened? Or my favorite question that helps me dance with time, “What should I be doing right now?” (This might be the only acceptable use of the word “should”!)

So I think more than anything else this post is an invitation. Be curious! How does curiosity serve you? What have you noticed as a result?

For, as I have learned, it is through daring to be curious that adventures, insights, and possibilities appear.

__________________
Question graphic created by Spirit Moxie on Canva

Spirit

Posted on June 5, 2023 by B

“So, what do you mean when you say, ‘spirit’?” I’d come late to a MeetUp and, having grabbed a drink, unexpectedly found myself in an in-depth conversation about Spirit Moxie. I get asked about “moxie” all the time, but for me, in this religiously neutral crowd, this was a first. Not sure what I answered, but now realize truly answering feels important.

Sunset with trees “Spirit,” for me, is multi-faceted and ranges from the energy at a football game to serious conversations on theology. But perhaps the most basic place for the word and idea comes from the way people describe being human as “body, mind, and spirit.” Do you say this? If so, what does it mean to you? When one simply looks up the definition of “spirit,” or, to be precise, looks it up in the dictionary on my phone, the very first definition is “the principle of conscious life; the vital principle in humans, animating the body or mediating between body and soul.” Hmmm. So, in some way, our spirit is what makes us conscious of our humanity and of our existence.

On a theological note, you have probably heard of the Trinity as a way of describing God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Books have been written about this and debates have raged largely resulting in all kind of confusion.

Rocks, sky, scrub tree What I want to suggest here is a perspective I’m pretty sure I didn’t come up with on my own, but I can’t trace it to a source. Simply put, how humans talk about God and the energy that image embodies changes about every 2,000 years. We have the time of the Old Testament or BCE (Before the Common Era) which describes god in a fairly hierarchical way (the Father). Then comes the more personal connection personified in the figure of Jesus that has affected a good portion of the world, whatever your religious beliefs are, during the past 2,000 years or so. It is reflected in Western calendar dating and has been the root cause of multiple wars and atrocities. This pattern now has us entering a new 2000 years as the time of the Spirit. Because all transitions are gradual (and often violent) you can see this in things such as “The Age of Aquarius,” which gained popularity through the musical Hair in the 1960s (although what is really trippy is that we are apparently entering that age now if you believe Google and Wikipedia).

Sunset, winter sky We can see truth in this idea of our being in a time of the Spirit as we listen to some of the current spiritually based (there’s that darn word “spirit’ again) coaches and writers. One example is Martha Beck’s work, particularly in her novel Diana, Herself and in her training of “Wayfarers,” i.e., people seeking to navigate wild times with their own wild self and who feel a call to serve others in their confusion and fear. We see this in the work of Eckhart Tolle as he talks about being present and alive. And we see this in how people are connecting around conversations about shared energy, making a difference, and claiming hope despite environmental and political stresses. When you are with a thoughtful group of people, listen to the conversations related to personal growth or other kinds of energy. They are glimpses of the Spirit at work.

We see this movement in Spirit Moxie as we continue, since 2013, to claim hope, embrace what we value as ourselves, and explore how this celebrates the connections among us.

Confused? Most of what you see depends on what you are looking for. So where might you see Spirit, however defined, working now?

___________________________
All photos by Teresa O’Bryant
From the top:
Sunset
Wolf Creek Valley Overlook
Winter Sky

Be Kind to Animals

Image

I’ve had puppies. But what I remember is huge yards or being in places where one could, with integrity, since it was the accepted norm, chain them outside. Plus our newest, as yet unhousebroken, household member is really not mine, a fact he embraces when his owner is home.

Dog on lap with copy of book When I looked at Spirit Moxie’s “How to Change the World” working list to pick our next Conversation, “Be Kind to Animals” stopped me. It seemed so obvious. Plus 2022 appeared as a year for animals latching onto me when their owners weren’t there. And sometimes when they were. It was a new super power or perhaps one I just hadn’t named or noticed. After all, during the COVID lockdown, the household I was part of joked about my career as a dog bed. And it was a dog-watching gig that kept me in Portland long enough to find my current living space.

Dachshund So how does this relate to changing the world? I’m guessing those who are cruel to animals aren’t reading this. But I think talking about being kind to animals is important because, as with most things, I’m guessing even the best of us sometimes gets it wrong. In fact, I doubt if we could even agree on what wrong is. Yes, it seems obvious when domesticated animals aren’t treated properly. We hear of animals rescued from conditions of squalor. We read about them having terrible health conditions.

And there are multiple other situations that seem clear to many. Some of you reading this are vegan or vegetarian. While health is probably one reason for eating this way, many name a concern for animals and worry about the resources that deplete the earth as we raise them. I’m deliberately not going there. While our inter-relationship with the natural world in general is inclusive, and certainly involves depleting resources, I’m focusing here on our relationship to other creatures because for many of us, these interactions feel more personal.

When is the last time you interacted with an animal that doesn’t live in your house or the neighbor’s or a friend’s? It could be domesticated, but what about a squirrel? Yesterday I watched one deliberately tease the dog to make the dog chase it! Or what about that goose that has no business in a car-centric world acting like it owns the parking lot? Do you watch it? Say, “Hi!”? Notice. Have you ever seen that particular stray cat before? Is that coyote watching you aggressive or just curious? Have you ever even seen an elk or a moose? Noticed the sun on a dragonfly’s wings? What kind of bee is that in that flower? And yes, you can talk to those too!

Small fluffy dog looking up All these matter because even if, or perhaps particularly if, you live in a city, our relationship to animals reminds us of an integral part of our own humanity. We, too, are animals. And claiming that is true can inspire us to do other accountable things that help the world. Little things like not using plastic straws, or maybe any straws, and being concerned about the rings used to connect packs of cans because both are known to kill sea life. An action such as that leads to other little things that change the world such as general recycling and basic composting — two ways to dispose of waste that both help the environment and support all the creatures with whom we share the world. It’s realizing the effects of unintentional and blatant instances of pollution, such as the oil spill that might have been prevented or simply checking the emissions on your car. The list goes on. But what that greeting to a goose or the reassurance to a certain small dog that his mistress really will come home tells us is that we’re in the world together. We aren’t human in isolation.

So be kind to animals. Recognize all these related actions as key to making a difference. And know that animals give us integral ways to getting support in your own difference making.

_____________________________

Photos from the top:

Original career as dog bed – Spirit Moxie
(We liked this photo of the dog, but here’s the book link too)
Pet sitting in Portland – Spirit Moxie
A certain small dog – Suzanne Kustusch

Foundations

Posted on January 4, 2023 by B

Welcome to 2023!

Those who have read my previous posts for a new year have been invited to dream, choose a word or phrase to guide us, and otherwise embrace the year we’re entering (even 2021 with all its uncertainty). I still believe that all these activities are useful, empowering, and, often, engaging. But now that this new year has begun, let’s pause once more and claim the best for it slightly differently.

This year, I sense that there is more power in beginning with a three-part template. First, truly claim the power of gratitude. Second, dare to stand firmly as who you are rather than in some idealistic version you’ll magically become by next December. Finally, yes, restate and re-envision your dreams — and connect them to gratitude.

Picture of puzzle OK, but how does this really work in practice? Begin with, “What am I grateful for that occurred in 2022?.” What brought delight? Did you catch glimpses of joy? Then share those experiences! If you’re stuck, just naming that you made it to a new year is a great beginning. I’ve met new friends. I am actually cooking again fairly regularly. A health scare was easily resolved thanks to my community and great doctors. And I could go on: the demand that Corner of Calm continue; finishing a puzzle before I left from my Christmas visit to family.

You may have had some terrible, terrible things happen during the past year. Acknowledge that. Then look for tiny things to give thanks for if you can’t find big ones. This isn’t a Pollyanna-ish exercise. Set a timer for five minutes, get as still as you can, and write down whatever gratitude you see. Share one or two in the comments (sharing gives gratitude power). Post on Facebook. Send me an email. Knowing there was good in 2022, however hard or easy it is to find it, lays a base. It’s the difference between, “Prove yourself stupid time marker!” vs “I can see glimpses of what can be good in a year! Interesting.”

The second piece of our New Year’s claiming is you. Yes, You! One of the phrases I heard a lot last year was the deceptively simple statement, “You are enough.” If you really want to mess with what we believe, we can add in my claim that you’re perfect. What? I know both of those statements anger our critical minds, but reread what I wrote about “perfect” before you get all defensive. Neither of these statements means we can’t and won’t change. What happens is that we become even more who we are. I really do know you are awesome and it is crucial to a wonderful new year that you see it, too.

Dog on lap Here are a couple of exercises that can help. For me they involve writing, but a conversation with a really good friend or an activity that involves some other means of expression (drawing? making up a song? going on a thoughtful walk?) works, too. Name 5 to 10 of your gifts. I would guess that a couple of them even got stronger last year. I, for example, have bonded more with animals. None of these gifts have to be huge (although I would bet some are). “Calm during COVID” is still one of mine. If you really can’t think of anything, it might be useful to start keeping a list of compliments. I’m not sure from whom I got that exercise, but I have a place to write down “chill” when that was applied to me. Just the word. Some of you may have more physical things to name as gifts, although I would hope most of those (“my business took off”) were in your gratitude list.

It is from this place of naming who you are, even if others don’t always see it, that we bring strength to the third part. Dream and vision. Plan if you must (as someone not linear, I truly forget that often you are), but don’t set those plans in stone. What we want are destinations and some eagerness to take steps towards them. But it isn’t the steps we are naming here. It isn’t “I’m losing weight.” Or even a particular weight number. But to be able to say, “I’m truly happy with my body.” Not, “I’ll be debt free,” but “I live in true abundance.” Not even, “I want better experiences,’ but “I know delight.” Name the end, not the means. As Mike Dooley says, you set your GPS and then move. If we head the wrong way with a GPS, we are redirected.

Finally, as part of this visioning, give thanks for your dreams right now. I give thanks for my body. I delight in what I have and do. I know joy. Fuel. A stillness and foundation full of momentum. Paradox.

Gruet champagne bottle I’m not sure what images work for you as you enter this new year, but I know that you can only embrace them as yourself. And yourself is fabulous. Right now. I see that. Plus, remember that the groundwork from last year supports the vision for this one.

I toasted my new year with champagne bubbles and, today, I might do it again with herb tea. You?

Welcome to 2023!

___________________________
All photos by Spirit Moxie. From the top:

Puzzle finished over Christmas
Dog on my lap
New Year’s bubbles

Masquerade

Posted on November 11, 2022 by B

One of my favorite things is seeing something and am I’m certain I know what it is, but then having it turn out to be something completely different than what I thought. The insect that looks like a leaf is the classic. Or the leaf that looks like almost anything else: a small animal; a dog turd; a hole. Recently I saw a rock that looked like a hiding cat (actually frustrating because I was looking for the cat), a bird that looked like a valve on a pipe (or maybe vice versa), and a leaf that looked like a piece of food thrown on the ground.

Plus all this occurred at the time of year when people dress up. Usually “masquerade” is associated with Mardi Gras, but isn’t that also what we do for Halloween? Or in those Santa Claus beer crawls? You get to be that zombie fairy vampire* or the Ninja representative of death or a random dude in need of a costume. For weeks online and in random bars, you hear, “What are you going to be?” Parents ask their children. Adults ask their friends.

When I was juggling parenting, working, and other roles that came with “being human” in my 20s, I talked about “playing.” So, at the teacher/parent meeting, I’d play parent. At a spouse’s work event, I’d play spouse, etc. It didn’t mean, as members of a counseling group I attended thought, that I wasn’t always a mom and a spouse. It just meant, to me at the time, that I put on that role in a deliberate way for the occasion. My counseling buddies would have not have appreciated the fact that the word “person” comes from a Latin word that includes “mask” in its definition. Masks are integral who we are.

But what does this have to do with being present or changing the world, which I think are the two main reasons you’re reading this? That and curiosity. The point I’m emphasizing here is that you can’t truly masquerade as someone else unless you know who you really are. I’m sharing a Halloween picture of me last year with my granddaughter. I wanted to go trick or treating with her and family norms demanded a costume. I did not want to spend a lot on a costume, so, as shown in this picture, I’m a rumpled man (never could get a great name for the costume), who knows she’s a grandparent, cheapskate, parent (my son was along too), and tourist (in a new part, for me, of San Francisco). I was a lot of other things too. A user of public transit by choice and not default. Present to the energy and moods of an eight-year-old. Not interested in candy much personally. Grateful when people appreciated that I too was in costume. Amenable to any plans. Maybe these are surface traits, but my awareness of them allowed the afternoon/early evening to unfold smoothly and enjoyably.

One of the best challenges I’ve read recently is to list what you’re good at. Not what needs to be fixed. So what are those traits? Do you use them, in a positive way, as masks integral to you as a person or do you hide those traits or lurk behind them?

Who are you? What do you love about yourself? And what masks do you put on — physically, mentally, or emotionally just for fun? Do these masks add or expand that self? Claim and play!

__________________________________

From the top:

Praying Mantis — Sid Mosdell

*Street Poem that helped inspire this post by Sam Bones/streetpoetsam of Inspired Type

Zombie Fairies

They are very friendly, actually
Flitting here and there
From tree to tree and flower to flower
And they are especially attracted
to little girls in pink that play piano

They don’t leave a trail of blood, tho’
The only way you know you’re bitten
Is by the trail of glitter on the side of your neck.
(see image for proper formatting)

Trick or Treaters — Spirit Moxie

Questioning Thoughts

Posted on August 30, 2022 by B

Or “It Ain’t True, Darlin’ ”

It shouldn’t have bothered me. My excuse is that I was tired and stressed and helping with that particular project was one of the things I’d enjoyed the most about this volunteer gig. So when, for maybe the third time, I was told I wasn’t needed to help anymore, I decided I was being dismissed because I was too slow, not as accurate as I thought, and so forth.

A bit later I laughed at myself. This was a classic example of letting other’s words get me down. In retrospect, I didn’t even know if their words were about me. Perhaps the whole project was already under control (it certainly worked in the end). Perhaps the organizers were feeling stressed and saying “no” made them feel more in control. Shoot – maybe I threatened them (that has happened, not sure why).

One of the hardest things to understand is that what we think about things isn’t actually real. It is just what our mind is saying about whatever the “fact” or event is. Our minds process what’s happening so we can make sense of it and to keep us safe. My default response to what I hear as negative comments is an explanation of why I’m inadequate. Inadequacy is my default safe place. While that sounds negative, think about it. For me, even though I think I’d like to be seen as fabulous, I’ve never been physically harmed when I’ve felt inadequate.

Perhaps your default is to be right or self-righteous. Whatever your default response, it is a feeling that helps you feel comfortable. It feels safe and familiar, even if part of you wishes you reacted differently. For me feeling inadequate may not be pleasant, but it is a familiar place that has kept me out of trouble and helped me fit in for as long as I can remember.

Another default response for some people can seem like the opposite of this. Perhaps you push boundaries beyond any reasonable expectation. Danger reminds you that you’re alive. For you, it’s safer to place yourself in situations where life seems disposable—on your own terms.

Maybe anything new is simply seen as “dangerous.” And so welcomed. Or, as a classic defense, something to be rejected.

None of these responses are bad or wrong or unusual. But learning to see thoughts as thoughts, with no intrinsic reality, can be very freeing. When I can notice the “inadequate” conversation, I’m free to question it and change it to showing me as competent, interesting, and curious. To hear alternative versions of things we are sure we absolutely know are true helps us see that, just maybe, we can look at that truth a bit differently.

There are several tools and reflections available to explore this. Perhaps one of the best known is The Work from Byron Katie. What she does is so simple that some find it threatening, feel manipulated, and dismiss her. Basically, what she says is that if thoughts are causing you pain, question them. Whatever truth there is in what happened, in this minute you have choices on how you look at those thoughts and, by extension, the events you’re thinking about. Here is the link to what she calls The Work, which is based on four questions:
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know it’s true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without that thought?

The answers to these questions are followed by simple, non-judgmental curiosity about “turnarounds” where you consider what may be true when you reverse the thought.

More recently, I finally read Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong: how the ability to reset transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. This book was a gift I received from someone over seven years ago that initially I resisted reading. (My mind had these thoughts that for me the book wasn’t useful.). This book also helps us look at how we relate to our thoughts – plus how we form thoughts and can change them. Brown looks at this challenge from a more experiential direction than Katie. Brown’s discussion includes exploring our default responses.

On a lighter, or at least different, note, I’ve always wanted to have people (originally I was thinking of teenagers, but now think anyone) play with just retelling their truth by creating an alternative, if imagined, story. Preferably I imagine the absurd such as picturing my colleagues in my initial “they don’t want me” scenario actually answering a completely different question, seeing me as an alien, or being given a pro forma script where they were forced to say no. Elves and fairies or more serious notes describing some of the personal things they might be experiencing, such as illness, could also be in the mix.

A few years ago, I was part of a writing workshop led by Martha Beck. I don’t remember what the assignment and prompt was, but this poem was the product and worth sharing for the last three lines.

It Ain’t True, Darlin’

They’re only words within our head
Our thoughts are just opinion bred
Yours only tell me more of you
Or mine shows that my sight’s askew.

For scorn is just an itch that’s grown
So we won’t see the hurt we’ve sown
Or a belief we think will save
Us from a fault we really crave.

So if you truly seek to be
The one that in your heart you see
Let loose and sing with me this song
And laugh at life and dance along

Remember this is always true:

Your thoughts aren’t me
And mine aren’t you!

Have you questioned your thoughts? If you’re willing to share, I would love to hear from you.

_______________________-

Notes from the top. All images by Spirit Moxie:

Photo from the part of the volunteer gig that did work. “Dinosaur Wrangler”
Tree on the grounds of where I learned about The Work (Ojia, CA)
Screenshot of Rising Strong cover on our Kindle – an Amazon Spirit Moxie link

A friend has actually set “It’ Ain’t True Darlin'” to music as “Word Dance.” When there’s a working recorded version, we’ll share!